Should I be communicating with 17 yo son's boyfriend's parents?

[Karenity]

When he had girlfriends previously us parents swapped numbers and texted each other but that was a couple of years ago pre lockdown. Since then he's got older and realised he's bi and is now seeing a boy. V early stages, like just a few weeks, but just not sure what the etiquette is at this age/stage in relationship. All his normal teenage trajectory and my normal learning curve are kind of out of whack thanks to lockdowns. If I leave him to it, is it neglectful? If I ask for eg the mum's number (just to say hi and eg send messages to say her son's on his way home) is it helicoptering for that age?

I never communicated with any of my DCs partners parents until it became evident they were possibly a life partner

Think back to your 17 year old self - did your mum want to communicate with your boyfriend's mum? I know mine didn't, and I'd have been embarrassed if she'd attempted it.

I don’t communicate with my 17 year old boyfriends parents.

I’d have been absolutely mortified if my parents got in touch with my boyfriends parents at 17 and there’s no way I’d have been giving them the number.

At 17 I really don't think you should get involved at all. Your son is at an age now when he really doesn't need his mum involved in his romances.

No you don’t need to communicate with the parents they are 17 . Not 12

I would only want to check with them if they were coming on main family holiday eg. aboad.

Ah right point taken. It's a bit weird all of this growing up in lockdown. Last time he had a relationship none of them had started studying for GCSEs!

It just seems a bit odd that they're in each others' houses and none of the other folk in respective houses are talking to each other but I guess that's how it is. Thanks everyone!

He's 17 not 11! Of course you shouldn't ask for the boyfriend's mum's number!

Lol ok ok! It's fine, I won't.

I am not sure if all the advice here is correct. It is one thing to “be involved in a 17-year-old’s romantic life” and another to simply know something about your child’s friends. I would want to know at least who the parents are and where they live and also to have a phone number in case of any sort of emergency. I wouldn’t be having “get to know you” chats but would simply want to know who to call if you are worried (ie your son hasn’t come home).

@Inamuddle36

I am not sure if all the advice here is correct. It is one thing to “be involved in a 17-year-old’s romantic life” and another to simply know something about your child’s friends. I would want to know at least who the parents are and where they live and also to have a phone number in case of any sort of emergency. I wouldn’t be having “get to know you” chats but would simply want to know who to call if you are worried (ie your son hasn’t come home).

I agree. I have contact details for my 17yo's GF parents. The only time I use it is if she is very late home or when my parents offer to take them to their holiday home for the weekend. GFs mum will pop in to say hi if she has come to pick her up.

They have been together for 2 years though so it's just sort of happened naturally.

So yea take contact details in case of emergency but leave them to it now :)