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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

My daughter is identifying as trans 6 months after sexual assault

55 replies

fluffyapple · 03/09/2024 23:53

Hi, so unfortunately in March my daughter was raped. It was at a party that I didn't even know she was at. She's 14. Before this she was happy and confident and doing well but since then she's a lot more withdrawn and unfortunately spends most of her time in her room not wanting to interact with anyone. Obviously this is understandable as she went through something that noone should have to. This weekend she told me that she thinks she's trans. I am fairly liberal and generally accepting of LGBT people but I am very sceptical of her being trans. Prior to this happening, she showed no signs of being trans and I think a lot of this can be explained by what happened. I think she thinks basically had she been a boy then this wouldn't have happened, which is true, and so she wishes she was and she feels uncomfortable with her body because of it. I think she kind of wants a fresh start and new identity and something to blame her problems on. I don't know if this makes sense. She wants us to affirm her as trans but I don't think she is and I worry that doing so will make it hard for her to change her mind. She has been having counselling and she is keen to go to these sessions but she doesn't want to talk about them after, and she says her counsellor has agreed that she is trans. I messaged Mermaids about this earlier and the person I talked to was quite dismissive of this. They said that lots of trans people have trauma from the past that makes people doubt that they are, but that they are almost always trans and it's almost always unrelated just makes people doubt them. Tbh I seemed very unsure about this and have done quite a lot of research since about things like the Cass report and her situation sounds similar to some others who didn't turn out to be trans. Also, I read that this might be a good place to ask? Just basically want advice on what I should do to try and help her and what you all think about the situation?

OP posts:
MarvellousMonsters · 08/09/2024 11:57

HolyMoly24 · 06/09/2024 14:14

In addition to some of the excellent advice above, could you have a conversation with her around understanding that she wants to reject her femininity etc after what she has been through but she can do that without being trans. She can reject all norms of femininity if that makes her feel better but it doesn't have to be as extreme as identifying as a different gender.

There is more than one way to be a woman.

Sorry if this is obvious, I'm certainly no expert on this but was just my initial thought when I read your post.

I hope your daughter is ok whatever happens, what an awful ordeal for her.

Different sex. Different SEX. Not gender. Gender is a social construct and ultimately a meaningless set of stereotypes.

The rest, yes, exactly. She can reject stereotypical femininity, and be androgynous (or non-binary, as it's now called) and then get a new therapist that isnt swayed by trans nonsense.

HolyMoly24 · 08/09/2024 11:59

@MarvellousMonsters thank you for correcting me, I did indeed mean sex.

ScrollingLeaves · 08/09/2024 14:43

MarvellousMonsters · 08/09/2024 11:57

Different sex. Different SEX. Not gender. Gender is a social construct and ultimately a meaningless set of stereotypes.

The rest, yes, exactly. She can reject stereotypical femininity, and be androgynous (or non-binary, as it's now called) and then get a new therapist that isnt swayed by trans nonsense.

androgynous (or non-binary, as it's now called)

Yes, enjoying an androgynous style has been around for ever; and an inner feeling of just being - completely regardless of femininity or masculinity - is just normal.

It is horrific though once you know your female body coming into adolescence is an object of non stop lust and you are not allowed to just ‘be’.

That’s why being with animals might help
her.

MarvellousMonsters · 08/09/2024 20:59

HolyMoly24 · 08/09/2024 11:59

@MarvellousMonsters thank you for correcting me, I did indeed mean sex.

It's so ingrained in our language now, I try to correct it when ever I see it, but not everyone takes it well.

MarvellousMonsters · 08/09/2024 21:01

@ScrollingLeaves

"It is horrific though once you know your female body coming into adolescence is an object of non stop lust and you are not allowed to just ‘be’."

It really is. And relentless. The constant pressure to 'stay sexy' at any age, it's so objectifying and demeaning.

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