Too young?

[Rocsand03]

Hi, our son in the last few weeks came out to myself and my husband as gay. Me first and my husband a few weeks later as he was nervous about telling him. He asked me to in the end. Of course I told him everything is fine and we both happy for him and completely support him.
The one thing I’ve been slightly nervous about is that he’s just turned 14 this week and for the last few weeks he’s been seeing a boy about his age. They’re apparently not ‘going out’ yet as the boy is a friend of my sons friend. The boy said he will decide after this month whether to go out with my son or not..?! What does that mean? Should he even see someone at his age? Yes he could have had a girlfriend and it wouldn’t matter so why am I nervous about this? I know i shouldn’t be.
He’s decided to keep it between us and a few friends who are also gay/bisexual. He doesn’t want family knowing just yet.

I’m not sure if my post is being seen or not as I see others have replied. Just wondered if it is working... I’m not having a dig, just hoping I’ve entered it correctly

I wouldn’t say he’s too young.

My ds (13) came out in April this year. He’s had a boyfriend since then and I’ll admit I was nervous to start with aswell. I think I was just worried he would be bullied. But things have thankfully changed a lot since I was at school.

I generally find that teens know there is something different about their sexuality long before they confide in parents.

Personally, I'd act the same as you would if he was seeing a girl.

If it turns out that he isn't gay and was just curious then fine, if it turns out he is bisexual then fine and if it turns out he is gay then that's also fine.

Overall I think teens are a lot more accepting of homosexualty these days and it's not considered a big deal. I'm aware of some y8 students who everyone knows are gay/lesbian because students spoke about it casually in conversation.

Ah dating is different from when we were young OP - it's far more the American style of doing things it seems.

They're presumably at the 'talking' stage. Ascertaining their interest in each other as a potential date. Then they move to the dating stage. It's apparently ok to be talking and even dating several people at the same time. At some point they have the 'exclusive' conversation. Then they're officially going out and are boyfriend and boyfriend.

Not like in my day when you were excluding from the off, but many relationships only lasted a matter of days....

Thanks for your replies. I was worried about the bullying as well although he says things are fine. There had always been a possibility of him being gay. Through certain things he used to do or say growing up we just thought it could be the case so were probably well prepared for it (I hope). As I said it would never have been an issue anyway, he’s our son and we love him no matter what. I just don’t know really what to say to him or if I should. He’s not a talker - like most his age. So just leave him til he wants to talk about anything or try. I did let him know about a lgbt youth group which I discovered locally. They have a youth group and also advisory and an online advise chat. I just said it’s there if it’s something he might me interested in and left it at that

It is young but how lovely that he was able to confide in you and DH, esp if he’s not really a talker bless him. I’d just treat it as though it was any other relationship, you don’t want them getting too involved at that age whether straight/bi/gay

I knew I was bi when I was 10. You would expect him to be interested in girls or start showing an interest from 13 if he were straight, and that is no different because he’s gay. But being gay isn’t as safe as being straight - getting it wrong at this age (ie flirting with someone who isn’t gay / bi) could cause him to have huge social consequences in terms of bullying etc. So it’s normal to take things slow - it doesn’t mean he’s unsure.

I’ve had that conversation with him about being attracted to someone who may not even be gay. Yeah I don’t want him being remotely serious at this age. He did have a girlfriend for quite a while last year. She finished with him and they didn’t speak for months. I just said you’re young, take time to work out who you are and what you want which he seemed relieved about. They’re now good friends - turns out she was trying to work out who she was too and is on fact bi lol. So now they’re supporting each other which is nice. I’m glad if anybody he has good friends who can relate to what he feels

My eldest ds came out when he was 11. Though we had always suspected/known. It wasn’t in any way a surprise. He’s 21 now, and been living with his bf for nearly 3 years. Very happy and content.