DD ran away how to support DS15?

[Moomoominmo]

Hello, DD ran away to live with her partner as w are evil transphobes. She’s now gone no contact with us. She’s paid to get out of her phone contract that we were paying for, just before Xmas. Luckily she texted DS her new number. Being rejected like this is horrible, and there is quite a lot to suggest the partner is encouraging this.
i bought her a silly Christmas tree bauble. Should I post it through the letterbox with a card? Or will that push her further away.
Should I do nothing?
How do I keep DS15 occupied and happy? He loves Xmas and was so looking forward to it last year when she ran away. He looks so down and is trying to be jolly but it’s just awful.
i wanted to go somewhere exciting but DH insisted we stay here, just in case. Then it’s off to his ill parents. Just feels like the whole holiday is more gloom and then back to work etc. I’m struggling, but seeing DH after last Xmas is breaking my heart.
how can she do this to him?

Hi,
I didn’t want to read and run and also wanted to send hugs as it sounds like a heartbreaking situation. The lure of the trans ideology cannot be downplayed- it is pervasive:(
In your position I would take the gift and leave it on the doorstep with a loving but fairly neutral card. Keep the lines of communication open because if the partner is playing a part in encouraging the estrangement then you won’t want to play into it. Keep it loving, casual, not mentioning the trans issue at all. My DD is still at home (when not at college) but same rules apply for us. Good luck- I’ve found this board to be a great support.

Just realized I didn't answer your main question! In your position I would fake it until I make it- try to keep away from the issue and make the best of it for your son. So go on with family life and doing fun things. Don't let the issue with your DD hold family life to ransom! Encourage him to keep in contact with his sister (without him feeling guilty for it)

Honestly, this could happen to any of us.

If your son has her number then can he meet up with her? It's also black-and-white for some people. What's her partner skin in the game?

I would ask your son to send one message and say 'we are Always here if you need us but I will give you your space'

Then focus on giving your son a happy Xmas encourage him to stay in touch and don't be in the middle.

Is your dd trans?
What exactly happened?

Thanks everybody, your suggestions are much appreciated.
Thanks dot I’m sorry you are going through this as well.
DS is in contact, Im concerned she’ll be driving a wedge.

I’m tempted to leave a card and joke bauble that just says, to DD, merry Christmas from us.
but then do I write in it merry Christmas to the partner and their parents?
do I write ,’we are always here, but we will give you your space’
will that diffuse things maybe?
will they be pd off that I dropped a card off at their house?
DH says leave nothing as DD has gone no contact and anything we write will be analyzed and outraged by.
but yes, RIPdotcotton this makes sense. My instinct says a very simple,’merry Xmas from us’ and that’s it.
But I no longer trust my instinct.
josette yes my daughter is trans, we didn’t have a problem with that, but she has been convinced we have.
thanks

I love the idea of the card and bauble to her and partners family. Especially saying you're always there. It makes it clear you are supporting her and that it has been her choice to leave.

You are doing a great job. 💖

nice of you to say.
dont think I have.
Havent dropped off card. Worried it will be misconstrued.
She is accusing us of all manner of awful stuff

Hey Moo - sorry I've been absent from your thread - got busy with Christmas.

How are you doing? Thinking of you and your family.

Gosh delphinium how nice to hear from you! no need to apologize! Hope Xmas was ok.
Got to get up, but didn’t want to forget to reply xxxx