Trans Child

[itwillgetbettersoon99]

So here goes. Prob going to get destroyed us but oh well.....

I have a daughter who came from very a very bad start in life that involved a lot of child trauma , abuse, physical and possible sexual.

Since being a young child has struggled consistently with making and keeping friends, to the point where she was barely invited to any parties after age 8. When she moved to a secondary she moved to a diff one to all her peers as she had no friends and found it too hard so we put her in a diff school for to have a fresh start. The first 3 years she still
Struggled , no friends ever came round. We would have to do things as a family for her birthday as she had no one to invite.

Then we start year 10. A few months prior to this she'd just been diagnosed with ADD, possible ASD, was trying to have therapy for pyschosis, this had to stop until we got meds for ADD. In the past year she has told us she had an eating disorder (no evidence in anyway) she likes to self harm (plasters on her arms when no marks there) she said she was depressed 2 days after my husband started taking anti depressants after she accused him to all her friends of him sexually abusing him (she had to speak to social services to confirm it was all a lie)

So all this has been happening and a teacher who had no knowledge of any of this sort overheard her saying she wants to change her name to be a boy, and asked her if she wants the school to change it for her. So now since last year the school have changed her name and started calling her by a new name and referring to her as he/him.

The name was changed without any consultation with ourselves. We have now just received the meds this week and we are currently in the process of getting an EHCP to get her a more suited education as due to her ADD, possible ASD, pyschosis and trauma is unable to manage school, the school have also agreee that she isn't able to access school as well as she should. We're trying to do all this when she's entering her final year of school.

Anyone gone through anything similar, what are your thoughts? I will have prob left loads out, if you have any questions please ask ?

[toastfairy]

<3 oh God it sounds like you're all going through hell. Clearly I agree she sounds very traumatised. I would imagine she craves both attention, anonymity, safety and control, all perfectly understandable and reasonable things for her to want.

There does seem to be a pattern of saying things which are, shall we say not necessarily actually true, but she does historically seem to recognise that they aren't true when challenged.

Jesus poor love. It sounds like you need some combination of meds, and trauma aware counselling and some overdue lucky breaks. I have nothing especially smart to add but didn't want to read and not say anything.

/hug

[CloseYourEyesAndSee]

Make a massive massive fuss and complaint at the school and have this stopped. Does she get on well at the school? I'd be wanting to pull her out tbh.

[Iambecomethequeen]

Honestly, whether your child is trans seems the least of your problems. Since they don't seem to have a problem with the school taking their decision seriously, I wouldn't worry about that. That said, there's a certain overlap between neurodivergent people and trans people (which ableist transphobes use to their advantage) and they seem to have kept the story up for quite a bit.

I personally am a bit scared of how much you seem to doubt their claims. Being depressed after all they've gone through seems rather normal. "But why didn't she say that sooner?" I hear you ask. Well, they're a child. They may not have known much about depression until their father started taking medication for it. Even an adult might have a stronger likelihood to recognize symptoms after someone they know mentions depression.
Self harm does NOT have to leave marks, depending on the method. I self harmed with bites a few times, and nobody saw the marks because they faded quickly.
Take care (and for the love of god, avoid Mumsnet for these kinds of discussions).

[RufustheFloralmissingreindeer]

Please dont let people put you off posting for support on here iteillgetbetter there are all sorts of people with different experiences here and if anyone says anything awful do report

it sounds a very difficult situation, i would echo the need for counseling/therapy even just to help her understand how to move forward

[Mumfun]

Shocking that the school changed her name etc. You should be aware that much higher rates of autistic kids are gender questioning because it is so easy for them to find life in a neurotypical world challenging and in the current climate often being trans may seem an attractive explanation for the difficulty in fitting in.Or it even gets suggested to them like in your case.

I am not sure what to suggest. But yes definitely get her the EHCP. I would want to leave that school if she cant cope and they transed her without consent. Ideally it would be best to get an ASD diagnosis if possible and gently talk to her re that and move her back towards identifying as a girl and explain that that is he reason that she has found it hard to identify with being a girl. Do beware that in the system there may be trans activists who may want to maintain the trans diagnosis. You do have a lot on. Hope you get some more help on here

[Leafstamp]

Sorry, in a rush, but I’d contact Bayswater support group. www.bayswatersupport.org.uk

also these articles might be helpful

www.tes.com/magazine/author/rebecca-bull

www.transgendertrend.com/teenager-says-theyre-transgender/