Is she gay?

[Delilah418]

Ok so I don't even know if this belongs here but I'm hoping someone can help. My daughter is 18. She has never had a boyfriend and it seemed to be affecting her self esteem. She had a few boys that she was talking to but she always gets ghosted, friend zoned or the guy is just not interested. Recently I noticed her listening to indie music and loves a few lesbian artists. This is new to me and my only child. I wonder is she's gay? I don't want her to carry around a secret and feel she can't talk to me but I don't want to assume she's gay because of her music choices. Should I ask her and tell her she safe no matter what or let it go?

Music won't tell you anything.

Who are the posters of on her wall? That was the biggest sign my lesbian friends mum missed- all her posters were girls, bar one guy in heavy makeup with long hair!

Either way does it matter if she is? If my family members are anything to go by its a really non event to be gay these days. Even if she does like girls doesn't mean she doesn't like boys as well. You could bring it up talking about the artists if you want to reassure her whatever her preference is in the future it's fine with you.

Her music choices may be a sign that her sexual identity is evolving or she may simply be enjoying fab music! Initiate a conversation and tell her she is safe no matter what x

Absolutely 💯 this it does not matter she is still your daughter at the end of the day.

If I was in op position and it was my ds I would want him to tell me in his own time,when he felt comfortable and it would make absolutely no difference to me I would still love him the same.

Op if she is then she will tell you in her own time when she's ready I don't feel you can predict someone's sexuality on the music they listen to.

You can't know from music but I wouldn't be worried if she is but hasn't told you, it doesn't mean she is necessarily keeping a big secret.
Maybe she is still figuring it out.

But for some people, obviously not everyone, there is way less focus on 'coming out' now.
Often, because it's normal and so accepted now and if you know your parents wouldn't mind, why should you have to sit them down and declare it if you don't feel like it.
Because for a lot of families, being gay isn't something that is shocking or a big deal anymore, it doesn't warrant a big awkward announcement when you can just say "I'm seeing this girl Sofia from college, is it alright if I stay at hers on tuesday" because she knows it's no different than if she were dating a boy.
Either way I wouldn't be worried, if she fancies girls and wants to tell you about it, she will do it her own time, maybe after she has dated a few.
Thinking about it, my brother never actually told me he was gay and he has had a husband for 4 years. It was just something that we knew about him as he got older, like how we knew he didn't like seafood and his dream job was to be a pilot, it's just another detail in a persons life.
As long as she knows you would love her and be happy with whoever she's dating, everything should be fine.

You can't really know unless you ask her if she is sexually attracted to women. I can't imagine you really want to have that conversation and not many 18 year olds want to discuss their sexual desires with their parents!

I think just be open and close and make sure she knows that you love her no matter what and it really isn't a big deal if she is attracted to / has relationship with men / women / whoever she is attracted to... as long as she is safe and happy, then you are happy too.

And she may still be working it out. I'm a woman married to a woman, but in my late teens (and half my 20's) I still thought I was 'straight' and just had a bit of a sexual attraction to women that I might 'try out' one day...

I would just leave it. She’ll come out when she’s ready - assuming you aren’t a conservative household who have taught her that being gay is wrong. My sister was 27 when she brought her partner home to my parents. Never actually came out. My daughter on the other hand announced it with show tunes when she was ten. It doesn’t define them. And it shouldn’t impact your relationship. Let her choose her own way and just tell her you love her.

Of course listening to lesbian musicians doesn't make you a lesbian.

If she is she'll tell her when she wants to.