Advice

[Newusernameforthis123]

Our 16 year old son has told us that he is gay.I am lying awake at night worrying about him. I know times are changing but I still think it's a tough life.
My son is an incredibly positive person and he thinks that his life and future career won't be affected.We are very proud of him .He is very ambitious and it seems like nothing will stand in his way.

We still live in a world where were my son can't travel freely. Our own prime minister has made homophobic remarks in the past. Half the cabinet hold Thatcher up as their reason for becoming interested in politics. She was responsible for section 28..

I hear low level homophobic remarks regularly, have things really changed?. If so how does a prime minister who has made such remarks have an 80 seat majority.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

[coffeeandcake91]

I'm trying to come to terms with things in my life - just to be prepared. And I think that number 1 realisation is that I can't protect my child forever. They're out in the world, whether it's in school, college/uni, work, travelling, growing up in general, and you can't be there all the time to hold their hand. But I suppose what you can do is prepare them for the real world. Like you said the world is changing - but sometimes feels like it's going backward in some places. Educate them, make sure they aren't afraid to stand up for themselves, most importantly making sure they're surrounded by people who will have their back, good positive people.

I think as a parent you're ALWAYS going to feel protective of your child, but it seems like you son is grounded, knows himself well, isn't worried at all and that's brilliant.

[Newusernameforthis123]

Thank you@coffeeandcake91 you're right of course. My son says he likes who he is , I'm not sure if I would have said that at his age or been so confident. As parents we just their lives to be as easy as possible.

Like most people ( if we're honest) we all have members of extended family who have made homophobic remarks in the past. This may be a good time for a clear out which was long over due.

[Whocanthatbeatthistimeofnight]

Hi @Neusernameforthis123
You are absolutely right to worry. I have posted an article in your thread in the Teenagers section ( I have just seen this one). Life is not easy for LGBT people in this country.Your son is lucky to have supportive parents.

[Newusernameforthis123]

Thank you @Whocanthatbeatthistimeofnight .

[daisie30]

When my own son told me he was gay at 15, my first thought was to feel overwhelmingly sad that I didn't want life for him to be any harder than it already can be & like you, I didn't want him to suffer any abuse from idiots ..but you know what, I really needn't have worried. He's now 22 & such a confident young man & whether or not he hears homophobic remarks, he really is just so comfortable in his own skin and far happier to live a life being true to himself.

I think most family know now and it really isn't an issue - nobodies business really & we wouldn't tolerate anyone in our lives if they did say anything horrible.

I think as long as your son has your support & good mates round him he'll cope & hopefully your worry will dissipate

[gingerhills]

I sympathise but look on the bright side - there has never in UK history been a time when being a gay man has been more accepted, more mainstream and socially normalised. I don't know anyone of our DC's generation who has any issue with it. There is an LGBTQ group in many secondary schools these days, in all unis and colleges. Men freely and naturally talk about their husbands and boyfriends.

There couldn't be a safer time for him to be gay. Focus on the texture of his every day life, not on a bunch of outdated politicians who are role models for no one.

I watched my DS walk hand in hand with his boyfriend around some very trad NT places this Christmas. They did get a few raised brows, mainly from middle aged white men. But nothing more. Not a scowl, not a sneer.

[Newusernameforthis123]

Thank you, @daisie30.
Did your son come out at school ?
I'm so glad that life is good for him, he sounds like a wonderful young man.

[Tuaca]

Where do you live? If you lived in Brighton or somewhere like that he would be fine, celebrated in fact. Maybe he can go there when he's old enough.

[Newusernameforthis123]

We live in London.My son is in 6th form.He will soon be applying for university he is looking at different locations in the UK and also the US.

[daisie30]

Yes he did come out at school .. in fact made a point of it. I think he had probably heard the laddish comments about being gay & just wanted to let people know where he stood & he definitely didn't fancy them, only fellow gay men! It was never an issue at school, and to be honest (so I keep being told by both my daughter & son;)), most young people just don't care these days ..it's just not a big deal.

Your son sounds great & it's so good he can be open & honest with you - you must be a lovely mum too!

[Harlequin1088]

First of all, it’s a credit to your parenting that a lad of only 16 can be so comfortable in his own skin that he can come out to his parents and be really happy with who he truly is. Some people spend decades grappling with their sexuality and struggling to come to terms with it to the point where they find themselves living a lie and trying to force themselves into society’s heteronormative box. Please be so, so proud that your son will never be suffering in that way. It sounds like you have a great relationship with your son, so keep those channels of communication open so that he knows he can always talk to you in confidence.

Just out of interest, if you had a heterosexual daughter, would you be lying awake at night fretting that she was going to spend the rest of her life being discriminated against because of her sex? That our Prime Minister and half the cabinet have proven themselves to be sexist pigs? That she’ll likely earn less over her lifetime because she’s female? That there’s still countries in the world where it’s not safe for her to travel? That she’s more likely to be a victim of violent crime than her male peers?

What I’m trying to say is that there will always be something to worry about where your children are concerned. The fact that you’re worried at all is what makes you a great parent. Rest assured though, this generation is the most accepting one yet and they will produce the next generation of even more accepting people, and so on and so forth.

Your lad is going to be just fine ☺️

[Newusernameforthis123]

Thank you @daisie30 that's so helpful to hear. You're very kind x
@Harlequin1088 thank you also. You're right we spend so long as parents making sure that our sons don't turn into these men. My son actually said the same thing about how life is for women in 2022. He is a great boy and we"re lucky to be his parents.x