Rapid-Ofset Gender Dysphoria

[Timetoprotectourteenagegirls]

This weekend I have discovered a condition that I have never heard of before – Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – My world has turned upside-down and I have never been so frightened in all my life.

I have a daughter age 14 and she has suddenly announced that she Trans. It has come from nowhere. She said that she didn't want to be a girl anymore and relates more to being a boy – she said that she wanted to be known at school by a male name and wanted to cut her hair – I have been very gentle with her – saying that I just want her to be happy – that I understand that puberty is a very difficult time – where is it normal to feel confused and scared. I have allowed her to change her name at school – we have cut her hair – she has been wearing trousers to school – so I am supporting her through it the as best I can.

This weekend I have been reading lots of information about young children who think they are Trans and came across this condition, Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – and from what I have read, this is what my daughter is experiencing.

My daughter had a difficult couple of years with friendship groups and girls (as many do) – days….) Now with this new friendship group, obviously, she has developed strong bonds – I can see the appeal of feeling part of a group, fitting in, having a common identity, status and kudos with peers…. (for me at 14 it was about being a goth and our little group of friends loved listening to The Cure – simple days).

So, I have been reflecting on how and where this all began. At Christmas time, one of her male friends announced that he wanted to be female – the group of friends supported him and it was all they talked about – then, within a few weeks, all of those children in that group had given themselves an LGBT related badge – gender-fluid – non-binary etc– and everything is all about the Pronouns.

Now the group are defined by this – it's all they talk about every day. They are all aged between 13 and 14 years old. I do believe that social media has been instrumental in all of this and having access to a smartphone where discussions continue out of school, is making this more and more real for her where I feel she is pressured into this even more, with friends texting and saying, on a scale of 0-10 how do you feel? How loaded is that?

I have been scan reading ‘Inventing Transgender children and Young People” by Michele Moore and Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier – which have been so very informative and I recommend them for any parent going through this. This bewildering craze raises so many concerns for me as a parent. I just want to say that I have nothing but respect for Transgender adults – its a completed different thing entirely – here we are dealing with vulnerable, young children who are going through puberty – and who are struggling with it – I feel that we are in danger of enabling them to go down a potentially dangerous path and I am fully aware that expressing concerns about your teenage daughter suddenly identifying as a trans is socially verboten – but my daughter’s heath and her future of of utmost importance to me – she is so easily influenced and I want to support her the best I can, in navigating this minefield.

In one of those books I came across only two happy endings - both examples talked about how the parents gave their children a break from both those particular friends and from social media. So, I have decided that our family are going to have a series of lifestyle changes – one of which is, that we are all going to swap our smartphones for a basic ring and text text – Chris Evans did it and has never looked back. So, on the first day of the summer holidays, the smartphones go – then we go away on holiday and my daughter will have a 6-week break from the constant influence of social media and those particular mates. I have planned for her to join a couple of clubs and help her to naturally make new friends, friends that don't obsess about this – I am also looking into arranging for her to go to a different school, ready for September, if things are no better by the end of the 6 weeks. It's going be hard, I have no doubt– but I have to give my daughter breathing space from all of this...

When she an adult and if this is the life she wants to lead, then we will be fully supportive and at the end of the day , we just want her to be happy. In the meantime, she is only a child – she is vulnerable – and I believe that this genderist ideology craze is bypassing child safeguarding with potentially devastating results leading to set troubled youngsters on the path of potentially mutilating their bodies and a lifetime dependence on medication.

I would like to hear from any parents that are experience similar and how they are coping.

Is there anyone whose daughter was experiencing this and have successfully got her out of it? How did you manage it?

Genspect: genspect.org/ was set up to support parents like you by psychologists

Bayswater: bayswatersupport.org.uk/ was set up by parents whose children seem to be suffering from RGOD.

I don't have a child going through this but I do know you're not alone. There have been a number of threads here you can search for. I think your approach sounds brave and really sensible.

I'm a member of the Bayswater group and encourage you to give it a go - you'll find many parents there who'll understand your situation and dilemmas about how to raise your child.

I was going to start a similar thread myself. My DD, aged 12 just announced that she was "agender" last night and she wants to be referred to as they/them. She does not identify as a boy.

This is an entirely social/culturural phenomenon. She is not gay or lesbian. She showed zero tendency for gender dissimilar behaviour before. She was quite girly in fact. What has happened is that she started a new school in September and of course the whole thing has been a bit unstable. She struggled with friends and she is probably on the autistic spectrum (we're trying to get a referral). She has essentially found a club to join. They started learning about gender at school and she researched it more. It seems as though the concept arrived first and then she decided to adopt it. She was not feeling at all odd about being a girl before.

I am very worried - like you about where this all ends up. These kids are being brainwashed and schools are complicit. I found out my daughter has been talking to the deputy head about "coming out" to us. Schools are well meaning but its got to the point that they causing the problem. Like you I have no issue with genuine transgender people or gay/lesbian, but this is not what this is. It's a cult. Her friends are all routing for her, and finally maybe she has some sense of belonging. She's always been quirky and I think in her head she think what makes her different must be down to gender.

I totally feel for you OP. I have no idea how this will end up but am very concerned about the fervour behind this. It reminds me of jihadist mentality. I just hope my DD doesn't end up being a sacrificed.

I am livid with the school for promoting this stuff. They can't fail to noticed that since all this gender stuff started being taken seriously the cases have exploded. The very fact that this was a previously non existent problem and now there are large groups in schools who are all identifying as non binary means its being culturally driven.

It's the 'in' thing now. Half the girls in DDs primary class are non-binary. It sounds like you are doing all of the right things - allowing easily reversible things like haircuts etc. Keep lines of communication open, keep a close eye on internet use. Encourage her to do activities away from this group - particularly activities that use her body eg martial arts.

Or maybe, just maybe, they're actually agender and you should trust them, gay and trans people tend to clump together, they are friends because they are trans, not the other way around, even if your child is not actually agender, the least you can do as a parent is support them.

Where did “agender” come into it? Op says her child says they are trans.

@JolyneLovesYou

Or maybe, just maybe, they're actually agender and you should trust them, gay and trans people tend to clump together, they are friends because they are trans, not the other way around, even if your child is not actually agender, the least you can do as a parent is support them.

You really think 50% of some secondary schools' kids fall under the trans umbrella? Someone should be testing the local water then PDQ....

Alternatively, they're doing what adolescents the world over do - seeking a tribe of peers to fit into as part of normal brain development.

I wonder which one of us is right?

2% of students identify as transgender, detransition rates are about 5% even if the children are wrong about their own identity, being unsupportive of them is almost always harmful, except in the case of incorrect medical transition. so to answer your question, i think i'm right

I strongly disagree with the PP. ROGD is certainly a 'thing'. I experienced this last year with my soon to be 13 year old daughter. It was so clear that she was being influenced by those around her. This isn't a new phenomenon, as OP mentioned there have always been trends that children jump onto but normally these trends are harmless. ROGD can lead to harm and should in no way just be encouraged without thorough investigation into whether your child is experiencing genuine gender dysphoria.
I know I didn't get everything right in dealing with this but I'm very happy to say that she is now feeling much more comfortable and confident in who she is and no longer talks of any gender confusion.
I did let her know when this started that I wouldn't immediately be using her new name until she was completely sure this was what she wanted. I explained my reasons behind this which were accepted. I know she resented me not using this at times but I kept reassuring her that if it was causing her distress we could reassess.
It was very apparent that she was uncomfortable with how her body was developing and the discomfort of periods. It's understandable why developing children want to find a way of trying to escape these changes.

As my daughter turns 13 I am overjoyed to see how happy and confident she is - back to the girl I knew a year ago. It was a horrible time. She was self-harming and so different to the child I had known. I truly believe I have done the right thing in terms of not supporting her transition. I hate to think of where that path might have led. Our relationship at the moment is the best it's ever been (not at all damaged as per the warning from a PP).
I'm under no illusions that the ROGD has gone away forever - I'm sure there are more bumps in the road ahead.
Please know that I am completely sympathetic to those who experience the gender dysphoria that has been around forever - that is a completely different issue. The jump in numbers in recent years is surely proof that ROGD is a 'thing' and more than likely a social contagion.

That's a pretty gut wrenching story, but like i said, your child was probably dealing with issues of dysmorphia rather than dysphoria, and is in that 5% who is wrong about them self

ROGD is very much a real thing and I know someone who is going through it, a very similar experience to that recounted by Verysurprised. Nobody who has the best interests of young people at heart would just dismiss the experiences of those who have been through it.

@Timetoprotectourteenagegirls you Sounds like a wise and loving mother. I wish you strength and success.

This is such a difficult issue and must be worrying. I work in CAMHS and you are right, there is a massive increase in young people presenting with gender dysphoria. In my experience, and of course I am seeing a very specific group within the wider population, a significant number later go on to be diagnosed with ASD and the gender aspect is more to do with trying to fit into a specific identity role- gender dysphoria almost ironically has a pretty clear cut set of behavioural expectations that can be adopted. I'm not suggesting that this is the case with your daughter, but it might give insight into the difficulties that might be the common ground in her group.
The families who seem to cope best are open to or encourage the reversible experimentation with clothes, names and hair and often this is enough. Where it becomes difficult is where parents become really invested in fighting for their child's trans rights. This and being implacably opposed to experimentation leaves the young person no space to try things out and change their mind at a later stage. The issue becomes all consuming and everyone becomes entrenched.
I wonder if a way of being alongside her without focussing on the specifics of gender might be to try exploring her values- that way you are helping her to develop her own identity while avoiding focussing on gender. There are lots of good ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) books for teenagers on amazon that will help to shift the focus while allowing her to do the thinking around who she wants to be.

So how do you account for the close to 50% identifying in alternative ways in some secondary school classes?

Not my dd but a close friend. At 15 announced she was trans, cut hair, wore tight tops (not proper binder has harder to obtain 8 years ago) under men's shirts, men's jeans, mans name, had a "gay" boyfriend... lasted 3 years but once went to university actually came out as a lesbian and let hair grow etc. Never took hormones.

We just all went along with the name, clothes etc but didn't affirm particularly either way eg "whatever you want" approach. She was too scared to tell her mum, the only way she could have got private treatment and thankfully gender services are very slow on nhs so she had changed her mind before reaching top of queue. What she has accepted is there are many types of women and not all are feminine, wearing dresses etc. but you still have xx chromosomes. She's basically non binary in appearance but no drama about it

I would just like to reiterate my choice to not use my child's chosen name was not an easy one to make. I'm fully aware of the term 'deadnaming' and I always kept the conversation about this an open one. I emphasised on many occasions that if it was becoming too distressing I would support the new name.
I just wished to share my experience of my daughter as at the moment she is secure with who she is. My approach seems to have worked at present so I felt it was important to share

My daughter identified as a boy for 4 years aged 12-16. We decided to watch and wait, didn't affirm but were supportive. I told her she could never change sex no matter how much she modified her body. She wore a binder and was determined that she was going to take hormones and have a mastectomy.

She was diagnosed as autistic age 16 and decided around the same time that she wanted to present as a girl again. Just like that! Interesting she says she is still dysphoric but understands its part of her autism. She feels neither male or female. When i said oh you're non binary then she just rolled her eyes

Unfortunately I'm now going through it with my youngest but with the added complication of the school trying to affirm her. Its a nightmare but that's a whole other boring story!

Similar story to so many others on here. My DD(16) uses he/him pronouns, is on the waiting list for GIDS. This is as a result of previous trauma (no longer want to be a girl) and not being neurotypical therefore struggling to fit in. She even acknowledges this is how it started, but following further 'research' (on social media) she 'discovered her true self'.
It's been like a bomb dropped on the family and I am fuming at school, CAMHS, and everyone else who is complicit in convincing her she's right, without question.
I say all this not because I am transphobic, but because I know my daughter.
The lack of data on outcomes, lack of evidence to support alternative treatment paths is horrific.
I knew nothing of this until it affected our family. My only hope is that the more this spreads, the more people will be shocked when they realise.

Been through this with dd now 18. She has ASD and doesn't fit with her stereotypical idea of what a woman is and went looking online and found "her crowd". Most of whom have ASD diagnosis.
I played the long game, bought her the clothes she wanted, called her the name she wanted (a diminutive of he actual name) listened and gently challenged.
Fought to get her out of mainstream and into an independent ASD specialist school and for her that was the key. She found a real life crowd, all ASD, quirky and geeky and all the sex they were born, both male and female.
She no longer wore the boys clothes, became happier in her own skin and apologised for having been an arse the past four years.
For dd I think it was more a case of not fitting in at mainstream school and not having the typical teenage interest of hair, nails, make up and boys made her go looking for somewhere she would fit.

I wish schools would focus on helping our children to manage and acknowledge puberty, feelings and inevitable physical changes.
I am not sure why it's more important to normalise denial of puberty, and offer alternative options to biology.

I'm not denying that some people actually need to transition, but unless it has viral replication, it's 90% fucked up.

Dysmorphia is common during puberty, because of changes in brain chemistry and physical appearance.
It's a right load of shit, even with the most appropriate support. We all know that!

Every generation has a new and exciting option for self harm.
Encouraging kids to think that it's better to pretend to be 'not a female/male child navigating an inevitable biological process' is really not thinking things through.

I'm attempting to address the result of my DD engaging with a different method. Her friends are focussed on disordered eating.
She easily engaged with the problems surrounding gender escapism, and chose a different course of rebellion.
I was all kinds of relieved, until she was routinely spitting most of her food into the bin.

I think we had better chances when we just had our parents fucking us up unintentionally.
Now we have society normalising the fucking up of all children, backed by funded organisations.

The NHS is woefully under sourced in dealing with the fall out.
Im so sorry for any other parent trying to protect their children's future adulthood right now.

If gender really is different from sex you shouldn't need to take hormones in order to change gender - It's paradoxical. Schools are complicit in a nefarious operation. My dd learned all this at school. Of course she questions her gender. She's been told to. Who on earth let this stuff into the curriculum? Why is it happening. Why isn't anyone holding the department for education to account?

@JolyneLovesYou that figure of 5% is really interesting - may I ask where you've sourced it from?