Concern about indoctrination

[SupportPlease]

I know this thread may be removed but I need some advice or an idea of where to get support, I have NC.

My DD1 (18) self identified as male about 2 years ago and last year changed her name by deedpoll. I probably haven't supported her/him as I should as I believe these gender identity issues are austism/anxiety related - there have been numerous attempts to get support through CAMHs and a diagnosis but after about 4 years we are still nowhere near and haven't seen anyone from adult MHS despite being referred to them when DD turned 18 in February.

We moved house in January and she now shares a room with 13 year DD2, first time they have ever had to share. Now, 6 months later DD2 has told me she is also trans - she says she hasn't always felt like this and might not always feel like it but wants to change her name. I do think there has been indoctrination by older DD who has social issues and spends about 18 hours a day talking to god knows who online.

I just don't know what to do, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells constantly with DD1 but DD2 has always been a very kind, easy going person and she has changed a bit since lockdown began. I can't separate them as this would not only be obvious but there is no other space for one of them to have, hence why they share. Any advice or signposting to support sites would be really helpful right now.

If DD2 is only 13, perhaps start calling them by their preferred pronouns and name, and let them cut their hair. All of these can be reversible if DD2 ends up thinking they're not trans. Childhood is about figuring out your place in the world, so experimenting with gender identity is not going to harm your child.

Sometimes you need to put your pride aside. You dont have to agree with transitioning, you just need to support your children through their journeys in life. If that means calling them by their preferred name, you need to do that as a parent.

This must be very tough for you OP. I hope you can find some support for you on here, there are so many threads about this issue so do please look at others and glean advice where you can.

I’d also post on the feminist board though you will get mostly replies that will be steering you away from just blindly accepting and affirming your daughters belief she should be a boy. They will be able to point you in the direction of parent groups who are going through the same thing.

And i disagree about just going along with your child and letting them set the agenda - especially as it sounds like possible social contagion.

Thank you for replying, I will post on the Feminism board too, I just feel so deflated and helpless.

@FishTaxo101 I did let her cut her very long hair recently because she wanted to, but again this is also because she wanted it like DD1s.

This is a support site for parents of children who identify as trans, particularly teenage girls. ourduty.group/

Another support group is www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/

Thank you @OldCrone, I've read the page about ROGD and it is describing DD1 exactly!

I’d ditto Old’s suggestions of Our Duty and Bayswater. Bayswater in particular has been a Godsend to me since DD(15) announced she was a boy last year.