Gay 18 year old boy meeting men online- is this common?

[Sc0tchB0nn3t]

I feel it’s really dangerous and he has already had one horrible incident. It worries me so much and we keep falling out about it but I don’t know if it’s common behaviour. If not, not sure what I can do.

What was the horrible incident?

I guess all you can do is give advise to meet in a public place, don't go back to someone's place you only just met, find out a bit about them (sounds pretty outdated I suppose). Surely the bad experience will make him more cautious in any case?

I would be very concerned if I were you.

Yes, it's very, very common. Most young gay men date an older man when they first come out and/or enter the adult world. Sometimes it goes badly, sometimes it goes fine depending on the older man in question, but it almost never lasts and your ability to stop them is basically nil anyway.

The only thing you can really do is help ensure they have good boundaries and know what to do if they feel uncomfortable.

Thanks, I am very concerned.

Doesn’t seem to be meeting for relationships. 😩Bad experience doesn’t seem to have hit home. He was seriously assaulted. We’ve been advised it is seen as more acceptable in the gay community but it doesn’t stop me worrying. Just wondering if anybody else’s ds does it.

I can’t offer advise but am worried about precisely the same question. I don’t know if my son is meeting anyone online but worry he might be tempted and worry, as someone wrote above, there is nothing I can do other than try to be sure he knows how to protect himself. I know very little about the habits of gay men so would be interested to heard from other parents what they have observed from the own sons — where/how they have met other gay men, what have you done to encourage safe socialising/dating, etc.

It’s quite common among some members of the gay community. Things to address to keep him safe:

• Encourage him to tell someone he trusts where he is going, who he is meeting and when he has safely returned home

• Minimum three monthly STI checks

• Condoms ALWAYS, even for oral sex

• As a gay man having lots of risky, casual sex, he will be eligible for HPV, Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B vaccines through his local sexual health clinic, please encourage him to avail of these

• He will also be eligible for something called pre-exposure prophlaxis (PrEP) through his sexual health clinic, which is a medication that will greatly reduce his risk of contracting HIV from his sexual contacts. I would strongly suggest he takes this.

• If he has already been exposed to a HIV risk, he can have a medication called post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) which will decrease his chances of contracting HIV

• If he is using drugs whilst meeting for sex (also known as ‘chems’ among people who use them), he must always, always use his own equipment and not share anything

I’m a sexual health nurse, about 75% of my patients are gay men who indulge in this kind of behaviour so please feel free to PM me with any questions on the above or anything else I can help you with to keep him as safe as you can

Thank you, WhackingPhoenix. Although I am not the OP, I am grateful for your suggestions, daunting as they sound. My own so. Is probably unlikely to tell me what he is I te tested in doing and/or does, but I feel a need to somehow convey the risks and the steps he must take to protect himself.

@Inamuddle36

Thank you, WhackingPhoenix. Although I am not the OP, I am grateful for your suggestions, daunting as they sound. My own so. Is probably unlikely to tell me what he is I te tested in doing and/or does, but I feel a need to somehow convey the risks and the steps he must take to protect himself.

No problem 🙂 if it helps, just screenshot or print out that list! Hopefully he’s already aware of some or most of it but if not, it’s a handy little checklist of how to keep himself as safe as possible.

He was seriously assaulted. We’ve been advised it is seen as more acceptable in the gay community but it doesn’t stop me worrying

This is not acceptable in any community ever. I would be encouraging him to go to the police - though I would expect him to flatly refuse. More the pity.

Why do we accept these double standards for groups with protected characteristics? Your poor boy. You are right to worry.