My gorgeous boy is gay

[soozm127]

I don't even know why I am writing this. Perhaps it is because my son has asked me to keep his secret until he feels ready to tell the world who he really is.
My gorgeous boy who is nearly 16 has told me tonight that he is gay. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little shocked and feel the surprise it has taken me by is more disconcerting than the truth. Why hadn't I spotted any signs, has he get he had to hide it from me. I certainly don't feel any different about my son. He is still the handsome, witty fun loving boy I have always known him to be. Will his life be any different to what he and I had already imagined it to be? I don't think he would allow that, he knows what he wants and he does his best to get it. I only wish him a lifetime of love and happiness and to always know that he has a safe place with me and that there is no judgement. That I love him more than ever.

To answer your query no, I didn't find anyone attractive at age 14, but I get kids are much more forward these days and social media plays a huge part in that. Didn't have my first relationship until I was 18 or so

My stance on the porn would be the same regardless and we've hopefully dealt with that.

Please don't tell us concerned mothers to stop worrying about our children - we simply cannot help it, it's in our nature and whilst it's true, it's not the 90s and society is more tolerate I wish I could believe that his life won't be that bit harder on top of the barriers he already faces.

Yes just ignore

i wouldn’t be disappointed in him in the slightest….i bet theres loads of stuff hes been told that he hasn’t told you

tiredmama50 where did I tell you to stop worrying about your children? All I did was share my own experience which is that it is a total non issue and being gay doesn’t make my life harder. I also have a gay child and I’m not worried about that. It was supposed to be reassuring! Worrying does nothing to help our kids though and other people’s worry can be a burden.

Oh, I didn’t have my first relationship until I was much older either, I was a late starter. But I honestly think it’s unusual at 14 not to find anyone attractive. I don’t think it’s got anything to do with social media or being ‘forward’. I was a very ‘young’ teen who played with dolls into my teens… it’s just hormones as they go through puberty and I guess there’s a variation in when that happens. My friends and dc all say around 11/12/13.

I’ve got a lot of things that do make my life harder, being gay isn’t one. My children’s generation don’t seem to bat an eyelid at anyone’s sexuality which I think is great.

My 11 year old daughter has told me she is gay.
I've said to her that I am happy whatever she is but she doesn't need to label herself yet.
I'm not sure if that was the right thing to say! She is very immature for her age and I'm not sure if she was just playing around with terms and labels after learning about sexual orientation at school.
Do many girls know that they are gay at 11 years old?

Please don't say it's depressing. Children aged 11 are not thinking about 'their sexual preference'. They are wondering whether or not they're gay. Being gay is 1) not a preference and 2) not all about sex! At 11, all I was thinking was that I seemed to like other girls. My partner says that, aged 11, she simply assumed she would grow up and have a wife, because it seemed obvious. Neither of us had the faintest idea about sex!

It's a perfectly normal stage of development. Shaming children for that is the way to damage them for life.

I don't think it is a great thing to say TBH. Saying she doesn't need to 'label' herself makes it sound as if you would rather she didn't say she thinks she's gay. Of course, she might well decided she isn't gay later on, but if she is gay, she might feel as if you don't want to hear about it.

I think it isn't uncommon for people to know they're gay, or know they're straight, at 11; it's also not uncommon for people to have no idea, or to have a wrong idea.

Sorry, two comments in a row and I haven't properly replied to the OP! @soozm127 - congratulations! I get why you'd want to post this. Your boy sounds like a darling.

Why don't you wind your neck in? You know nothing of the pp's family circumstances; the younger son perhaps has vulnerabilities/issues which may be exasperated by the additional issue of trying to deal with his sexuality. Not that I'm saying he does but you just don't know. There could be any number of reasons why the older brother felt the need to disclose this information. Any number of reasons which are none of your business.

I think this is a little harsh. Children don't always know what counts as a confidence and what doesn't. I think, as an adult, that it is pretty much always wrong to 'out' someone. But I can understand that a child might not understand that. There are confidences that children know need to be shared - eg., you wouldn't want one of your children to keep it secret that the other had said they were doing something dangerous. Unfortunately, because homophobia still exists, a child might think it is something where they need to inform adults. You maybe need to have a conversation about why outing someone is wrong. But I don't think it is weird that your child thought they needed to do that.

Hi there, will your son lead a “normal” life? Will he be okay? Yes, I’m sure he will. I’m 34 and came out when I was 17. It made the world of difference having supportive family. They say they always knew because I “turned down” the prettiest girls at school but I didn’t know myself until I was 16. I was confused but I remember such a weight being lifted when I came out. I finally felt free; I finally felt happy. Don’t get me wrong, my school was pretty rough, and there was definitely homophobia. I lost a few friends - knuckle dragging weirdos in hindsight - but when I came out I gained many more. If I may, the most important thing you can tell your boy is that it’s ok for him to just be himself. I always have been. I like sports; in fact I like pretty mundane stuff! People tend to be shocked when they find out I am gay. My sexuality isn’t a “lifestyle” and in reality it hasn’t really changed anything day to day for me. I’ve never been on a pride march (nothing wrong with it but it isn’t something I’ve ever wanted to do!), and I’m not interested in drag. Some stereotypes abound, even today, but my word if I was that 17 year old today things would be so much easier. Society is so different today. With your love and support, your son will be okay.

As for me, I’m married to my husband, I’m happy and settled, we have a lovely house, we have a wonderful circle of friends, and we’re doing well in our careers. We are expecting our first baby (via surrogate) this year. We know so many gay couples in the same position as us. I actually think being gay has become so mainstream it’s a bit boring lol.

I know you can’t help but worry as you love your boy but I hope this helps. Sending you my best wishes.

Thanks for this message; it’s been really helpful and insightful and I hope all goes well with the surrogacy.

So is my gorgeous boy, he's 19, met someone last May & is now living with him. I miss him like mad.

My ds, 14, told me he was gay yesterday, took me a bit of a surprise but not hugely. Told him as long as he was happy and rich that was fine ( joke but he liked it). Glad he felt that he could tell me, we are very close - only child and his father died a few years ago, hope we remain close and he continues to feel like he can speak to me.

No, being gay doesn't mean that he is a completely different person, it just means that he fancies guys instead of girls, that's all it is.

My son told me he was gay a few weeks ago. I thought he was but left him to tell me . He is mid 20s. I have met his boyfriend ( who is lovely ) & - I know a cliche - as long as he is happy and has a nice partner I do not give a shiny hoot if he has a partner he cares about and who cares about him

Now this is a joke - I no longer have to worry about DILS. That really is a joke . But said in the spirit of so many MN posts about MILS DILS 😊

I have two sons who both came out around 14... one wasn't a surprise, one was. Both have got on really well. My eldest actually found his popularity increased at school I think girls like the idea of a 'gay best friend'. Both have had some issues with kids at school but nothing major thankfully. The world is improving for lgbt kids all the time. (Still got a way to go mind)

My son is now 32 and came out while he was at University, where he met his partner. He was scared to tell me but told his older brother. I couldn’t take the hints he gave. Told me one Friday night when he was home.I was rather shocked but my (now late) husband reacted with a strange comment about getting insurance. He’s been living in London with his partner since 2014 and they both have good jobs. He is the dominant partner but his other half has a better laid job. Don’t dislike him but wish he wasn’t male. Hard to explain.

No wonder he was scared to tell you. Bumping a thread that's almost a year old to say you wish your child wasn't gay.

What an incredibly weird comment. I feel for your poor son.

Insurance? What kind of insurance do you need if you have a gay son? 😕

My beautiful DD is. It took her quite a while to accept this herself but since she has she's so much happier.
I'm proud of her and so happy she's being who she is.