I think my son is gay. He is anxious

[blackcatblack]

And doesn't' fit in' to use his own words.
He is intuitive, sensitive and soft... a million miles away from his classmates.
He has no solid strong friendships yet everyone likes him. He feels different and comparatively, is different to all his sports mad alpha buddies.
How do I support him.
He is a constant at my side and knows unconditionally that he is loved and accepted for who he is,by me. His dad will be ok but is your stereotypical alpha male. My son used to dress up betweeN ages 6-9 as a girl when dad left the house and also loved dolls but only when dad wasn't t around. Dad was sneery.
I think he is confused, in a fog so to speak. Please advise. I am a single parent.
Thanks

He is 12 btw and going into last year of primary school.

Hi, my son is sensitive, caring and non sporty but he's straight (so far) - your son may need support for feeling different (mine has) but he's not gay unless he fancies boys! I'm sure he's lovely. But yes, feeling different can cause a lot of confusion at puberty either way. He will need your support while he finds himself but it sounds like he has it x

You sound like a lovely mum.

One of the ways you can help is by building other centres of gravity in a child’s life, not just school. So friends from a hobby, cousins who don’t go to school, people who accept him and can act as ballast if school is feeling rocky.

My brother was a quiet, thoughtful, sensitive soul at school. He didn’t fit in with the ‘lads’ but had a small group of male and female friends. In his teens, he found music, writing and art, became a moderately talented music journalist. He’s still a thoughtful, sensitive soul, and yet, is also a married father of 2 children. Love your son, accept him, and if it turns out he’s gay, then work on his dad to accept him. Many, many heterosexual people also feel like they don’t ‘fit in’ though, so I think honestly, you’ve no way of knowing at this point.

How to support him? I would encourage him to explore a wide range of activities that will enable him to find friendship groups that don;t depend on alpha malehood. Does he play any instruments? He could join a band or orchestra or a choir. He could try a drama club or science or coding club.

Try to foster these friendships by inviting crowds of coders/Warhammer modellers/guitarists over for pizza and film night at yours occasionally, so they end up having more than one thing in common.

I'd also encourage him to have a sport of some form. If he doesn't enjoy the competitiveness of team sports, he might like running, swimming, martial arts, archery - anything which allows him to develop his skill in his own time without peer pressure.

And finally, without going over the top, make it very clear that being gay is fine and normal in your opinion. Your DH needs to rethink how he behaves if he is sneering at DS playing with dolls or dressing up. Whether your son is gay, straight or anywhere in between, being sneered at by a parent for being curious about life, or for playacting, is very damaging. It is his right (imo) to experiment in any way he wants at a young age.

There's no telling whether someone is gay from how sensitive they are. My gay son was an army cadet and sporty. My straight son is into high fashion and cooking.

Agree with the advice above about expanding friendship groups.
At secondary school it's likely he'll find more similar minded kids too.
Just try and build his confidence with new experiences too.

Thanks you.

Yes, I echo making it clear you love him and will always love him regardless of his interests or sexuality - and definitely not 'in spite of' them (very different things). Ensure you and DP don't make casual comments that could be homophobic - does DP shout things like 'bloody poofter' when watching sport, for example? Does your son have exposure to books, tv, film etc where gay characters appear - to show him that gay people are just regular people? Do you have gay friends/acquaintances?

None of those things suggest he's gay.

12 at primary school? 🤔

@Pinkflipflop85 yes, confused

There was at least one 12 year old in my P7 class at school, not sure why people are stuck on that point.

Yes I did think that but then assumed not England

Wrong thread sorry

Being sensitive and liking dolls doesn't make you gay.