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This board exists primarily for parents of LGBT children to swap support and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be supportive.

Transgender councillor
21

abc989 · 07/02/2021 18:35

Hi, does anyone know a good councillor that can persuade children not to go through the medical intervention. My 17 year old child wants to be a boy by going through the hormone injection and double mastectomy. I don’t want her to do something that is irreversible. I have told her that she should focus on her mind instead of physical change as it won’t make her truly happy. Has anyone in the same situation used a councillor that can guide teenagers in the way that they don’t take the medical procedures. Thanks.

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MrsWooster · 07/02/2021 18:48

You’re looking for someone who DOESN’T use the unhesitatingly affirmation approach.
Be very careful, otoh, of anyone who is prepared to talk to your daughter and try to dissuade her from transition... a. it’s unethical and conversion therapy and b. it won’t work and will force her into an entrenched position.
A therapist should be open to exploring the roots of your daughter’s distress around her sexed body, and where her dysphoric feelings might have their roots.
@bobwithers52 (on twitter) and transgender trend might be a source of further info. Good luck-many therapists have been frightened by a misunderstanding of the Memorandum of Understanding, signed by many of the psychological organisations, which is designed to ensure that conversion therapy is outlawed.

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Onamissionn · 07/02/2021 18:53

No (decent,qualified) councillor will persuade your daughter either way. Please don’t send her to someone who has been recommended as doing this, they could do more damage if they’re willing to break the most basic principles in that way. They will be able to talk through her problems though and that should help.

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GrimSisters · 07/02/2021 18:58

You could try www.stellaomalley.com/psychotherapy-1
I'm not sure of the difference between a counsellor and a psychotherapist to be honest.

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oxalisRed · 08/02/2021 11:52

iatdd.com/

These people were linked to on another thread, they might be what you're looking for OP.

We are in a similar position, our daughter is 18 and also ASD. I think it's the autism that has made her feel alienated rather gender dysphoria, I'm lost as to how I can help her.

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Anonnnn · 19/02/2021 21:02

My advice to you would be to accept your child’s decision and stop pushing your own agenda

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Wrongsideofhistorymyarse · 19/02/2021 21:04

Scott Newgent is a transman who is against youngsters transitioning. He's had horrendous problems from his surgeries. He's on Facebook.

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parietal · 19/02/2021 21:10

There is a group called Bayswater that might be able to advise

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mobo362 · 20/05/2021 09:36

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CrazyNeighbour · 20/05/2021 09:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Maskedoutoffear · 28/06/2021 16:53

I hear you! I am a (we are) terrified parent(s) to our trans son who came out only 8 months ago, mid lockdown. He’s 19 so is a consenting adult and has been fast tracked to a quick medical transition with no psychotherapy support, less than 2 hours of on-line consultation (1 of which was a £500, 50 minute Zoom call for the referral letter required into a trans clinic). This has all happened within a period of 5 weeks and as far as we know he has now been prescribed test or one. There has been no thoroughness or rigour in the process. We expressed our concerns about the speed of it all and asked him (very gently) to take more time (and live longer as a man prior to a full medical transition) which was taken very badly. We have now been demonised by our son & his older siblings. They have blocked us from all communication and we have no idea if we will ever be reconciled. We are devastated and this is all as a result of us speaking our truthful concern as parents - not because we have in any way invalidated him or refused to believe in him, in fact we have done the opposite of that and tried to be there for him, learn more about transgender, joined a support group etc…We in fact feel as though we are in a no win situation - damned if we do, dammed if we don’t. We feel a deep sense of loss and grief.

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Percyprod · 28/06/2021 17:07

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InspectorHastings · 28/06/2021 19:40

@Percyprod I'm in my 40s and I agree with everything you've written there.

@Maskedoutoffear that's really scary how quick things have been pushed through. There is increasing focus on the shocking treatment of children identifying as trans by GIDS... but of course this does nothing to help young adults. The adolescent brain is in place until around 25, and it's until that age our children need protecting really. Keep showing your child your love - I hope they will in time come to realise that you have their best interests at heart.

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ByGrabtharsHammerWhatASavings · 28/06/2021 19:58

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Maskedoutoffear · 28/06/2021 21:37

@InspectorHastings thank you for your reply & acknowledgment of our concerns. We will keep reaching out and showing our love … and praying for a miracle 🙏.. the scary thing is that it the older sister who is a young doctor herself, is financing the transition with no conversation with us. Her actual words when we asked what if he made a mistake were ‘ if that happens , it happens’ ! 😞

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OhHolyJesus · 30/06/2021 13:28

@Maskedoutoffear what a horrific tale, this is awful, I'm so sorry this is happening. The words from your daughter and her actions in particular. Very concerning that she is a health care professional.

OP, you could try Genspect

genspect.org/

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Maskedoutoffear · 30/06/2021 17:04

@OhHolyJesus it truly is scary. I've just checked out the link you posted .. very informative & confirming more of our fears. The issue we have of course is that our trans son is an adult ...
Sadly the more we are shut out the more we are inclined to believe he's wrapped up in something more sinister. I cannot believe the actions of my stepdaughter .. we are powerless :( and I'm overwhelmed by grief , sadness, loss.. All we feel we can do is sit back & wait ...and hope.

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lindaB1978 · 30/06/2021 17:10

my son max has gone through with his transition. it has been a rollercoaster but he is much happier now, and i love seeing my baby smiling. i think with your 'daughter', the best way to deal with this is have a long conversation with them about how they feel. try to be understanding, trust me i know its really weird but maybe the right thing to do? just dont let a therapist or something deal with this (they often do more damage than good in this kind of situation). i think perhaps leave your daughter to do what she wants. she should be independent after all.

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Maskedoutoffear · 30/06/2021 17:28

@lindaB1978 I hear what you're saying & we have been entirely supportive since his coming out.. the real issue arose when we merely expressed our genuine concern over the speed at which he has chose ( & was encouraged ) to medically transition ( less than 8 months of being out as trans) and the lack of thoroughness in the system.. no face to face appointments , no therapy to ensure he's on the right path? Really? I will never agree that 5 weeks from referral to prescribing hormones is ok.. and believe me I do want my son to be happy and find his true self but in a careful Safeguarded way which prevents mistakes ... I'm happy your so is happy and I'd be interested to hear his journey and timelines ..

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OhHolyJesus · 30/06/2021 21:27

I am hoping with you @Maskedoutoffear.

We all want the best of care for our children, even as adults, and we all want our kids to be happy, of course we do.

Showing concern at the speed of the assessment and subsequent 'treatment' with the risks and long term effects, comes from love. 19 is so young, this must be so incredibly difficult for you.

I truly hope you can be reconciled and your son remains physically and mentally well. I really wouldn't have a clue of what to do about the step daughter.

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wrennywr · 13/12/2021 11:55

@abc989

Hi, does anyone know a good councillor that can persuade children not to go through the medical intervention. My 17 year old child wants to be a boy by going through the hormone injection and double mastectomy. I don’t want her to do something that is irreversible. I have told her that she should focus on her mind instead of physical change as it won’t make her truly happy. Has anyone in the same situation used a councillor that can guide teenagers in the way that they don’t take the medical procedures. Thanks.

I'd be careful if I were you, op. Going through with this will achieve nothing but making your son hate you. If you send your son to these disgusting places all that will happen is he will repress these feelings until he can leave your custody. Then he will do everything he can to avoid you and transition anyway.
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OhHolyJesus · 13/12/2021 19:43

I don't think that necessarily true, wrenny Detransitioners are increasingly speaking out about how exploratory therapy, rather than the simple affirmative only approach, would have saved them a lot of pain.

A very recent example here.

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