Mum is uneducated on sexuality

[Musicalmistress]

DD13 has recently told us she is bi and has a girlfriend (long time friend we know well). She was very open in conversation & OH & I have both said we're glad she could talk to us & that as long as she is happy & in a positive relationship that's most important.
DD & I have close relationship & have always talked about things.
She told SD23 at weekend & it has prompted SD to confirm that she is also bi (we've thought it a possibility for some time but waited for her to say)

If you've read so far thank you. The reason for my post is txts SD sent DD over weekend (while OH & I we're running her back to uni). These texts She's encouraging DD not to talk to me because I don't understand, people like us are not accepting & I'm uneducated on the topic especially since lesbians didn't exist when I was younger far less bisexuals. WTF?!?
I'm upset & angry with SD. I'm sad if she feels we would be unaccepting but I'm pretty pissed that she doesn't really know my thoughts or experiences- just never really come up in conversation but... I am LIVID that she's encouraging DD not to talk to me about things!

Sorry for the lengthy post - any advice or suggestions? Has anyone experienced similar? For info OH & I have been together since she was 15.

If SD says anything to you then tell her to do her research. Mention some lesbian and gay famous figures from decades ago, and ask her to explain that.

Your dd obviously realises that she can talk to you. It could also be a way to talk about the history of lesbians and the battles they are still going through to be accepted.

Personally, if someone said this to me I would pmsl and ask wtf they are on.

Have you sat down with your DD and flat out told her that SD is wrong, and that you always want to talk to her about these things? I'd do that, and let your OH deal (harshly, imo) with SD

I assume (I hope!) you found out about SD's texts because DD told you about them. What did you say to DD when you found out? Maybe DD has set SD straight already and you don't need to do anything.

@ffswhatnext SD has said to OH that I did in fact claim lesbians didn't exist when I was growing up ( not sure how ancient I'd have to be for that to even be a possibility lmao). I think she's misunderstood when I spoke about it being more common to hear about men being gay when I was younger & that people were less open about lesbianism/bisexuality. Also when I was a young teenager there were very few openly homosexual people in the public eye.
Pretty sure they still existed tho lol
Fairly certain she's unlikely to bring it up - won't see her till next school hols now.

@ReallyLilyReally
Had a long chat with DD about jumping to conclusions & she said she thought SD had been a bit prejudiced towards me. DD is a young 13 but not daft!

@DaydreamRedeemer Yes DD spoke to me about the messages as she was a bit perturbed then read some of the texts.

@ReallyLilyReally
OH has had stern words with SD but in her typical style she was briefly contrite & has since fired back snippily that she quoted me correctly & she's not happy that her words were scrutinised! OH going to remind her she was messaging a youngster who was upset by comment who, quite rightly, spoke to her parent.

How does she know what you said or believed when you were growing up or do you mean when she was? She must have been 8 when you got together with her dad.
I think there's obviously some issues between you and her that have nothing to do with the recent subject. When she next returns why don't you take her out for lunch and in a non confrontational way see if you can find out why?

@Pipandmum we were having a conversation in car whilst taking her back to uni at weekend (me, OH & SD) & the subject came up. SD has always spoken quite openly about her interest in gay rights & her varied friendships she's just never said out loud about her own sexuality (totally her choice obviously).
OH & I got together when she was 15 - DD is my daughter, not his.
I would always have said SD & I get on quite well although she went off to uni at 18 so we don't necessarily know each other as well as if she'd lived at home. Hence why she doesn't really know a lot about my experiences growing up or my thoughts on a whole host of other subjects.

I suppose I'm a bit sideswiped as I thought SD & I had a good relationship. I'm also upset that I may have inadvertently said something to give her the impression that I'd be unaccepting, especially given aspects of my work & some of my friends

I would be absolutely furious if another adult told my child they couldn't confide in me. I wouldn't give a shit about the topic. I'd be going straight to them and telling them that if I ever found out they said anything like that again they're relationship with my child would have to be seriously reexamined.

I'm sorry OP but your sds texts made me think of Philip Larkin:

Sexual intercourse began in 1963,
Which was a little late for me.

Anyway maybe you could tell them both about Anne Lister or take them on the tour? Only half joking

@Nomorelaundry let's just say she's lucky she was at uni last night! I'm calmer today and although OH has had a word I will be having a chat next time I see her.

@RuffleCrow I know! If I hadn't been so angry about some of it I would've wet myself laughing - not quite ready to see the funny side yet but it'll come