My 18yo son has just came out as gay. I must admit that I didn't take it very well, not because of him being gay but because I am very scared for him. He has always been very sensitive and emotional and I am concerned about others attitudes towards him. So I may have not come over as very supportive at the time.
He phoned me one day at work, to say he was meeting his friend from college and that he was going to stay the night in a hotel with him as his friend had been through a tough time and he wanted to be there for him. I must admit I panicked and said no way and put the phone down on him.
He refused to come home that night and when I spoke to him I did say things I am not proud of. I thought long and hard about the situation that night and began to realise that my son must have very strong feelings for this person. I know my son would never have done something he knew would upset me, as he is such a loving and caring person, without good reason.
When he finally came home we did talk. It turns out that the boy he had spent the night with is his partner from college and had been in a relationship with for 6mths. His partner had been abused by his father, who he was living with at the time, and my son just wanted to be there for him. His partner had been moved into care 3hrs away and he had came back to see my son as he knew he would be upset about his leaving.
Seeing how upset my son was I realised that this was something I was just going to accept no matter how scared I was. I spoke to him about my fears and he assured me that they didn't make their relationship obvious when out and about.
I offered to pay for him to go and visit his partner, who has his own flat, in the easter break which is where he is at the moment.
His partner seems a very confident and switched on 18yo and I must admit very easy to talk to. I found the courage to speak to my son's partner directly and asked him about some concerns I was having, as I had no idea about gay relationships. He was lovely, very mature and answered my questions honestly. He assured me that although gay relationships tend to be a bit less faithful to each other he would never do that to my son. Also, their relationship hadn't been physical yet but they had experimented and that he would take full responsibility for safety when it did. This made me feel much better and I liked the fact he was looking out for my son. He even said that his Mum had offered me her phone number in case I wanted to talk.
This is my son's first relationship, his partners second. Before he went to visit my son was extremeley upset when he thought his partner had finished with him but it turns out his partner was just being realistic about the relationship. The fact they now live 3hrs away from each other, the cost of the travel, my son just about to leave college and either needs to find work so no holidays when he can visit.
At the beginning of the week there was talk of my son staying another week. I said that was ok with me as long it was ok with his partner who suffers with ocd, autism and mental health issues. I said perhaps I could travel up to meet his partner and come back with my son which they both agreed on. The plan then changed that he would only stay the week, so it was arranged I would drive up Sunday to pick him up which has now changed again that he will be coming home tomorrow by train, as his partner doesn't feel he can meet me at the moment.
I was a bit hurt as I thought we were getting on well and I don't know if I have said or done something wrong. Or has something happened between them. This message came from the partner and I haven't been able to get hold of my son to talk about it. Speaking to my son has gotten harder through the week as he never seems to answer his phone or texts and if I do get through his partner is always in the background.
I know my son and know he will be feeling emotional about leaving tomorrow as his partner has already told that my son his feeling sad about leaving. I was going to offer to help him travel to see him on a regular basis but I don't want to be pushy as his partner as admitted he does need his own space due to his mental health.
I know I can't protect my son from getting hurt but I can't see how this relationship is going to work. I can't get it out of my mind that my son will be enough for his partner until he meets someone closer to home so he can have a regular relationship with.
Do I raise this concern with my son before he gets anymore involved?
Sorry for the long post. I don't really have anybody I can speak to and feeling very confused.