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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Daughter hates her body

7 replies

Mum240218 · 20/03/2024 21:24

My 12 year old daughter recently told me she is bi-sexual and her pro nouns are they/them.
Which is fine, as long as she is happy I'm happy, she knows this.
When I asked some questions about the they/them stuff, she said it was because she felt insecure about her boobs, (they are big for a 12 year old) she wears baggy clothes and has done for a while, she said it because she doesn't want to be sexualised, which is also understandable.
I asked her if she wanted to be a boy, she said no.
She said she knows she's a girl and doesn't have an issue with that, but wants to be they them, I don't totally understand.
I told her all teens go through this and it's normal to be overwhelmed about our bodies changing, hers has changed so quickly and at an early age she started her period at 11.
I asked her if she felt depressed or anxious, she doesn't, and I believe that, she tells me everything, she doesn't hide away and is generally happy.
I do think most kids go through this, but the need to put a label on everything makes it sound worse, when I was at school I was a tomboy is this a similar situation?
she has met new friends at high school and has had no problems with them, she's actually smashing school!
Her new friends are mostly LGBTQ, and I just wonder, in a bid to fit in this is what she wants.
She also said she might change her mind in the future nothing is solid.

I suppose what I'm saying is, I support her in everything she does, but how do I support her in the correct way.

OP posts:
2mummies1baby · 21/03/2024 10:05

I don't think you really need any advice- you just need to go with what she's saying, whether or not you understand. You may not like to put a label on things, but your daughter obviously does, and that's fine. It's great that she's open to those labels changing in the future.

MamaWillYouBuyMeAWillYouBuyMeABanana · 21/03/2024 10:06

Just use neutral language and don't make a fuss honestly.

StroppyTop · 21/03/2024 10:09

Sounds like you’re doing fine. Keep listening to her, steer clear of labels, do stuff together that she wants to do, esp physical stuff if you can get her to - great for seeing what her healthy strong body can do rather than what it looks like. Be grateful she’s happy at school.

You’ve got this 👍🏼👍🏼

ru53 · 21/03/2024 10:19

Agree with pp, be quietly accepting just don’t make it into a big deal. I think your assessment is probably spot on and as she feels more comfortable in her body it will become less of an issue to her. I was a tomboy when I was young too & think if I was that age now I’d probably be similar to your daughter. You sound like a lovely mum.

Guavafish1 · 21/03/2024 10:23

It's normal to through this process in life. What really help me was finding women who were very comfortable and powerful with their bodies.

Mum240218 · 21/03/2024 14:38

Thank you for these lovely messages, honestly I'm just going with it, I love our relationship and I'm honestly so pleased she shared this with me, I am thinking the same as all you guys, and feel reassured I'm doing the right thing!
I think there is such pressure on these children to fit in, but if she is happy, and I think she is, I'm happy.
They like to keep us on our toes!

OP posts:
Firealarm1414 · 24/06/2024 18:51

Bumping this thread as I am in a pretty much identical situation with my 12 year old DD. She has been saying she's gay for a while (no issue with this) but now says she isn't a girl, and has more "social dysphoria" rather than a dislike for her body. This means she feels bad when people refer to her a girl but can't really explain why. Im unsure of the right course of action. I really think she is too young to be changing pronouns and she has most definitely been taken in by gender ideology online which I'm worried means she will progress into eventually wanting to be a boy or take hormones etc. It actually seems like an obsession as it is dominating family life right now with constant discussions (usually when we're in public for some reason) and tears and upset when we don't use they/them pronouns (also usually in public ) She is also labelling herself as on "the asexual spectrum", which I find even worse as she is 12 and has no clue about how she might feel in that regard in the future. My husband thinks it's all nonsense and refuses to go along with it so this is also causing tension between us.

She has never shown any signs of gender dysphoria throughout her childhood, this has all started in just the past month.

How is your child now?

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