Non-binary child changing their mind...!

[MooPointCowsOpinion]

After supporting my child who came out as non-binary last week, sorting things with the school and supporting them in coming out to family and friends, they have said maybe they just did it to make themselves feel special and perhaps they want to stop now...!
They’re 10. They’re saying they will stay non-binary for a bit and then maybe change back to a girl... How likely is it to have just been a phase? Should I be exploring gender fluid as an option for them? Or am I just supposed to go with it while they test things out?
Argh help. I just want to be supportive. There’s a chance they have special needs so we are currently on a waiting list for testing for that too. I don’t know how much one affects the other or what to do for the best!

Listen to them and encourage them to be comfortable and confident in their own skin.

Adults don't need to be pushing their kids into considering labels and boxes to put themselves in.

For each person who has gender dysphoria there are loads who are simply finding their feet outside limited stereotypes. Challenge the stereotypes or the idea a child needs a label to exist outside stereotypes and then nurture them as a great child.

The world has gone mad !! Why on Earth you rush into talking to the school , coming out to friends and family 5 minutes after your 10 year old announces she is “ non binary “ doubt she even knows what it means !!

Sex is binary. There are the human beings who produce the large gametes & the human beings who produce the small gametes,

Why not let your daughter present how she likes & bin stereotypes.

Oh dear lord she’s fucking ten years old. Ten year old come out with all sorts of crap. Would you have made a coming out announcement to family and friends and ‘sorted it’ with the school if she decided she wanted to be a giraffe?? 🙄🙄

I'd focus on why she felt the need to feel special. She needs to find something that makes her feel good about herself. Throwing posts, speed skating, ice-sculpting, orienteering, spelling bees.

I've two teenage girls and I've always made sure that they have a life outside of school so that they have something to fall back on if there is some drama at school.

I think you've jumped the gun somewhat on this. She's only ten.

I wanted to be a boy when i was younger. I even made my mum and my teachers call me Thomas and wouldn't answer to Chelsee at all.
This lasted maybe a year. This being the late 80s it was recognised for what it was, a phase.

I'm now one of the most 'gender conforming', awful term women that I know.

The world has gone mad. Your daughter is a girl, just go along with her and she will turm out exactly how she is supposed to, whatever that may be. Stay away from labels, they are so damaging and unnecessary.

Ask her what she thinks non-binary feels like. Ask her what she thinks it means to be a girl and what it should feel like.

Talk to your daughter about gender stereotypes and how they can hold us back and make us feel like we aren’t doing things right- but that they aren’t real rules and we can be whoever we are, like what we like, and still be completely female.

they have said maybe they just did it to make themselves feel special and perhaps they want to stop now...!

Your child is very self-aware!!

So your 10yo told you a week ago they think they are non binary, and you swiftly informed the school?

Children go through all sorts of phases. Some of them stick, many of them don't. I think you've been a little hasty.

Thank goodness I was brought up in the 70s. Refused to wear girls clothes, had a boy haircut, even forced my family to call me a masculine version of my name.

These days I would have been really confused if I was a child. Actually all I wanted was to be a boy like my bro as they seemed to have more fun.

Lasted a year or so.

Poor kids these days, everything has to have a label and be taken SO seriously. Nothing can be regarded as a phase and "oh, ok darking'' the reply as mum gets on with drinking her coffee

How does a ten year old child even know about this nonsense?! That’s the most disturbing part. Just let her dress/play with how/whatever she likes and stop making “gender” into a big deal with this child.

Criticising the op for what is already done is really not helpful.

Op you are clearly trying to do your best in being supportive, perhaps just tell them they can be whatver they are and they don't need to make any firm decision at the moment. You are there when they want to talk.

If you have the means counselling for you or her could be helpful to manage the situation if persists unclear for a while

What would you even need to say tobte school if she's non binary? Surely she would keep using the same loo and just wear whatever she wanted ans have her hair cut in a style she likes but is appropriate for schools. Orr I the school still lining children up by boys and girls?

Buy her a pony.

To the arseholes: my child came out to their friends and teachers and the school called me. So fuck off, the school were involved because my child involved them. Grow some compassion.

@ChelseeDagger and @BloggersBlog - they have it spot on. I wanted to be a gay man at 16. Largely because I had a crush on a gay author, and his life sounded a lot more exciting than mine... dull northern town.

I kept it to myself.

Good your daughter can talk to you. But all this labelling: tricky times these days.

OP just go along with what they want, don't encourage or discourage labels. You'll have to speak to the school again though. You jumped the gun there but I understand you were trying to be supportive. With kids you have to just wait and see.

Xpost with OP. In this case, it’s the school. Our school is similarly over invested at times. But you sound very supportive, so that is v good for her.

@Greenmarmalade thank you for the thoughtful comments.
I have always told my child they can be whatever they want to be, we always challenge gender stereotypes and I found the non-binary thing a big shock as we are very gender critical. We read books about strong, real women, celebrate women in films/tv shows, and are allies of the LGBT community.

@LolaSmiles thank you for thoughtful comments. That’s my instinct. I just don’t know how to approach that with the school and my child is super nervous about going ‘back on it’ as they’ve put things in place now. I did tell the school to calm down, they jumped in so quickly and only called me afterwards. I did have very cross words with the school but I don’t see how that’s important to how I support my child. I really hate some people on Mumsnet some times, I forget why I ever thought this was a safe place for women.

be thankful your daughter is so thoughtful and self aware- I would imagine embarassment is a possibility now, so help her find graceful ways of telling the friends and family- you know what, I'm cool with being a girl. And as pp said, encourage her to develop whatever hobbies, interests, sports etc inspire her and involve her in a wider circle, especially if that involves getting out in the real world and not the virtual world

OP given your latest post, I can see how she’d do this for attention. It’s just the sort of thing I’d have done as a kid. I was an only child so exposed to much older view points, and coming up with s/thing like this would make me sound very grown up. Hopefully, school is just as sympathetic with stepping away from such labels. If doable, I’d prob want ppl around me to just brush it under the rug 1940s style...or better still, undo it with a few words? This is what your daughter seems to want or not?