DD is 15. Came out two days ago. I will be honest, untiI about 6 weeks ago I had no idea. But then I saw how she was interacting with a “friend” and started to wonder. Mentioned it to DH but didn’t say anything to DD as if my suspicion was correct, I wanted her to tell us in our own time.
The “friend” I mention above is her girlfriend. She is from school and we’ve only met her once (here at our house) and on the face of it she seems lovely.
DD has told me her g/f (also 15) hasn’t come out to her parents yet.
DD and her g/f want to meet up today - there is a distance of 15 miles and no public transport between the places so it will involve us taking/picking up. We’re fine with that (DD goes to a school that takes from a wide area and are often taking/picking up from houses if needed).
So I say yes no problem. We can take her over/pick her back up. Arrange a time. All is good.
Then DD says she’s been asked to stay over.
My immediate gut instinct was no. If it was a boyfriend I’d say no. So why should it be different because it’s a girl?
Then a bit later she wonders down stairs and tells me that her gf’s dad has offered her the spare room. I immediately smell a rat - who offers a spare room to their child’s friend for a sleepover? I asked does it mean the gf has now told her parents. DD tells me no she hasn’t. (She doesn’t have form for lying but this offer of a spare room
has confused me a bit.)
My reasonings are:
They are both only 15. Raging hormones and desire can be strong at that age! I remember!
GF’s parents don’t know. Seems disingenuous to allow our DD to stay at their house when they don’t know (although if he really did offer the room, I’d say they have a good idea and are trying to coax it out of her).
We don’t know this girl that well. She seems lovely. But equally she might not be respectful/be forecful whatever and at 15 we have a responsibility to protect DD as well as not clipping her wings.
My daughter thinks because they go to an all girls school it’s different to any sort of teen relationship I’d have had. To me, teens are teens and the likelihood of “more than kissing” is the same regardless of whether it’s two girls/two boys/one girl one boy!
So taking all that into account, was I wrong to say no to the sleepover?
I’m asking on here as DH, who was taken more by surprise than I (he brushed off my comments from when I’d seen the interacting 6 weeks ago) but who was busy elsewhere when DD asked me about the sleepover, pulled a face when I told him later on.
He thinks staying over wouud be harmless specially as the spare room has been offered (but I’ve not idea how that would be managed - “right girls it’s 11.45pm and we’re off to bed so turn the film off and Jowasace DD, you now go into this room even though every other friend has always slept in the same room.”
He did also say that he “keeps forgetting” and thinks of them as mates not gf/gf. And he also said I was clearly up to a lot more at 15 than he was (just to clarify, it was one bf and we were both quite straight laced!).
So tell me - what would
you have done when asked about the sleepover? Said no? Said yes? Given different reasons?
We could not give one jot about her sexuality.
I’m only bothered that she is 15 and to a degree I’m here to protect her. (Please let me caveat that - she has a lot of freedom; sees friends, catches public transport 25 mins to school every day, goes into various town centres with her mates to shop/cinema etc.)
Thank you.