Daughter transgender

[Chimeraforce]

My daughter is 14 and told me she identifies as a male and has felt that for over a year. I know it took guts to tell me. She cried and apologised so I hugged and was supportive. I'm not happy though. She says she will tell her class this month which I'm dreading on her behalf. I've asked her if she is lesbian or wondered if Aspergers. She says no and that it kills her inside being a girl and upsets her when ppl including me, call her "she". I asked how she feels about her body she says disgusted by periods, lady parts etc. I'm concerned she's having an identity problem rather than defo gender problem.
I'm scared and unsure who to go to. I'm not wanting any of this and scared she'll get taken off me.

I feel so much for girls these days, they are subject to such relentless sexualisation and if they don't feel comfortable with it their only option seems to be assuming they're not really female. I'm not surprised so many girls want to opt out. Please be patient with her, show her you empathise with how restrictive and awful most mainstream representations of girls and women are. Let her know she can be free of a that nonsense, and be safe. She will hopefully find a way to be female and not constrained by femininity.

[quote Evarish]@LeopardFever Being trans doesn't mean 'moving from one gender to another'. It's someone who's gender doesn't match the one associated with their sex (girl or woman for someone born female, boy or man for someone born male).[/quote]
In the Olden Days we called this feminism

This was my daughter 1.5 years ago. I was terrified for her and worried her future would be so impacted. It was a phrase with her. There were other kids at school who she admired doing the same thing. She was always quite girly before and is back to her old self now. I think in lots of secondaries at the moment it’s ‘a thing’ and gets them a lot of attention. Obviously for some children its something they feel on a more permanent basis but just sharing my experience

Should have added I was very accepting of whoever she wanted to be but in moderaation. I would not let her bind her boobs but would let her wear ‘flattening’ sports bras

@Newpuppymummy had she started using new name / pronouns at school? I'm really concerned that my daughter would be so embarrassed back tracking on coming out as trans, that it makes it easier to stick with it even if she's not really feeling it any more.

She had started using a new name with friends but not teachers. I really struggled with the new name and tried hard but often forgot tbh. I think it’s so common in her friendship group that she wasn’t that embarrassed when she changed back.

So he's not your daughter. If it annoys him when you refer to him as she, why use she in literally the next sentence. Are you deliberately trying to make him uncomfortable? Because if so, god help your kids, especially him.

This weekend I have discovered a condition that I have never heard of before – Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – My world has turned upside-down and I have never been so frightened in all my life.

I have a daughter age 14 and she has suddenly announced that she Trans. It has come from nowhere. She said that she didn't want to be a girl anymore and relates more to being a boy – she said that she wanted to be known at school by a male name and wanted to cut her hair – I have been very gentle with her – saying that I just want her to be happy – that I understand that puberty is a very difficult time – where is it normal to feel confused and scared. I have allowed her to change her name at school – we have cut her hair – she has been wearing trousers to school – so I am supporting her through it the as best I can.

This weekend I have been reading lots of information about young children who think they are Trans and came across this condition, Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – and from what I have read, this is what my daughter is experiencing.

My daughter had a difficult couple of years with friendship groups and girls (as many do) – days….) Now with this new friendship group, obviously, she has developed strong bonds – I can see the appeal of feeling part of a group, fitting in, having a common identity, status and kudos with peers…. (for me at 14 it was about being a goth and our little group of friends loved listening to The Cure – simple days).

So, I have been reflecting on how and where this all began. At Christmas time, one of her male friends announced that he wanted to be female – the group of friends supported him and it was all they talked about – then, within a few weeks, all of those children in that group had given themselves an LGBT related badge – gender-fluid – non-binary etc– and everything is all about the Pronouns.

Now the group are defined by this – it's all they talk about every day. They are all aged between 13 and 14 years old. I do believe that social media has been instrumental in all of this and having access to a smartphone where discussions continue out of school, is making this more and more real for her where I feel she is pressured into this even more, with friends texting and saying, on a scale of 0-10 how do you feel? How loaded is that?

I have been scan reading ‘Inventing Transgender children and Young People” by Michele Moore and Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier – which have been so very informative and I recommend them for any parent going through this. This bewildering craze raises so many concerns for me as a parent. I just want to say that I have nothing but respect for Transgender adults – its a completed different thing entirely – here we are dealing with vulnerable, young children who are going through puberty – and who are struggling with it – I feel that we are in danger of enabling them to go down a potentially dangerous path and I am fully aware that expressing concerns about your teenage daughter suddenly identifying as a trans is socially verboten – but my daughter’s heath and her future of of utmost importance to me – she is so easily influenced and I want to support her the best I can, in navigating this minefield.

In one of those books I came across only two happy endings - both examples talked about how the parents gave their children a break from both those particular friends and from social media. So, I have decided that our family are going to have a series of lifestyle changes – one of which is, that we are all going to swap our smartphones for a basic ring and text text – Chris Evans did it and has never looked back. So, on the first day of the summer holidays, the smartphones go – then we go away on holiday and my daughter will have a 6-week break from the constant influence of social media and those particular mates. I have planned for her to join a couple of clubs and help her to naturally make new friends, friends that don't obsess about this – I am also looking into arranging for her to go to a different school, ready for September, if things are no better by the end of the 6 weeks. It's going be hard, I have no doubt– but I have to give my daughter breathing space from all of this...

When she an adult and if this is the life she wants to lead, then we will be fully supportive and at the end of the day , we just want her to be happy. In the meantime, she is only a child – she is vulnerable – and I believe that this genderist ideology craze is bypassing child safeguarding with potentially devastating results leading to set troubled youngsters on the path of potentially mutilating their bodies and a lifetime dependence on medication.

I would like to hear from any parents that are experience similar and how they are coping.

This weekend I have discovered a condition that I have never heard of before – Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – My world has turned upside-down and I have never been so frightened in all my life.

I have a daughter age 14 and she has suddenly announced that she Trans. It has come from nowhere. She said that she didn't want to be a girl anymore and relates more to being a boy – she said that she wanted to be known at school by a male name and wanted to cut her hair – I have been very gentle with her – saying that I just want her to be happy – that I understand that puberty is a very difficult time – where is it normal to feel confused and scared. I have allowed her to change her name at school – we have cut her hair – she has been wearing trousers to school – so I am supporting her through it the as best I can.

This weekend I have been reading lots of information about young children who think they are Trans and came across this condition, Rapid-Offset Gender Dysphoria – and from what I have read, this is what my daughter is experiencing.

My daughter had a difficult couple of years with friendship groups and girls (as many do) – days….) Now with this new friendship group, obviously, she has developed strong bonds – I can see the appeal of feeling part of a group, fitting in, having a common identity, status and kudos with peers…. (for me at 14 it was about being a goth and our little group of friends loved listening to The Cure – simple days).

So, I have been reflecting on how and where this all began. At Christmas time, one of her male friends announced that he wanted to be female – the group of friends supported him and it was all they talked about – then, within a few weeks, all of those children in that group had given themselves an LGBT related badge – gender-fluid – non-binary etc– and everything is all about the Pronouns.

Now the group are defined by this – it's all they talk about every day. They are all aged between 13 and 14 years old. I do believe that social media has been instrumental in all of this and having access to a smartphone where discussions continue out of school, is making this more and more real for her where I feel she is pressured into this even more, with friends texting and saying, on a scale of 0-10 how do you feel? How loaded is that?

I have been scan reading ‘Inventing Transgender children and Young People” by Michele Moore and Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier – which have been so very informative and I recommend them for any parent going through this. This bewildering craze raises so many concerns for me as a parent. I just want to say that I have nothing but respect for Transgender adults – its a completed different thing entirely – here we are dealing with vulnerable, young children who are going through puberty – and who are struggling with it – I feel that we are in danger of enabling them to go down a potentially dangerous path and I am fully aware that expressing concerns about your teenage daughter suddenly identifying as a trans is socially verboten – but my daughter’s heath and her future of of utmost importance to me – she is so easily influenced and I want to support her the best I can, in navigating this minefield.

In one of those books I came across only two happy endings - both examples talked about how the parents gave their children a break from both those particular friends and from social media. So, I have decided that our family are going to have a series of lifestyle changes – one of which is, that we are all going to swap our smartphones for a basic ring and text text – Chris Evans did it and has never looked back. So, on the first day of the summer holidays, the smartphones go – then we go away on holiday and my daughter will have a 6-week break from the constant influence of social media and those particular mates. I have planned for her to join a couple of clubs and help her to naturally make new friends, friends that don't obsess about this – I am also looking into arranging for her to go to a different school, ready for September, if things are no better by the end of the 6 weeks. It's going be hard, I have no doubt– but I have to give my daughter breathing space from all of this...

When she an adult and if this is the life she wants to lead, then we will be fully supportive and at the end of the day , we just want her to be happy. In the meantime, she is only a child – she is vulnerable – and I believe that this genderist ideology craze is bypassing child safeguarding with potentially devastating results leading to set troubled youngsters on the path of potentially mutilating their bodies and a lifetime dependence on medication.

I would like to hear from any parents that are experience similar and how they are coping.

Contact Genspect

genspect.org/

It’s an organisation set up for and by parents in your situation and offers multiple points of view (unlike Mermaids, for example). From interviews of the founder, Angus Fox, that I’ve heard, he’s trained in child safeguarding and social work, and approaches the situation from a highly compassionate POV.

But ROGD is scary. What you describe of your daughter’s friendship group’s behaviour, it sounds like the anorexia epidemic or the conversion to an extreme form of evangelical Christianity I saw in my own teen years.

Connection to an intensely emotional situation
Connection to a movement or set of ideas seen as progressive, but also oppositional to authority figures in their lives
The creation of a teenage community which excludes and rejects adults

ShortBacknSides
Thank you for reaching out - yes, it is a scary situation - especially when my daughter is beautiful, clever, compassionate and bubbly. This has taken over any other interest she has had and I feel that it is a safeguarding issue in schools that is about to explode.

I will check out genspect - thank you again for getting in touch.

@Chimeraforce

My daughter is 14 and told me she identifies as a male and has felt that for over a year. I know it took guts to tell me. She cried and apologised so I hugged and was supportive. I'm not happy though. She says she will tell her class this month which I'm dreading on her behalf. I've asked her if she is lesbian or wondered if Aspergers. She says no and that it kills her inside being a girl and upsets her when ppl including me, call her "she". I asked how she feels about her body she says disgusted by periods, lady parts etc. I'm concerned she's having an identity problem rather than defo gender problem. I'm scared and unsure who to go to. I'm not wanting any of this and scared she'll get taken off me.

You are hurting your son by continuing to call him she/her. If you want your kids to take care of you in your old age you'd make sure to support him. Even if he finds out on the way that he was wrong, you need to continue to support your kid.

Echoing PPs - please don’t continue to misgender. It is such a small thing you can do to show your support and understanding. Please listen to the FTM trans PP who shared his own personal experience of how much more difficult this makes this whole experience.