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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

Advice please

5 replies

Youmeanyouvelostyourkey · 06/10/2023 16:30

Hi.Our DD (14) has for a while been saying that she wants to identify as male which is fine and we have said that we will support her choice.

So far, she has changed her hair and clothes for a more masculine look. Again, fine and it's nice to see that she is no longer scared aid having her picture taken.

This week though she has said to the school that she wants to be referred to as "he" and with a new name.

Our concern is that a, it's mid term so would throw everyone off. Also, she has drawing attention to herself and we can't help thinking that is going to do the exact opposite.

She also suffers from high anxiety (disability related) so it can be a strain to keep her in school as it is. Would we be so wrong to ask her to wait until she has sat her GCSE before she does this. Her friends are largely supportive but some can be little shits and she already gets comments due to her disability

She also wants to see the dr about starting transition but is there a minimum age for this? Again, it feels that 16 is a better age but we don't want to appear unsupportive either. We would be happy for family and friends to call him by the name he wants so it would not be at school.

Where is the best place for us to get info?

Thanks

OP posts:
Branleuse · 06/10/2023 16:34

I'd tell your daughter that there's no hurry in any of it. That it's absolutely normal to feel at odds with your body, especially at this age, and identity issues come and go. That you really want her to be happy and content, but please don't expect that this will be the answer, and to maybe just change her name and clothes for now and not do anything long term or medical.

Original poster
Youmeanyouvelostyourkey · 06/10/2023 23:32

Thanks for replying. We don't want to rush it. It's finding the best way of getting that through to her without her taking it that we aren't being supportive.

She only hears what she wants to hear. Nothing strange about that I guess.

Thanks for the website link too

OP posts:
Leafstamp · 07/10/2023 17:40

If she has told the school, I’d be interested to know whether they have been in touch with you.

The latest advice from the government on this is that parents should always be informed and that extreme caution is advised in terms of any social transition.

Here’s the relevant statement: https://questions-statements.parliament.uk/written-statements/detail/2023-07-20/hcws983

In terms of medical transition there’s also been a new study out regarding the hugely increase health risks.

Lots of info on this site : https://statsforgender.org/

Home

Gender at your fingertips. The sources we use are selected for their reliability. We mostly use peer-reviewed papers; however, we occasionally refer to government-commissioned studies, authoritative bodies’ submissions to governmental commission...

https://statsforgender.org/

Original poster
Youmeanyouvelostyourkey · 08/10/2023 00:57

Thank you. We had gone to school for a meeting about something else, so pastoral teacher told us about it at the start of the meeting as they would need parental permission for her name to change at school. Also she is getting counselling for her anxiety and she told the counsellor who told the teacher as it's a safeguarding issue. School have been very good actually

Thanks for the links

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