Have I said the wrong thing?

[Potatomashjacket]

My DD who is 14 was talking to me about the identities of lots of her friends at school. We have always been very open and honest about differences, preferences etc.
She was telling me that a number of her friends had changed from gay to bisexual or from trans to queer and I said that I thought that lots of young people are in such a hurry to label themselves. That everyone is an individual who is who they are, feels how they feel and loves who they love but that it seems lots of anxiety comes from the labels and trying to decide which one fits.
Did I say the wrong thing? I feel bit like my great grandma who says bigoted things but can’t see what she’s said wrong!

Not IMO. It’s fascinating how this generation crave really specific labels - they want to place themselves in tiny boxes

There were 14 year olds who were openly (if just to close friends) gay or bi twenty years ago, I don't think it's anything new.

But 20 years ago that was the sum total of labels to choose from.
These days there are so many and deciding which one fits you seems to cause so much stress. I just don’t understand the hurry to choose one.

Being a teenager is about finding your identity

Why wouldn’t the experiment with new names and labels, try on any that they like and grow into whoever they want to be

Society didn’t stop evolving because you lost interest

@SomePosters

Being a teenager is about finding your identity

Why wouldn’t the experiment with new names and labels, try on any that they like and grow into whoever they want to be

Society didn’t stop evolving because you lost interest

Op hasn't, lost interest. She has expressed a worldview that is open.

Im young (21) and personally I think what you said was perfect. You didn't dismiss what she was saying (i.e. saying something like "all of these labels are stupid and made up). But you did bring up a good point that labels do cause a lot of anxiety for a lot of people. It's great that we have labels to describe how we feel, but labels can also feel constricting if you don't really know the right one or if there really isn't one for you.
Labels are helpful but not everyone needs or even wants one and that's okay.

@Potatomashjacket No, I don't think you said the wrong thing. This pressure to define yourself quite narrowly and at a very early age, is all over SM and in schools, and it's unnecessary, restricting, and potentially harmful to mental health. Child and adolescent development is vast and formative, and should be afforded a neutral environment where young people can explore their own wonderful complexity.

personal experiences alert! this may not apply to everyone
Well I found that finding a specific label helped me worry less. Like there was one more thing I knew for sure... if that makes sense lol...

I think it's strange that you would say a lot of anxiety comes from labels - for the majority of people I've spoken to labels bring them a lot of comfort in themselves and I wonder where you got the idea that understanding yourself more is stressful and uncomfortable?

Children's identities are not formed or fixed in their teenage years. Look at all the embarrassing phases we go through. Goth, metal head, political, etc.

I remember one girl who told everyone she was gay, fancied all these women and then never ever had a girlfriend. She's married with 2 kids now.

A lot of this labelling is teenagers grasping for their space in the world. It's normal.

What's not normal is using those labels to fix people into boxes, or stating that one is better than the other.

In my child's school one girl got into a massive online argument because she labelled herself as a lesbian, and another child said she was 'queer'. She didn't want to be called that, and was accused of being 'queerphobic'
And she was the one who was actually gay!

I said something very similar to my DD and she was annoyed. I do have trouble understanding labels like demigirl. I probably shouldn't have said it. I think she felt like people our age might have felt in the 90s if someone came out as gay and their parent said 'well there's no need to label it'.

At least with gay there is a clear meaning and objective measure able characteristics associated with an unambiguous definition of gay

@anothersmahedmug

At least with gay there is a clear meaning and objective measure able characteristics associated with an unambiguous definition of gay

May I ask what you mean by associated characteristics?

How bodies respond eg eye pupil dilation with people you find attractive - gay people will respond to the same sex in the way that heterosexual respond to the opposite

In hindsight characteristic is a very poor choice of word there. It's not character that I am talking about - physical responses might be better . Sorry for any ambiguity