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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Bi DD not so sure how she identifies now…

5 replies

Justilou1 · 10/06/2021 10:40

My DD1 told me she identified as Bi when she was 14. I was happy that she felt safe enough to trust me with that, and of course, just want her to be safe and happy in life. She has never felt comfortable “coming out” so this has strictly been my secret within our family. (I have found this difficult, as I don’t like keeping secrets from her father and I think she has built a wall up between herself and him unnecessarily. He is always her biggest champion, and I wouldn’t be with a homophobe.) She goes to an all-girl school and her group of friends consists of high-achieving girls pretty much cover all bases on the sexuality and gender identity spectrum. My DD1 who is nearly 17 now, has recently also been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum as well. (She is not the only one in the group with this diagnosis, either…) She has told me that she is less convinced that she is Bi and doesn’t actually know how she identifies at all - which is fine… plenty of time to work it out, if you ask me…. But she is now feeling like the group she is in will reject her if she doesn’t maintain the status quo. The reason she had the diagnosis in the first place was because she is socially “clunky” for want of a better description, and quite vulnerable in this respect. She does not like being touched at all - to the point where I was concerned that she had been abused - and she knows that she will need to address this to move forward and have healthy romantic relationships. (Super analytical kid…) She is so stressed out about possibly being dumped by these girls if she admits that she doesn’t know where she stands with her own sexuality that she is losing sleep and not wanting to go to school. (That’s huge for her!) She is seeing a counsellor, but any other advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

OP posts:
Whitehome · 10/06/2021 20:21

Hi I didn’t want to just read and comment, I haven’t much to say expect I am
Going through the same sort of thing in a way. I hope someone comes along
Soon and gives you some advice, you sound like a great mum Flowers

Whitehome · 10/06/2021 20:22

*not comment

Justilou1 · 10/06/2021 20:30

Thanks @Whitehome… it’s hard to know how to advise her atm, isn’t it? (She is actively seeking advice, or I’d just be listening as usual 😄)

OP posts:
Whitehome · 11/06/2021 08:53

Hi

Teenager years are so hard, I’m finding everything I say is wrong at the minute so I’m just keeping quiet until she asks for advice (then I will be there for her). I remember the teenage years myself, I thought everyone was against me🤣 hope your DD is ok?

Justilou1 · 11/06/2021 09:24

I’m just happy she’s talking to me, I guess! I keep hearing from other people with teenagers how bloody vile they are, and I quite like mine, so that’s something…. I was miserable as a teenager too. I have never pulled out the old, “It’s the best years of your life” chestnut, because that’s just crap and they’re smart enough to know it. I think that my DD1 puts herself under so much pressure academically, then there’s the whole new diagnosis thing, as well as not knowing where she fits in with her friends because she’s unsure of her sexual identity… I honestly think she feels like she’s being disloyal to them! She’s so afraid to talk to them about it, even more than she was about talking to her Dad! (Which has never happened…)

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