DS 11 has a boyfriend

Myotis · 2023-11-08T20:35:04+00:00

Hi- my son told me earlier this year he was gay, totally fine, and he had now said he has a boyfriend. He is only 11 though and I am not quite sure what I should be doing or saying to him apart from supporting him? Can anyone help who has been through this please?

jellybe · 08/11/2023 20:52

Surely the same thing you would say if he had a girl friend. At that age relationships are often nothing more than bf/bf in name and should be lite and fun. Nothing serious, hanging out together etc. but also having time for other friends.

Original poster

Myotis · 08/11/2023 20:54

I know- probably totally over thinking it! I just said the same to my husband

OP posts:

jellybe · 08/11/2023 20:58

I think it's normal to over think things the first time a DC has a bf or gf. Especially when they are young.

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 23:22

As soon as they start secondary school children are exposed to a huge amount of (often dodgy) information about different sexualities, with the strong inference that you need to be LGBTQ+ to be cool. If they haven’t yet developed any sexual feelings they may decide they’re gay when in fact they are just age 11 and want to hang out with their same-sex friends like most 11 year olds do.

I would be very cautious about letting an eleven year old think of himself as any particular sexuality, and I’d be clear with him that he is still a child, far too young to be thinking about sexual matters. And I would be very curious to know what he’d been exposed to at school before suddenly deciding that he’s gay. I bet there’s a super-friendly super-fun LGBTQ+ club saying he can’t hang out with them unless he’s gay…

I do know some people who were pressured into same-sex experiences as young teens that they later regretted.

Original poster

Myotis · 09/11/2023 09:46

That is a helpful post, thanks
I will have a casual chat with him again

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/11/2023 09:49

That is young but as with any “relationship” of that age it will just be a close friendship. Treat it as you would if he had a “girlfriend”, with clear boundaries.

starborne · 09/11/2023 09:50

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 23:22

As soon as they start secondary school children are exposed to a huge amount of (often dodgy) information about different sexualities, with the strong inference that you need to be LGBTQ+ to be cool. If they haven’t yet developed any sexual feelings they may decide they’re gay when in fact they are just age 11 and want to hang out with their same-sex friends like most 11 year olds do.

I would be very cautious about letting an eleven year old think of himself as any particular sexuality, and I’d be clear with him that he is still a child, far too young to be thinking about sexual matters. And I would be very curious to know what he’d been exposed to at school before suddenly deciding that he’s gay. I bet there’s a super-friendly super-fun LGBTQ+ club saying he can’t hang out with them unless he’s gay…

I do know some people who were pressured into same-sex experiences as young teens that they later regretted.

Lots of people know they're gay at eleven without being "influenced".

oneinamillieon · 13/11/2023 13:31

it's nothing to worry about, when theyre that young relationships are usually nothing more than close friends with a different label on it, maybe holding hands and a very quick kiss once in a while. 11 year olds are smart enough to know that they're too young for that kind of thing.

SueSpeaksTheTruth · 04/12/2023 18:36

Its always a slight worry when your kids get into relationships young. It's normal to overthink but It likely is innocent. However, I think talking to you DS is important and maybe try ask him about what having a boyfriend is like and what that entails. Also, do you know much about the 'boyfriend' for example, in terms of age are they similar ages. Also, bare in mind whilst it is likely harmless and just them hanging out it's possible the other boy could've been exposed to certain things that he may push onto your DS or pressure him into. Just something to keep in mind.

2mummies1baby · 02/01/2024 14:36

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 23:22

As soon as they start secondary school children are exposed to a huge amount of (often dodgy) information about different sexualities, with the strong inference that you need to be LGBTQ+ to be cool. If they haven’t yet developed any sexual feelings they may decide they’re gay when in fact they are just age 11 and want to hang out with their same-sex friends like most 11 year olds do.

I would be very cautious about letting an eleven year old think of himself as any particular sexuality, and I’d be clear with him that he is still a child, far too young to be thinking about sexual matters. And I would be very curious to know what he’d been exposed to at school before suddenly deciding that he’s gay. I bet there’s a super-friendly super-fun LGBTQ+ club saying he can’t hang out with them unless he’s gay…

I do know some people who were pressured into same-sex experiences as young teens that they later regretted.

What a load of utter bollocks. Please don't listen to this homophobic nonsense, OP. All the gay people I know knew they were gay before they turned 11. I'm so glad kids these days feel able to come out.

Girahim · 03/01/2024 15:20

Thesunsstillupthere · 08/11/2023 23:22

As soon as they start secondary school children are exposed to a huge amount of (often dodgy) information about different sexualities, with the strong inference that you need to be LGBTQ+ to be cool. If they haven’t yet developed any sexual feelings they may decide they’re gay when in fact they are just age 11 and want to hang out with their same-sex friends like most 11 year olds do.

I would be very cautious about letting an eleven year old think of himself as any particular sexuality, and I’d be clear with him that he is still a child, far too young to be thinking about sexual matters. And I would be very curious to know what he’d been exposed to at school before suddenly deciding that he’s gay. I bet there’s a super-friendly super-fun LGBTQ+ club saying he can’t hang out with them unless he’s gay…

I do know some people who were pressured into same-sex experiences as young teens that they later regretted.

What a load of shit.

YoullCatchYourDeathInTheFog · 03/01/2024 15:22

I'd check the age of this boyfriend, just as I would if my 11 year old DD announced she had one. If 10/11/12 then I'd relax, anything outside that I'd be twitchy.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/01/2024 15:29

How old is the boyfriend?

And yes I'd be asking if either he was a she,--

sunshinesupermum · 03/01/2024 15:30

My exh who only came out after 30 years of marriage told me then that he knew he was attracted to boys while still at Junior school. If only he'd been honest back then.

Alicewinn · 03/01/2024 15:33

2mummies1baby · 02/01/2024 14:36

What a load of utter bollocks. Please don't listen to this homophobic nonsense, OP. All the gay people I know knew they were gay before they turned 11. I'm so glad kids these days feel able to come out.

Show quote history

Utterly homophobic. I knew I was gay too when I was about 3!

Dragonflyhelper · 05/01/2024 20:56

I second being concerned about how old the bf is and if they know them IRL or online and how did they meet? It's a different world from when we had crushes at 11.

C0untDucku1a · 05/01/2024 21:00

11 is too young for boyfriends. For both girls and boys. That‘s what id say.

Ask him questions. The PSHE SoL should be on the school website and you can certainly request the RSE curriculum,