Safe space for parents of LGBT adults

[Name5]

As the title says really. If anyone wants to ask a question re their adolescent/adult DC.
I have been in this position for 8 years and the issues are very different for adult people versus children.

@Name5 aaah I didn't know that. No she's not so I guess that at least means there's a few years so if it does happen, it will be because she's sure.

That sounds like a balanced way to support your daughter, OP.

many surgeons will not operate on anyone under this age.

Are you sure? If so that's reassuring to hear because of the way the brain matures more by this age regarding an understanding of risk, as you say, but my understanding was that surgeons in the UK are generally happy to operate (breasts or penis/testicles) from 18. It's currently lower than this in many states in the US but looks like it's going to be changing to 19 at a federal level.

There are two surgeons operating in the UK. Northern Ireland and London. Private only.
Our waiting lists are six years.

My son is now my trans daughter, in their mid 20s.
There was no early gender incongruity, it started at around 16.
My youngster isn't a pervert or a misogynist. They are deeply autistic and vulnerable, and I think their views of themself as female stem from a deep sense of "otherness" as a male person. I find the hints of a theme on this thread that transmen are vulnerable but transwomen are nefarious a bit upsetting. In my experience the young transwomen we know are all vulnerable autistic people very similar to transmen but transition about 5 to 10 years later, in late teens to early 20s. They are not the same group as married men who transition in their 30s or 40s I don't think.

I can only say that since they came out they have come on so much in confidence, happiness and so in. We had 4 years in a darkened bedroom and now my DC goes cycling, and does voluntary work. They use a female name and prefer female pronouns but accept that some people don't know and some people make mistakes. There are no tantrums about it. They wear their old clothes and have a couple of skirts and dresses as well. They don't use female spaces at all.

I was previously quite terfy but the fact is, my DC was incredibly unhappy and now they are not.

Their plan is for hormones but not surgery.

Hi diverze and welcome. I take on board what you’re saying about comments being anti- trans women - I hope I’ve not said anything to upset you but apologise if I have. If something else to be mindful of. I guess I wanted to say that I think there are a small
minority of people using the trans agenda for gain, and everyone else is just trying to live their life and work out their issues.

it sounds as if your child’s journey has been a bit like my child’s - embracing a trans identity has brought them happiness and taken them out of a dark place - that’s good to hear. And perhaps similarly to you, my views have shifted through witnessing that journey. You can’t uphold the same gender critical perspective when you’re presented with a real-life situation that shows you something different, can you?

So my Dd is starting to play with pronouns, they/them and he/him although happy with us continuing to use she/her, using her name and calling her our daughter. I'm reaching a stage of more acceptance and peace with it although every now and again feel overwhelmed by it. I think this will lessen with time but it's tough and not something I expected to have to deal with all those years ago when I became a mum! The world has changed so much and I don't think despite being very open minded I was ready for this!