Whole friendship group coming out

[Mumandagain33]

Just wondered if others have experienced this and any tips on how to handle it. My daughter who is 12 came out as bi recently. It wasn’t unexpected as she’d been giving lots of hints and I was/am very supportive about it. However I’ve since discovered that she’s on a WhatsApp group about all things LGBTQ related with almost all of her close friends and all of them have come out at the same time. Lots of the messages are about encouraging each other to speak up about it. Now I would much rather this than her feeling all alone and as if no one understands as she might have in years gone by - but all of them, 9 on the group at the same time. Others have told me this isn’t unusual and because kids are able to be so much more open these days that this happens a lot and they are just more likely to talk about it - but I have some slight worries - coming out before they are ready/sure because all their friends are - or a positive thing because they feel able to explore these feelings openly. What do others think?

Social contagion.

Does it really matter? Almost certainly further down the line it will turn out they aren't all really bi but what harm is it going to do?

Similar here: my son and group of friends have all identified as pansexual. They are all only 12. I think it’s great they are open minded and tolerant. I am not sure they need to nail the colours to one particular mast just yet but much healthier than the homophobia I grew up with

I think that for adolescents, saying you are straight is social suicide. It's almost like straight=homophobe. Next is "I'm gender fluid/bi gender/gender whatevs."

I’m just a bit unsure as to whether to ignore all the activity on the WhatsApp Group - I feel like it’s making it into a much bigger issue than it is for some of them - like they are feeling the need to put labels on themselves that I haven’t even heard of before like Pan or bi-romantic - have obviously looked them up and now know what they are - and maybe it’s helpful for them to be able to discuss it amongst so many friends - maybe it doesn’t matter, not sure if there’s anything I can do about it anyway?

So so common at the moment. I wouldnt worry about it, what harm can it do

Hi, I haven’t had this happen to me, but my kids and their friends all have got detailed ways to describe gender identity and sexuality, and seem to spend a lot of time online watching videos about lGBTQ issues. I have taken approach of having a general limit on screen time/ social media, as i think they can get quite consumed with it all.

This is a good thing I think. Assuming that heterosexual is the default is problematic - maybe by talking about it together it will help them feel ‘normal’. When I was 12 I felt completely alone for being sexually attracted to both male and female, and very very abnormal. It was a long time before I realised that was incorrect

Only natural, and far better than the homophobic atmosphere which was accepted and used to abuse when I was at school.

honestly if I had teen dcs now and they identified as bisexual/biromantic or pansexual I would just breathe a huge sigh of relief
I'd be v affirming and make sure to expose them to lots of gender non conforming role models.

What harm can it do.
I’m not big on the promotion of spending a lot of time talking about oneself online. I wonder how much time teens naturally spend discussing their sexuality/ gender identity if they are only seeing each other face to face versus online. My hazard is that they discuss it, probably in detail at some stage, but not daily in such an involved way.
I ask if there is a relationship between easy access to porn online and much more thorough discussing of (frankly hypothetical til a certain age) sexuality. Is sexuality now learned about, not by experiencing real life crushes/ kisses, but all virtually? I wish I thought that virtual encounters would keep our kids safe.

My DD friendship group is like this.

I look at their watsapps periodically (they know and is a condition of using).

There is often a lot of stuff about coming out. I don't think any of them ID as straight or 'cis'. A couple have changed names at school.

In general I don't think there's any harm. They are growing up and trying to get to grips with their place in the world and society and their social groups etc.

I would worry about medical intervention.

The other thing that was bad was one of her friends forwarded her a thing saying on a certain date transphobes had organised to go out and kill 'trans kids'. The other child was messaging DD saying how scared they were etc.

That sort of stuff is obviously concerning.

And I mean anyway. They look like bogstandard 12yo school girls.

How this kid thought the organised murder gangs were going to tell which children were trans in anyone's guess.

The narrative around 'coming out' also seems to be seen as something that could make your parents turn on you etc.

There's a definite feeling that fear/ making them feel alienated is a thing but where posts like that originate I have no idea.