I think my son is Gay. So upset!

[Bookaholic73]

I’ve always been open with my kids, taught them not to be judgmental and to accept anyone. Sexuality has never been a problem, I have gay and bisexual friends.

The other day my 15 yr old son was hinting that he was Gay, saying he wanted to tell me something, it involves someone else, blah blah...all the hints indicated he wanted to tell me he is Gay.
I’ve suspected it for a while.

I’m devastated that he doesn’t think he can tell me. I would hope he knows it would make no difference to my love for him, but now I’m wondering if we are as close as I thought.
It’s really upsetting to think that he doesn’t feel able to tell me.

Just keep those lines of communication open. Let him tell you in his own time.

Give him time. In the nicest possible way it's his feelings that matter, not yours. I truly don't mean that unkindly

What a misleading thread title!

It would, of course, be possible to teach children not to be judgmental, accepting everyone, having gay and bisexual friends, all with an overarching theme of "these other people are different from us normal people but we are so liberal and understanding that look we don't mind" - it's called "heteronormativity" - and it's very difficult for anyone who was brought up in the repressed homophobic times of a few decades ago to guard against projecting it, however much they may personally consciously believe in equality. If your child has got the impression that you think heterosexuality is "normal" and non-heterosexuality is "abnormal", and that you believe that those who are abnormal should be "accepted" then yes they may well feel a bit nervous about being re-categorised in your mind from "normal" to "abnormal but accepted". Obviously I have not been a fly on the wall in your house for the last 15 years so I have no way of knowing if this is at all related to the truth.

You could pre-empt him if you think he’s tying himself up in knots over telling you?

Without being too obvious, just keep reassuring him that nothing he could tell you would make you love him any less.

He'll tell you when he's ready.

He's 15, it's going to be awkward talking to his mother about his sexual orientation regardless. Don't make it all about you.

Also what Yoba said.

Unless he is trying desperately to tell you and finding hard, I would just give him time to tell you in his own way. This might not be a big deal for you but it's huge for him!

Why don't you just say, "Is it that you're gay?" ?

Stop making such a big deal of it, if you don't think it's a big deal.

Mine is too. ( and my two daughters - there must have been something in the water for 5 or so years!)

Its a bit of a shock, a sort of disappointment.

But most get over it, its just how it is. Some are born left handed some right handed. Its nothing you did/didn't do.

I worry, at times, that they can be subject to homophobia as they go through life but not about them actually being gay,

They've all nice, decent partners and are settled. Youll have all the problems that any ‘normal’ child can bring to you as well as the enjoyment and companionship.

Just like a straight childthere are times when they need your help, other times shen you need to be a bit more in the background.

I imagine some of our ‘friends’ have talked about us, what have they done etc. - but sod ‘em.

All the best.

Its a bit of a shock, a sort of disappointment.

I have a close friend who went through this too. I think the expectation nowadays is that parents should be happy that their child is gay but she felt like the rug had been pulled out from under her.

When she explained to her son that she would still love him but just needed a bit of time to come to terms with it he totally lost it, called her 'homophobic' and insisted on telling her the uncensored details of a recent assignation. She is a lovely person and was utterly devastated - not because he is gay but because he didn't take her feelings into account.

We hear so much about 'evil' parents who disown their gay child but it is a two-way street.

Goady, click baity thread title

My son told me via email at the same age that he was gay
I spent years telling them that gay/straight/bi/painting themselves bright blue didn’t matter as long as they where true to themselves
It took him 6 months to pluck up enough courage to tell me
I couldn’t be more proud of him-but in his teen head I could have been ashamed of him and he was scared of how I’d react to the news
I’d just give him time-he’s very young/it could be a phase/he may be gay and knows it 100%
Just try to be supportive and he’ll tell you in his own time

Thanks for the kind comments.
I don’t want to ask him if he is Gay, as I want that to be something he tells me in his own time.

I am not a patient person in general, so maybe I need to learn it in this situation.

My child, I'd ask straight up "are you trying to tell me you are Gay?" Iv no patience either and he clearly is struggling to get it out,