WankmasterBastardDeLaShithead ·
25/09/2020 15:09
My DS(11) has been "gender non-conforming" ever since he could express his preferences (ie has always preferred wearing clothes and playing with toys stereotypically seen as female). He is consistently mistaken as female, and he likes this. DH and I have generally let him get on with this, neither encouraging nor discouraging this aspect of him, and trying not to let it be too much of a big deal, making sure he has other hobbies and interests etc. There has been a certain amount of well-meaning / unintentional pressure outside of family life (eg from school, extra curricular activities, and most recently within his friend group) for him to "identify as trans", eg people proactively asking if he would rather be called "she".
I feel uncomfortable about this, not because I'm "anti-trans", but because it feels like it's channelling him into another "box" that's potentially as restrictive as good old fashioned sexism. I would really like him to grow up knowing that it's a perfectly fine option for him to be a boy, and to enjoy all the things he enjoys even if they are stereotypically girly. I'm fully aware that this may not be something that he "grows out of" and that at some point he might want/ need counselling etc, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it!
Anyway, his year group are about to start "Relationships, Sexual Health and Parenthood", and I'm trying to ascertain what sort of messages are being delivered around stereotyping / sexism / transgenderism. The material I have found on the RSHP website is a bit vague, although it does state
"This activity continues a narrative across the RSHP resource that encourages children to be whatever kind of girl or boy they want to be, free from stereotypes and gender-biased expectations" which sounds good.
On the other hand I wish there was more direct mention of "gender non-conforming" people. At the moment it seems that only transgender people are discussed directly.
His school is open to discussion about all of this, and I really want to support them in delivering the most helpful material possible. I recently saw the update to the gov.uk information which was fantastically clear and level-headed (IMO!), and I will refer them to this. I was also thinking of pointing them in the direction of transgendertrend (incidentally when I typed transgender trend into google, the sponsored site at the top of the page was to "transgender-trend" (with a hyphen), a website that seemed to be promoting the "affirmative" model").
I'm wondering if any wise mumsnetters have any advice about this?