Son maybe gay

[Newhere78]

Am just posting to get another perspective

Our ds, 23, has moved back in with us
This morning I went into his bedroom to collect mugs and plates he leaves in there
whilst in his room I noticed he had numerous gay erotic fiction books
I have long suspected he was gay, and have tried to create an environment where he would feel comfortable coming out
Am unsure as to whether I should try and raise this with him or let it be?

My DS is 20 and I don't think it's any of my business what he's reading nor his sexual preferences.

Leave it. Get him to bring down cups etc from his own room.

Tbh I accidentally found out my son had a bf, I did bring it up with him because he was quite young and I wanted to make sure the bf wasn't older. It wasn't a stressful conversation. Bf was same age, phew, much relief, then that was that. Been together quite awhile now.

First of all, stop cleaning up after him and demand he do so himself, as well as other household chores. He's not a child and you are definitely not his skivvy.

Secondly, I think you should let him come to you. He may never want to discuss it and that's his right.

Just keep creating that safe environment. If you have any gay friends or coworkers that you can believably mention in passing that might help. As a gay person I feel safe when people talk positively about gay people they know eg ‘my colleague and his husband are on holiday in Cyprus and it looks so nice - look at the pool!’ But if you haven’t got an excuse don’t force it :)

My dd came out at 13. It was huge for her and a complete non-issue for us.

you have to let them come to you. All you can do is make sure your offspring are aware that you are accepting.

I know about those cups.... argh!

My son is not gay but I have some great friends who are gay (girlfriends, and men, was abused by men so feel safe with gay men).

Have worked with them, had fun times in gay bars, love them.

All are successful in their line of work and are some of the nicest men I know.
Many straight men are great too. I just don't hang out with racists, homophobics, etc.

Be loving and open with him. Nobody chooses to be gay.

I have a lesbian friend whose brother has not talked to her in 40 years, due to being a self-righteous religious bigot. I would hate to be like that.

Thanks for these advice, yes will leave it to him to come out when he’s ready
AI911 yes will do

P.S. Don't hang out with misoginists or bitches either.... life is so much more pleasant....

Thanks, will keep that in mind 🙂

I always say "We are all God's Children" And the Goddess!🙏

My ds is 20 & came out to me age 12. He got married to his partner last year, they are happy together. Like you, when I first found out I was sad that the chances are I would never have grandchildren, worried sick that he could be attacked for being gay & terrified that someone could take advantage of him but when he met his dp I began to feel more confident about the future for him. He is starting at university in our city in September, spreading his wings even more. There have been so many changes in the last 2 years, he left home when he was 18 to live with his partner, got married last year & moved into what will be their forever home earlier this year.

I'm having the same issue, son is 25 and I have long suspected he's gay, but he's never said anything to us, maybe he just assumed we know, I don't know...I don't like having secrets, it's not as if I would be interrogating him about his love life. He is very straight acting and I think he probably feels it will affect his friendships etc if he comes out, he's in a rugby team for example.
It's a barrier to normal communication, he still lives at home. I would just like to know and then move on without making a big deal of it, the uncertainty is unsettling.
Would it really be so awful for me to drop some hints?
He's on the autism spectrum and tends to find conversations about feelings awkward, he is very shy.

My son is 14 and if he ever brings home a girlfriend I will be beyond shocked. I’ve always been very open and I don’t expect him to ‘come out’ to me, just bring his chosen partner to meet me when he’s ready.

He has actual paper books? I’d be so proud.

I wouldn't say a word*

Presumably you'll find out if he is gay or not when he eventually brings someone important to him home. Until then, it isn't relevant. Maybe he is gay, maybe he is bi, perhaps he is straight and just likes the articles.

*other than to clean his own room or pay for a cleaner.

I'm in my 70s my daughter and her female partner are in their 50s. It's a non issue, apart from you going into his bedroom. That's his space and you have no right to be in there.

But then, he has no right behaving like a 15 year old, hoarding crockery in his bedroom.

I'm my view, your conversation should be around that issue, not the issue of his sexuality.

Let him be.

When he's ready to talk to you about he will and when that time comes just be supportive and open