DS is experimenting

[aristarx]

I don't know what to do, I'm shocked.

DS is 14, he's immature in some ways but also very sensible compared to his brothers at this age, he started puberty before his friends with him having a growth spurt and voice breaking around Christmas when he was still in Y7. He's generally well behaved.

He's friends with a boy age 15, but 16 at the start of Jan, they've been friends since they were at primary school as they were both doing a club at the time. He's a nice boy and they still get along really well. He comes over often and they play games together, always in DS’s room and I never suspected anything else. They rarely go to the boys house due to him sharing a room with a sibling but I never found it odd.

Last night DS was showing me something on his phone and a message from friend popped up saying ‘Don’t tell anyone’ I asked DS what it was all about because I thought it was odd, he said nothing but by the look on his face I knew he was lying.

I'm ashamed to admit but when he was in bed I checked his phone, mainly because I thought it was something that shouldn't be hidden. The messages were fairly innocent but some were hinting at something, them both worrying about someone finding out and them saying it won't happen again.

The message I saw was part of a conversation where DS asked for a nude and friend said no and something about next time.

I don't have an issue with him being gay, if he is. But I feel he's too young and I don't know how to handle this! Do I tell him what I saw? I'm worried he won't trust me

too young for what? he's an appropriate age to be figuring out his sexuality if you mean that, but obviously sharing nudes isn't appropriate and needs to be addressed. can you have a generic talk about how wrong that is and he shouldn't ever do it , there's plenty of news about it to show you've just been reading an article or something and want to bring it up?

Oh god you’ve opened such a Pandora’s box with this action. You now know something you wouldn’t have known otherwise and it’s going to be obvious when you no longer let them share a room. You need to fess up OP.

I mean too young to be experimenting sexually. We've had multiple chats about sending nudes over the years, and he was also learning about the dangers at school.

You need to speak to him about the nudes request but to save him any embarrassment, I’d just have a general chat.

I’d start by saying you’ve been thinking about the message you saw saying ‘don’t tell anyone’ and you understand he doesn’t want to tell you.

Say that’s got you thinking about him being a teen, needing privacy but that you’re his mum and worry so you want to go over a few things.

Then I’d talk about everything from drugs, smoking and internet safety to vaping, sex and consent. Include nudes and the fact he can get into trouble for that. Hopefully with it being mixed in with everything, he’ll take it on board without feeling any embarrassment.

Let him know you’re there for him if he does want to talk.

Bump

Could you have some kind of loud convo with DH along the lines of: ‘oh god, you’ll never believe this, Sue’s son has been asking another child for nude photos! That’s obviously illegal so she’s worried sick that her son will be in trouble with police!’

Passive aggressive perhaps, but it’s either that, or fessing up.

DS already knows that it's illegal to send and ask for nudes, I'm more worried about how to deal with them having sex!!

DS already knows that it's illegal to send and ask for nudes, I'm more worried about how to deal with them having sex!!

Well he’s still fucking asked for them so clearly it hasn’t sunk in!! 🙄 You should be very concerned about it.

You’ve been given advice, he’s your son, no one can do it for you.