DD (year 9) had a meltdown lastnight because one of her friends has dramatically changed appearance since school has returned (think amped up red smudge all around eyes and black eyeliner linking over bridge of nose with small crosses under each eye and black bits at side of mouth) - my DD showed me a group pic and I was slightly taken aback as it is quite dramatic.
The thing is DD has consistently tried to support this friend and has attended LGBT meetings etc, tries to use pronouns and is generally very understanding but yesterday was tough at school as she did see and hear others mocking her friend over why their appearance was so "different"
The friend is claiming to be non-binary and has felt this for at least a year now but DD really confused as to why friend states they "want people to wonder whether I'm a girl or a boy"? She doesn't understand why they won't just say "I'm non-binary". Reading between the lines, DD is a sensitive wee soul and would do anything to protect her friend but feels she doesn't know what to do or say when people pass comments (which they do!)
It's a really tricky situation and she was sobbing lastnight about feeling under pressure to do and say the right thing all the time that she's starting to feel anxious about possibly offending people without meaning to.
I've reassured her she's a good friend, we watched you tube things lastnight to try to understand the non-binary viewpoint and feelings. We spoke about it being okay to just "be you". She just kept coming back to this point of her friend saying "I want people to wonder whether I'm a boy or a girl" - and I can't get my head around that one either to be fair. To my understanding, being non-binary is about not identifying in gender internally and externally but not about wanting to create curiosity for others - maybe I have got that wrong. Do you have any similar stories?