Anyone else joyful when their child comes out to them?

tuttifritti · 2023-07-30T19:33:21+00:00

My daughter is 9 and ASD. She is exceptionally beautiful (not a humble brag - very glad she is not interested in being validated by boys). She seems so happy with who she is turning into. I worry the friendship is quite intense and that it straddles the line between friendship and girlfriend. BUT I always suspected she was gay and love that she has settled so easily into this identity, She has only confided in me (and her sister) and asked me not to tell her DF. I am so proud of her but am respecting her confidence so have NO ONE to talk to so I am shouting it here. Anyone else happy for their child?!

RoyKentsTieDyeTop · 30/07/2023 20:34

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/07/2023 20:35

She’s nine. Get a grip.

carpethediempeople · 30/07/2023 20:36

At 9 I didn't know my arse from my elbow.

I'm pleased for her that she has a supportive mum though.

Original poster

tuttifritti · 30/07/2023 20:37

Defo not a groomer. Just happy she is comfortable with who she is. So many people assign boyfriends or girlfriends to toddlers

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WhatHaveIDoneNo3 · 30/07/2023 20:37

She’s 9….

Original poster

tuttifritti · 30/07/2023 20:39

Is 9 not an age when people can know what interests them? Even in an innocent way?

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NancyJoan · 30/07/2023 20:40

At 9, my DD wanted to marry either her dad, or her best female mate. Or poss him from Horrible Histories. Honestly, she hasnt come out, she’s just trying things out.

TheOutlaws · 30/07/2023 20:41

I know a few young autistic girls who say they’re gay, but they’re young and I suspect they haven’t experienced attraction yet. They crave a close female best friend, and sometimes mistake this for being gay. Given that your DD is 9, I’d take more of a ‘it’s lovely that you’re able to share how you’re feeling at the moment’ stance.

elliejjtiny · 30/07/2023 20:42

That's great that you are so supportive. Although my 9 year old thinks he's a cat so I wouldn't be too confident that the coming out is a permanent decision.

Original poster

tuttifritti · 30/07/2023 20:44

TheOutlaws · 30/07/2023 20:41

I know a few young autistic girls who say they’re gay, but they’re young and I suspect they haven’t experienced attraction yet. They crave a close female best friend, and sometimes mistake this for being gay. Given that your DD is 9, I’d take more of a ‘it’s lovely that you’re able to share how you’re feeling at the moment’ stance.

Yes, that makes sense.

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Housefullofcatsandkids · 30/07/2023 20:46

One of my children was 10 when he said he thought he was gay. I told him that's absolutely fine if he is and absolutely fine if he changes his mind because at that age nothing is set in concrete. He's bi now at age 15 but has had more girlfriends than boyfriends.
You seem to be very relieved that she isn't interested in being validated by men but that could happen with a woman. I think it's probably a bit soon to be a definite is all and it does sound like you'll be disappointed if she hits puberty and suddenly fancies men!

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/07/2023 20:47

A lot of young people come out as one thing or another in their early teens when they feel the first stirrings of sexual attraction and it then has nothing to do with the sexuality they later say they have when they get to 18. Of course there are some who will stay the same.
At 9 they have no idea.

Original poster

tuttifritti · 30/07/2023 20:59

Housefullofcatsandkids · 30/07/2023 20:46

One of my children was 10 when he said he thought he was gay. I told him that's absolutely fine if he is and absolutely fine if he changes his mind because at that age nothing is set in concrete. He's bi now at age 15 but has had more girlfriends than boyfriends.
You seem to be very relieved that she isn't interested in being validated by men but that could happen with a woman. I think it's probably a bit soon to be a definite is all and it does sound like you'll be disappointed if she hits puberty and suddenly fancies men!

I have another daughter who would surprise me if she said she were gay.
My oldest seems more vulnerable to me and has never been that comfortable with boys. She may change her mind and that would be cool too and 9 is of course early but we assume most people are straight when they are 9 so for me there is no weirdness to assume they may have another preference as long as they all understand that there is nothing to act on until they are older.
Anyway, I only posted here because she has asked me not to tell anyone else so I can't speak anywhere else about how proud I am of her.

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/07/2023 21:06

Not assuming anything about any of them is also an option….

Original poster

tuttifritti · 30/07/2023 21:08

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/07/2023 21:06

Not assuming anything about any of them is also an option….

Fair point. But haven't assumed. It's what's she told me

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TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 30/07/2023 21:21

I was disagreeing with ‘we assume most people are straight when they are 9 so for me there is no weirdness to assume they may have another preference’.
I totally agree there is a big assumption made that kids are going to turn out to be straight. But we don’t need to do the opposite either.
And you are assuming that what she tells you at 9 is going to stick.

bananasun · 30/07/2023 22:35

People can criticise you if they want, but as someone whose parents had the opposite reaction I think this is lovely.

Inamuddle36 · 01/08/2023 12:12

@tuttifritti it sounds like you have a close and supportive relationship with your daughter. She is fortunate.
I am puzzled, though, about your feelings of “joy” and “pride”. What has inspired those feelings? The fact your daughter feels comfortable sharing her feelings with you? Or the fact she identifies as being gay?

Nivid · 02/08/2023 14:41

What is there to being soo happy about?? And intense same sex friendships are common and natural, it says nothing about their future sexual preferences, get a grip.

SpanishOmeletta · 09/08/2023 20:50

carpethediempeople · 30/07/2023 20:36

At 9 I didn't know my arse from my elbow.

I'm pleased for her that she has a supportive mum though.

This.

SilentNightDancer · 14/08/2023 10:04

She's NINE. It used to be accepted that the average nine-year-old girl finds boys weird and yucky. I sure as hell did.

Things change in many (not all) cases post puberty.

Leave her be and stop sexualising your child.

WesterChick · 20/10/2023 21:47

SilentNightDancer · 14/08/2023 10:04

She's NINE. It used to be accepted that the average nine-year-old girl finds boys weird and yucky. I sure as hell did.

Things change in many (not all) cases post puberty.

Leave her be and stop sexualising your child.

100 this

2mummies1baby · 02/01/2024 14:54

To all the people who think 9 year olds are idiots who know nothing about themselves: I was 9 when I realised I was gay. I have friends who were 5 or 6 when they realised they were gay. There's nothing sexualising about acknowledging children can and do have crushes.