Advice needed re online content

[Rosebud2005]

I think my nearly 16 year old son is looking up some kind of sites, maybe pornography. We took his phone from him after an incident this week but when I looked there were these messages from what looked like sites with grown men. I was so shocked I haven’t even mentioned it yet, I don’t really know what I’m supposed to say to this. I won’t want him being dragged into illegal activity and if I thought he was in any way being groomed or men contacting him for anything like this I feel I should he reporting them. But how do I do this if they’re in sites? I haven’t got his pin. I always had and always checked up his phone but in the last year or so he has changed everything. Do I insist on getting them? Keep the phone? Report the sites?
I can’t leave it can I? I’m so scared of what I’m going to find in there!

I should say teens will go and find things and experiment I know but I’m just concerned this is something more than that

You're not wrong to be concerned of course but he's past the age of consent now OP....I assume you're talking about hookup sites like Grindr?

What's illegal about what he's doing? Who will you report the men to? At 16 your son is allowed to have sex you know....of course you're right to worry if he's having casual sex with older men though.

You need to speak to your son...discuss his safety with him,

Again...you ask about reporting the sites but unless they're planning illegal activities, you won't get anything done about them. Can you name the sites?

Oh just noticed he's nearly 16. You definitely need to speak to him about this. When does he turn 16?

@FortunesFave

You're not wrong to be concerned of course but he's past the age of consent now OP....I assume you're talking about hookup sites like Grindr?

What's illegal about what he's doing? Who will you report the men to? At 16 your son is allowed to have sex you know....of course you're right to worry if he's having casual sex with older men though.

You need to speak to your son...discuss his safety with him,

Again...you ask about reporting the sites but unless they're planning illegal activities, you won't get anything done about them. Can you name the sites?

She said he's nearly 16 so no, he's not past the age of consent.

Yes I posted after my initial post.

X posted.

I would talk to him sooner rather than later. Is he replying to the messages? Arranging to meet?

What was the incident when you took his phone?

Not for a few months yet. I couldn’t access them because I don’t have his pin anymore so can’t see what exactly has been going on yet. I will get it though. Just an attitude problem which developed into his dad grabbing his phone after he refused to hand it over and he kicked off at him about it. He hasn’t done anything like this since he was 8

What sites were they OP?

Sorry I can’t actually remember the name of them but they popped up on his screen, looks like he has a username: these ‘men’ were naked. One came through saying thanks … what the hell was that? We’re going to get this sorted today

Thanks for sharing this. Would you be happy to share how you handled this?

Your son is nearly 16, old enough to know exactly what he's doing and the things than could happen if he makes bad decisions. How close is nearly 16? A few weeks? If so, I'd leave it (meaning don't blow up on him about bad desicions and etc) He's very close to the age of consent and if you make a big deal about it now, you'll push him away and might push him to do something he'll regret but can't do much to change as he's the age of consent. Of course that doesn't mean you shouldn't say anything. Not too long ago in the UK I believe a guy on grinder was luring men and boys through Grindr and, well you can look it up. So don't shame him and push him away. Bring up that example. Bring up that news article. It's a quite recent one so it'll hit him differently then something that happened years ago or a hypothetical situation. Be insistent that you care about his safety, not that he's having relations with men. And if he is interested in having causal sex with men (when he is of age of course) He needs to be safe about it, std's are no joke, abd most are preventable. I personally am a 21 year old gay man and I get tested every three months and take prep (prevents HIV) and I don't even sleep around. But if I ever did, I'd be covered and safe.
Porn is a safe way to explore sex, so please don't attempt to keep him from it. And don't shame him about the amount of time he spends on it either (if he's skipping school go watch porn, then perhaps he needs to talk to a doctor to find out why he feels he needs to do that). Of course I don't know you or him, but I know I'd rather my son discover what he likes through porn and not by having sex with people who don't get themselves tested or use protection

Hi we have had the conversations at times around consent and legal ages. I only hope he had taken in board what I’ve said about these things. He’s always been quite a sensible boy however the last year or two he seems to be drifting into his own world, barely sharing anything with me. I wouldn’t want to shame him and I don’t have a problem with bringing up these issues as Luke you mentioned his safety is the most important thing. I do care about him and would hate to think there was some kind of grooming thing going on. If I’m honest I don’t know how much he would realise if that was the case. I get they’ll look at stuff but it’s the fact these guys were actually in contact on this site. He’ll be 16 next month so yeah he’s nearly of legal age but ready for anything like that I’m not so sure. If he’s finding things out in a safe way then I’m fine with it, but some kids are so vulnerable they don’t realise what’s happening at times