Nonbinary?

[elizabethh87]

DS came out to me earlier, says he uses they/them and a different name? He said he was 'non binary' and I can't really wrap my head around the idea. He came out to me as gay a year and a half ago, and I was completely supportive. Is it wrong that I don't really understand what he's going on about, and I don't understand how it's supposed to work?

Doesn't make a lot of sense. If you're gay then you are non-binary pretty much by definition - you're certainly not conforming to traditional "gender roles". In fact once you start unpacking and analysing it, and trying to pin it down with clear definitions, the whole thing is about as robust and durable as unicorn's farts. I'd accept his current position without too much fuss and wait for him to move on from it. (Unless he wants medication, in which case you do have a problem.)

Absoulute clap trap.

If you are going to give advice to someone who is struggling to understand something then please at least make sure you understand it yourself!

Being gay is in no way the same as being non binary !!
Being gay has nothing to do with gender stereotypes!

@elizabethh87

DS came out to me earlier, says he uses they/them and a different name? He said he was 'non binary' and I can't really wrap my head around the idea. He came out to me as gay a year and a half ago, and I was completely supportive. Is it wrong that I don't really understand what he's going on about, and I don't understand how it's supposed to work?

OP I would suggest that you do a little research on what non binary means.
No it's not wrong that you don't understand it, it can definitely be confusing but lots of info out there

You say ok that’s lovely and don’t make a big deal out if it.

Everyone is ‘non binary’ once you drill down into it, nobody 100% subscribes to a stereotype of either male/female and to suggest they do is sexist.

Why don't you ask your son what it means to him?
I think there are various definitions floating around in t'internet but it could mean slightly different things to different people.
I know a few NB teens of varying degrees of NB-ness. The only slight clue with one is short hair and an androgynous nickname, the others it's perhaps more of a projection of how they feel about themselves at this time. They haven't changed their appearance in any way. These are all girls. A few of them are sometimes using 'they' pronouns.
To be honest I am not sure if NB is the same for boys.

I agree that all you can do is support their request, make sure they know you love them whatever they identify as, and see if they stick with it. Teenagers are exploring their identity and there are no boundaries now, so it must be so hard to work out what you are if you feel you don't fit. I don't mind what people identify as, my frustration is that our language does not work well for non binary personal pronouns, although a French friend with a non-binary DC says French is worse!

@Imasoulman

Absoulute clap trap.

If you are going to give advice to someone who is struggling to understand something then please at least make sure you understand it yourself!

Being gay is in no way the same as being non binary !!
Being gay has nothing to do with gender stereotypes!

Hi there @Imasoulman

Absoulute clap trap ...

Being gay has nothing to do with gender stereotypes!

What utter nonsense.

I don't know what you mean by gender stereotypes, but the most important one is that you are attracted to the opposite "gender". If, to keep gay people within the "binary", you are prepared (quite rightly in my view) to depart from that traditional Judeo-Christian stereotype to accommodate more progressive notions of sexual orientation, then what do you mean by a stereotype? Why not adapt it (as in my view you should) also to accommodate more unusual forms of clothing? Or personal grooming? Or any of the other things that prompt people to reclassify themselves as non-binary? In which case the stereotype expands to accept new ways of being a man or a woman, and the non-binary category vanishes.

As I said in my original post, when you start trying to pin down and define what is meant by the words used (like "gender stereotypes") the whole flimsy concept evaporates like dawn mist.

@MurielSprigs

You said that gay people are non binary.
I stand by my clap trap comment.

You are saying thst gay people feel they are male and female at the same time or that they float between genders or do not feel they have a gender !!

Ridiculous!