Support for 16 year olds

[CatsWhiskerz]

Hi
Any ideas of help for a 16 year old re support for gender dysphoria would be really gratefully appreciated.
DD 16 wants to be androgynous we've done the waiting and supporting them phase as we weren't sure if it was a phase. Been in discussion with CAMHS, community paediatrician but not for much help. CAMHS visit recently have told them. They'll be referred at 17 but they've bsroken down and have started cutting and talking about suicidal thoughts again which has been a while - probably 2 years since.
We're really happy to supper them as much as possible with finding And help but much if it is where and who to go to???
Help with support about what to do and any supportive advice lines - thanks

Could you explain what you mean by 'they want to be androgynous'? It was fashionable to be androgynous when I was a teenager and didn't require medical intervention. I'm female and had super short hair, and wore jeans and biker jackets, it was more difficult for my boyfriend who received verbal abuse for wearing his long hair in a high ponytail. Why can't your daughter just wear androgynous clothing and cut her hair to suit?

You need to focus on the self harm and low self esteem. Trans focus is often a symptom of depression, not the cause.
I would still be doing watching/waiting with zero social transition (name/pronoun etc)
And I would be finding a NEUTRAL therapist, not a gender affirming one.

This. But easier said than done on the neutral therapist front. Unfortunately the definition of "neutral" seems to be taking it slowly and centring whatever the child/client feels is right e.g. starting with pronouns and name, then moving on to physical interventions if that hasn't helped. That's an affirmative model, not neutral. It exposes the clarity in the Cass Report statement that "social transition is not a neutral act"

Re help with distress and needing to feel more androgynous, would sports bras and the progesterone only pill (to stop periods) help? These don't change the status quo that your daughter is - and will forever remain - biologically female, nor do they signpost towards transition. Whereas other interventions (breast-binding, puberty blockers) do because they start from the premise that your daughter might not be female. It's a subtle yet very important distinction when it comes to helping address feelings of distress from a neutral start point. Without that neutrality, it's impossible to unpick it.

Ps to add: the key here is having a foothold in reality (biological sex is real) while having space to explore feeling distressed (many people believe that we all have a gender identity, some people feel distressed as a result of this because they feel that they have one that doesn't "align" with their sex).

The danger of not recognising the physical reality of sex and replacing this with a belief in gender identity is being exposed in part in the Fife tribunal case. The transwoman doctor at the heart of the case says "I'm biologically female".... which is clearly and objectively not a statement of fact. For example, you can't identify out of having a prostate and being at risk of prostate cancer just by saying you're biologically female. Just as a doctor who thinks that sex is a nebulous, meaningless concept is a danger to patients (apparently this doctor is now involved with anaesthetics, where the thresholds linked to sex are very important re doses), it's dangerous for any child to lose this foothold in what is objectively real.

Although it's specifically about the Fife case, this article provides some general food for thought on the reality of sex versus the belief that we all have a gender identity - and the impact that this belief can have on decision-making:

https://forwomen.scot/12/02/2025/the-problem-with-pete/

The angle of this article is about the danger to the public of someone's belief being accepted as fact. Obviously that's not what's going on here. There's a massive difference between people like the OP's daughter and people like those discussed in the article. See infographic below. But the principle about fact v belief is the same.

Trans young person here, hopefully I can be of some help :)
Help them find a queer youth group! At the very least it will allow them to meet other people going through the same thing, which can be really powerful and help mental health. Feel free to PM me if you want to have a discussion

May I ask, how young, and what does being trans mean to you?

I figured out I was trans when I was 14, although had kind of known for quite a while before. I'm now an adult, but in the lower range (sorry don't want to share too much personal info on here). Being trans used to be really difficult for me, I really struggled with my mental health because of it (and also due to other reasons) and hated my body a lot. Now I feel really positively about it – I've found an incredible community and friends and even on the days when my dysphoria is worse, it's so much more manageable now that I've found people who relate to me. Finding a community online can be helpful, but nothing compares to having close friends who understand you irl. To me, being trans is something about myself that isn't necessarily that important when interacting with a lot of people, but internally and with specific friends, it now brings me so much joy!

You're asking this on MN? Have you read anything in MN before?

I think total honesty about the route they want to go down.

Why does she think being 'androgynous' will stop her self harming? Changing how you look whether it is clothes or surgical procedures do not change the person inside.

Surgical transition is right for some people.
Social transition is right for some people.
Talking therapy is right for probably most people and is the one you can change your mind about most easily.

If I was 16 now I'm fairly sure I would be trans. But I'm now a 50+ year old woman who didn't want to be male, I just didn't want to be girly or have big boobs.

There is a saying about getting a tattoo, get the design you want and then put it in a drawer for 2-3 years. If you still like it then, then you are probably safe to have it done and not hate it in a couple of years.

Outcomes are much better for people who have a mature body.

Taking testosterone can force you to need a hysterectomy. Is there any chance she might want children in the future?