Advice needed

[Regularpostername]

I am not sure where to even start, I am a regular poster on MN but have changed names for this.
My son( 16) told us last that he was gay, I had suspected this for a couple of months as it seemed to have a crush on a boy at school. I didn't say anything to him but waited for him to tell me which he did. During last school year he developed a crush on different boys at school ( none of the boys are gay ). He was attending a very traditional all boys school at the time and told me that part of the reason he didn't tell us earlier was that we may not have let him attend the school if we knew ( he told me he knew since he was 9).

He has now said that he is not gay and doesn't know why he said he was.He is attending a different school for 6th form. He has told us many terrible lies over the years and we feel very alone. In reality it has been very difficult to believe anything he says for as long as I can remember.
Can anyone offer advice?

Kids tell untruths for different reasons - attention, they think something at the time, they have a rich fantasy life etc etc. I’d be very neutral. See what happens as he gets older.
just reassure him that you love him and always will.

He may of told you the truth and decided to take it back based on your reaction, despite the fact he might still be gay. He's at a confusing age so I doubt he's lying over this. How do you feel you reacted to the news when he told you?

Ultimately his sexuality is his own private business. He may well feel confused, people in society are still quite homophobic and he may not feel happy to navigate that right now.

Just tell him you love him regardless.

Yeah say it’s too early to know for sure and when he does it would not matter to your either way.

We reached well as I had suspected for some time. I did express some concerns over the fact he seemed to have a crush on one boy after another. as the boys were not gay. It was a very traditional school and I thought this would cause him problems. There were a few boys at school who said they are gay and he told me he hated the way they acted. He has told such huge lies over the years which have made life very difficult for us. I thought perhaps now he would be able to be himself but he is worse than ever.

I guess it depends what lies he's told previously but him fancying straight boys I guess would be normal if he is gay. It doesn't make a difference and I doubt he'd act on it if their straight. Maybe he just has a type and I'm sure he'll figure things out in time. As for him being gay or not, does it matter? Give him some slack as 16 is a confusing age as I mentioned before. I'd just tell him it doesn't matter what his sexuality is because you love him regardless. The lies you mentioned- I'm not sure as it depends what they are but if it's a common thing for him you need to speak to him about that as a separate issue.

If he has told such huge, terrible lies why are you getting hung up on this one? Maybe he thought he was gay and has now decided he's not, maybe he is but is no longer comfortable with it due to peer pressure at school, maybe he's bisexual, maybe he's just confused about it all. Just tell him he is young and has plenty of time to work out who he is and what he wants and that you love him no matter what. Did you really as a teenager not tell your parents all sorts of lies? It's hard to know if it's really an issue though unless you say what the huge lies are.

Thank you all , raising teenagers is not easy. Your advice is very helpful. x

Why does he think you would stop him going to the school?

His school was a very traditional all boys school and he said he thought we might make another choice if we knew. In hindsight I would have chosen a coed school with a more liberal and inclusive environment. He is much happier in his state 6th form college which is as inclusive as you can get.