My daughter

[debrasmith]

Hello. My 13 year old daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend that she dated for a month and now has come out bisexual. We had a chat about it and she's been thinking that she's bisexual for a few years now and she's always like girls and boys since before she knew what bisexuality was.

This isn't something that I have a problem with, but I'm the only one (other than some of her close friends) that knows. We're thinking of a way that she can come out to the rest of our family without wanting a lot of attention as she's quite shy. I don't want to tell them because I'll feel like I'm betraying my daughter and outing her before she's ready.

If you have any ideas, please reply

All the best, Debra xx

Why does she have to at 13? Otherwise surely it just comes up naturally in conversation. Why announce anything?

I don't think she has to come out. I don't think anyone does. Labels have a habit of getting grubby.

"Coming out" makes it feel that straight is the default and anything other needs explanation. Personally I feel introducing a gf or bf shouldn't need any additional explanation.

She's only 13, let her take some time to develop who she is. All she needs is your acceptance and support if the time comes that she wants to announce she has a gf.

Unnecessary.
I'd also be wary of your username and the way you've signed off your post. Could be quite outing.

I’m in a similar position with DD but I see no reason for her to ‘come out’ yet. Your DD might be different but mine is still very young and her relationships are still just friendships really. I’ve told her that it’s very very normal to be attracted to both boys and girls, and that she may be bi as an adult or she may settle on one sex or the other. I’ve said that when she’s older it will be clearer because she’ll start to have strong sexual feelings about people (which she really doesn’t yet). I’m cool either way, but I don’t think seeing your sexual orientation as set in stone at this age is particularly helpful. Or any age for that matter!

She's 13.

My daughter “came out “ in year 8 . I advised against it as just knew there would be a back lash. She ended up being bullied refused to go & ended up changing schools.
Why anyone would want to reveal their sexuality to a bunch of kids at that age is beyond me. Completely ruined her life for over 12 months. I would not recommend it but if they go head they should be aware of the consequences. Some people are ok & some are down right cruel

No. No dramatic 'coming out'. Tell her to date who she likes, and let her own sense of self unfold as she grows. 13 is too young to start labelling herself, as once you go 'public' it's hard to row back from, and she might feel pressure to prove her status as 'bi'.

She doesn't need to announce her sexuality. It’s not anyone’s business and it’s 2020. Also, she’s 13, she is what she is but at this age, dating shouldn’t be a huge thing in her life.

My DD21 is gay, there’s been no coming out, she’s had female partners since she was 16, nobody has said a word.
She’s only 13, she might like girls just now, think most of us did at that age, she might like boys, leave her be, she’s too young for a serious relationship anyway so why the need to make an announcement?

Just don’t. My DD is also bi. If/when she has a serious relationship with a woman she can tell them then. Her sex life is nobody else’s business and frankly, no one cares so ‘coming out’ would be a total cringe-fest.

Thank god she is dodging the Sam Smith ‘look at me, I’m so original and tortured’ crap.

Does she have to "come out"? What difference is it going to make? She's incredibly young and may not even be bisexual. I wouldn't make a big song and dance about it to be honest.

Quite honestly, if one of my friends or someone in my family told me that their 13 year old was bisexual I'd think that the parent was making a big deal out of something that isn't any sort of a deal and that the parent was seeking some sort of attend for themselves.

Your child is on,y thirteen, there is no need for anyone in her wider life to be knowing about her sexuality. Whatever it is.

I believe it's best kept between yourselves at this stage. If her feelings dont change then eventually people around her will come to realise anyway.