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This board exists primarily for parents of LGBT children to swap support and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be supportive.

Helping son come out
7

tiredofficeworker · 30/06/2022 00:10

My 16 year old son told me he thinks he might be gay and is struggling in dealing with this. I sat down with him and hugged him and said it will make no difference who you are. You will always be my son and a fantastic human.

He said he's not fully sure but feels attraction to men.
We've had a difficult time at home, my husband died a few years ago suddenly from a heart attack.
His sister two years older for want of a better word has turned into an absolute wreck making our life hell..
She drinks, is out all hours , uses drugs and is always shouting and threatening us.
My son has been a pillar of strength.
At my lowest points especially when my daughter doesn't come home at night he hugs me and we have a good cry and chat.
He's very smart and wants to go into the IT field.

I would be grateful if anyone's got any tips to help him as I want him to be in a comfortable state of mind when he goes into university thanks

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MarmiteCoriander · 30/06/2022 00:16

I'm afraid I have no advice but to support what sounds like a lovely son. I'm sure there are websites, groups that may have more support both for yourself and also your son, but sounds like you are doing a great job and a lovely mum Flowers

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tiredofficeworker · 30/06/2022 00:22

MarmiteCoriander · 30/06/2022 00:16

I'm afraid I have no advice but to support what sounds like a lovely son. I'm sure there are websites, groups that may have more support both for yourself and also your son, but sounds like you are doing a great job and a lovely mum Flowers

Aw thank you , it's been a difficult time husband passing away and eldest girl just turning into this horrible person.

It's just that my son's a quiet type and hasn't had full on relationships with girls or guys for that matter. He's also too kind and sensitive and don't want him getting used or abused.

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TheDangerOfIgnorance · 30/06/2022 00:24

You have helped. You listened without prejudice. Let him be a 16yr old. No decisions need to be made. No help coming out. Just treat him the same as always. Don't keep mentioning sexuality / partners / future. He's 16 ffs too young to make big choices

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tiredofficeworker · 30/06/2022 00:43

TheDangerOfIgnorance · 30/06/2022 00:24

You have helped. You listened without prejudice. Let him be a 16yr old. No decisions need to be made. No help coming out. Just treat him the same as always. Don't keep mentioning sexuality / partners / future. He's 16 ffs too young to make big choices

Thank you good advice.

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Nat6999 · 30/06/2022 02:10

My ds came out to me age 12, it wasn't a shock, I kind of already knew. I worry that he may get hurt or meet prejudice for who he is but he is a lovely young man, kind, caring, thoughtful & intelligent, I couldn't want for a better son. Just be there for him exactly as you would be if he was straight.

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tiredofficeworker · 30/06/2022 06:22

Nat6999 · 30/06/2022 02:10

My ds came out to me age 12, it wasn't a shock, I kind of already knew. I worry that he may get hurt or meet prejudice for who he is but he is a lovely young man, kind, caring, thoughtful & intelligent, I couldn't want for a better son. Just be there for him exactly as you would be if he was straight.

Yes it must be a mother thing, not that it makes a jot of difference I also knew at an early age when he was growing up.
But bless him, I'll fully support him in any choice but he comes across too nice, too trusting and am worried he'll get hurt especially when goes off to university.
It's especially tough since his father passed away and I'll be alone only with my daughter from hell.

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IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 30/06/2022 06:48

Ok. So losing their Dad will have impacted them both. I would look at whether they can access counselling through school. She's not the daughter from hell. She is traumatised.

He's only 16 and has plenty of time to work out his sexual orientation. There are 2 years until university. I wouldn't force anything. Just be there for him.

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