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This board exists primarily for parents of LGBT children to swap support and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be supportive.

where to start.
6

AmyRiceCakes · 07/01/2021 12:46

i need advice so i can help my sister.
my 26yr old sister has twins they will be 5 in june, she owns a hair salon and 2 nail bars in windermere she is also carer for our 69 yr mum who lives less than a mile from her. her twins a boy an girl are her life, sadly her son has medical issues that mean at 5 he is still in nappies and will be for the forseable future, the docs have an end plan in place sadly though covid and other issues with him mean they cant marry the end plan with an end date. her daughter is a normal happy 5 yr old but her son has growth issues and at the minute no bigger than a 3 yr old, he sleeps in a romper that is for a 3 yr old which means she can change his nappy easier. other than size and medical issues he is a very boistrous 5 yr old, he never stops talking and runs everywhere. Now to the problem... he has suddenly over the past 7 month started to want to wear girls clothes, he will only play with his sisters toys, and getting him dressed to go out is becoming a battle of wills, the latest incident yesterday happened while i was on a zoom call to my sister, she was trying to dress him when he had a proper full on meltdown and ran out of the house naked (apart from a nappy) and into the road into the path of a van. these meltdowns are getting worse, he wont answer to his name and says his names emily. my sister is now at the end of her tether, this morning i zoom called her and it reduced me to tears, she was a motorsport grid girl girl and promotions girl, she has always been very stylish and confident, this morning she had her hair tied back, no make up and looked 40yr old, she looks like she has the weight of the world on her back and we dont know what advice to give her regards her son... any suggestions would be very welcome.

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Ohalrightthen · 07/01/2021 12:49

My advice would be do whatever makes her life easier. Let him wear dresses and call him Emily if it makes him happy. At that age my DH would apparently only wear a cape and his cricket whites, and insisted on being called Batman. They're play acting. Go with it.

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NearlyTheHolidays2 · 07/01/2021 13:14

It sounds to me as if he's wanting attention, rather than it being an LGBT issue. Your sister is a beautiful woman who cares about her appearance, his sister no doubt has attention and encouragement to look her best too, to wear nice clothes or have pretty hair. At 5 he'll be aware of his medical issues and differences and will be wanting reassurance that he's acceptable and loved. If he sees positive attention being given for 'girl' behaviour then it makes complete sense to do this. Personally I'd let him wear what he wants and play with whatever toys he wants, while also giving him loving attention just for being him and developing his other interests at the same time. I'm sure also that his medical appointments and care have taken so much time that mum possibly feels the daughter has been left out and has compensated for that in giving her extra attention. Unfortunately then though the daughter will get all the 'nice' attention, while he'll possibly have been getting more 'necessary' attention and time and is just needing a bit more TLC generally. If he wants to wear dresses for a while then it's really no big deal as far as I can see. My son spent about 6 months dressed as a sheep at that age! 😂

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Nowayhozay · 07/01/2021 14:04

My ds was around 4 or 5 when he began asking for girls clothes to wear, he would always be dressing up in his sister's clothes and playing with her toys.
It was never an issue in our family, we couldn't see any harm in it and it made him happy.
We would on occasion buy him things he asked for and he had his pick of hand me downs.
He is now a teenager and still enjoys all things "girly"
He jumps from girl to boy mode without any drama and is a very happy and popular person.
At home he is now spending more time as her but he did this during the last lockdown as well.
Despite all this he has never ever mentioned wanting to transition, he is happy just as he is.
So my advice would be to not fight it especially at such a young age, it could be a passing phase, it could be for attention or it might genuinely be a part of him, either way I think going with it is the kindest course of action.

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AmyRiceCakes · 07/01/2021 19:52

hi @Nowayhozay @Ohalrightthen @NearlyTheHolidays2
i told her that myself, i think his medical issues are making her stress more, he needs quite frequent nappy changes, its a challenge at the best of times, i think the current situation along with the risk of losing her home as well as business is taking her toll, i've told her nobody will bother just put him in a dress, in the grand scale of things its the least of her worries

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Branleuse · 08/01/2021 13:51

id just let him get on with it. I dont think its massively unusual at that age. Dont make a big deal of it. Ive known quite a few kids over the years that have gone through this as a stage, yet only one where they decided the kid was trans. The more of a big deal made out of it, the more it gets reinforced to them. Really just encourage her to remember that clothes and toys are just clothes and toys, and if thats what he likes, then why shouldnt he

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AmyRiceCakes · 08/01/2021 18:25

@Branleuse
hi, i told her the same, i think his medical issues are adding to her worries, i feel helpless as i am too far away i cant help her.

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