Some guidance

[coffeeandcake91]

I’m not sure where to post this. I’m just seeking some advice or guidance on this.

My 6 year old son has made a few comments about wanting to be a girl. I understand children may express this and it being ‘just a phase.’ However when he was a bit younger he mentioned wanting his private parts cut off.

I said ‘well when you’re older if you feel the same way we can ask a doctor.’ I really didn’t know how else to respond.

But today he mentioned again, after mentioning it yesterday, that he wants to be a girl and he wants to go to the doctor. He then quickly brushed it off and stopped talking about it but also told me not to tell anyone. I didn’t want to push.

He has a younger sister so I don’t know whether that has any effect.

Any advice or guidance on this would be much appreciated.

Hi. I am sorry you are going through this challenging time. It sounds like you are responding in a supportive way.

Could it be that your son is jealous of his sister or is seeking to get attention that he thinks is diverted to her? Or perhaps he perceives that his sister’s clothes and bedroom decorations and toys are somehow prettier or have more thought put into them than his?

Perhaps this anecdote will help you: I have a friend who has three adult daughters. When the youngest was 7, my friend was registering her daughter for a course and ticked the box “girl”. The child said “no, mummy, say I’m a boy”. I don’t recall how my friend completed the form but she did seek advice from a GP and the school and was advised to “take it easy”, not engage in much discussion, let the child dress how she wanted, but without much comment or attention. (Of course, it is easier with a girl as many young girls dress in unisex clothes while not many boys dress in “girl” clothes.). My friend remained watchful but tried not to obsess about it. A few years later, when the child was nearing the end of primary school and was asked to give a speech at the leavers’ event, a teacher asked her to think about how she would like to dress (the school had no uniform so her usual attire was casual trousers). Out of the blue, the child asked her mother “would you mind buying me a dress?”. My friend almost scooped her up and into the car and off they went not only to buy a dress but to book an appointment with a hairdresser. That summer, the girl met her first “boyfriend”, and has never looked back to her short-lived expression of interest in “being a boy”.

My friend is grateful this experience happened 15 years ago, when there was less obsession about such things. She believes if it had happened today, her daughter might have been assigned specialist gender dysphoria counselling which she thinks could have been confusing and perhaps even harmful. She is glad she (and the school) took a benign approach, allowing her daughter to express herself and act as she felt comfortable, without giving undue attention nor assigning labels to her.

Best wishes as you try to figure out the best way to support your son.

Coffee — in case you haven’t seen it, you might find helpful suggestions in the “non-binary daughter” thread.
Hope you are as well as possible.

Sorry to hear this is causing you angst OP, it is sad to hear your son has expressed wanting to have parts of his body removed.

At this age I would personally tackle this issue like (m)any other manifestations of upset in children - ie focus on his general wellbeing in terms of diet, exercise, outdoor play, hobbies, minimal screen time, love and affection etc.

I would recommend reading the following before indulging in any going-along-with his desire to be a girl: www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/

Leafstamp, thank you for the link. The essay and comments are very interesting. I hope OP reads them.