Did wants to be trans

[greycatmoth]

I was tidying up my dd’s desk as it’s the end of holidays and I wanted to sort out a work space for her to start year 8. Trying to be more organised this year. I opened an exercise book to see if I should chuck it or keep it. She’d written a note to herself. Saying she “wants to be trans so bad”. Not that she is trans, or that she’s a boy- but that she wants to be trans.
She also wrote about how she really wants her period to start. The two statements seems to be at odds to me- as if you wanted to be male bodied then wouldn’t a period be horrifying?
she’s a very petite feminine girl. She loves clothes and make up and perfumes. Her favourite top at the moment is a spaghetti strap crop top with peaches and love hearts on it. Her favourite bottoms are crochet hot pants in pink and yellow that she made herself ( the argument if these are appropriate for a 12 yo requires it’s own thread!). She does have short hair- but it’s very Flicky and blonde and is carefully blow dried by her.
she has no male friends except one who is she says is gay. She has no typically male interests. She’s never been stereotypically masculine.
should I speak to her about this? Say I’ve seen the note? Could she really be trans?

She’s 13!
Keep her busy and enjoying being who she is. Dont let go spiral into what she doesn’t really feel or understand.
If it’s genuine, time will tell…

Not sure I'd speak to her at the moment. What you've read is kind of private and may not need to be taken very seriously at the moment. Just keep an eye on her & be alert to changes maybe?

And keep dropping into conversation that girls shouldn't be limited in interests or careers by their sex, and that you can't change sex.

She is 13. She wants to fit in and she wants to be different at the same time. These days that means coming out as something. At one point my DD then 13 had about 10 pansexual friends who left her sobbing voice notes about how their parents would never understand, a number who thought they were really boys and lots of non binaries. Not one now thinks they are trans now they are 18, two of the pans are lesbians and the rest are hetero.

One of the very worst things that adults do to teenagers now is to treat their every utterance on the topic of gender as some hugely big deal. It is normal for teenagers to play with identity and it is normal for them to change their mind on a weekly basis. The adults in their lives should just nod and smile and say "that's nice dear" while giving it no power whatsoever.

I’m afraid being trans is all that teenagers want to be in some circles-it’s a fad-had two teenage granddaughter’s saying the same thing as all their friends are trans-school have allowed this nonsense by letting them change their names-I can’t wait for the next fad to come along.Both are autistic so I think it was more about how they fit in-etc rather than genuinely need to change sex.it is the hot topic at school-We just didn’t fuss about it, both girl’s have decided they like boys after all and they are girls.it’s just a phase.especially as something like 0.05 of population are genuinely trans.

Maybe she just thinks she's like to be trans because it's such a big thing at the moment, maybe it's 'cool' at her school, maybe one of her friends is/says she is and dd wishes she could be like her, maybe she's seen things on the internet, maybe it was just a thing in the moment or maybe she thought it might be 'fun' or 'different'. So many possibilities, I'd just keep an eye on her internet use, get to know her friends, encourage her in her hobbies and not mention it right now.

I wanted to be a vampire when I was 12/13.

I wrote about it a lot in my diary.

It didn’t MEAN anything. This is the same

That said, be vigilant for any school staff jumping on this and taking it further. Remember that she is a child and might need you to advocate that actually she is and always will be a female.

You've reminded me that I wanted to be a high class hooker. Don't ask where I got that idea from but now I can't think of a career Id enjoy less.

I'm 34 and would still like to be a vampire.
The relief from the backache alone would be fantastic! 😅

Can't you hang upside down now?

Maybe she means she wishes she was a trans girl instead of just a plain old boring female one.

I wouldn't talk to her about it. Teenagers will say they want to be XYZ and it doesn't necessarily mean anything. She probably doesn't even know quite what 'trans' means and is very much figuring things out about her own identity and others.

If she starts talking about being/ wanting to be male or non-binary, that's when you start taking it more seriously.

She didn’t say she is trans but that she wants to be trans. Teenage girls talk a load of rubbish, I certainly did. I wouldn’t take it very seriously. But I would just watch her internet usage.

Remember that a lot of media and social media aimed at a younger crowd has really pressed "trans" as a cool and sparkly thing to be. For a girl who clearly cares a lot about being trendy and noticeable it's not surprising it might have some appeal.

So it could well be nothing, but then again I wouldn't rule out the possibility of it developing into something more substantial - it might not take her much to realise "oh, I can be trans if I want to". And that decision probably isn't in her best interests long-term (especially as an apparently happily feminine female). Maybe keep an eye on her internet usage and media consumption, encourage her to have active hobbies, read older books etc.