DS online BF

[Hairyfairy01]

So DS 16 (nearly 17) has just come out to me and said he has a BF 17 who he chats to online. I have zero issues with him being gay, although it was unexpected. My concern is the online element. The BF lives about 4/5 hours from us. I've asked DS if he is sure he is 17 and is who he claims he is basically. DS assures me he is. I have no reason to doubt DS, but he can be a bit naive, and I know online dating is a huge thing now days. But I guess I'm worried the BF isn't 17 and actually a lot older, or he's not who he says he is at all and is going to try and get videos / photos of him and use them to blackmail him or something. I want to try and say hello to this BF on a video chat or something, ideally have a quick chat with his parents. But DH thinks I'm mad and at nearly 17 we just need to leave him to it and trust him. What if he wants to meet him in person? Any advice?

I totally understand your concern @Hairyfairy01 - at the extreme end of my concern, the memory of Breck Brednar springs to mind

Does your son chat online by typing only, of is it by facetime? I think at least by facetime they'd be "visual proof" I guess?

I think I'd approach with curiosity and interest and encourage your DS to talk about his online boyfriend - whats he like, does he share interests, what interests etc, what school/college does he go to, where does he live etc - go gently and ease this information out naturally in conversation over a period of time

Then I'd encourage you to a bit of background research into this person in some way - see their social media presence insta, tiktok, discord etc, reverse search their photo or whatever you can. It's all possible without being cambatative, uou just need to be clever about it.

... meanwhile I'd encourage as much local friendship interactions as possible - have friends round for pizza and movie nights - bowling, cinema trips etc.

Thank you for your reply. I agree, I think approach with curiosity is going to be my best tactic. As a typical teenage boy he doesn't talk much, but I'll try and get bits of information about this BF. I'm not sure if they video chat or just type. I never hear him 'talking' to anyone online, but then he has plenty of opportunities where he is in the house alone to do this should he wish. I agree, I would be happier if they are having 'face to face' contact. I'm hoping this is just some normal 17 year old boy, but like you say, there has been so many tragic cases in recent years.