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This board exists primarily for parents of LGBT children to swap support and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be supportive.

Explaining a Trans relationship to an 11 year old
7

Grannybags · 27/09/2019 15:08

After some advice. A good friend of mine has recently told me that she is in a relationship with a trans woman. She would like to bring her to a social event at the weekend and asked for my support.
I’m delighted for her - if she is happy and in love then I don’t care who it is with. She has asked me to speak to my husband and our son. This girl and my son are good friends, almost like siblings.
I just wondered if anyone has experience of talking about a trans relationship or what it means to be transgender to a child? I’m guessing he is probably way more worldly wise than I was at his age! Any help appreciated

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PuffHuffle5 · 27/09/2019 15:30

‘So and so used to live as a man but is now a woman... so and so is now said friend’s girlfriend.’ I think that’s simple enough for an 11 year old to understand - although I don’t really know why is needs explaining. If you’re friends girlfriend is now living as a woman does the fact that she used to live as a man need a mention at this point, before they’ve actually met? I don’t really think transgender people should need to explain themselves and their transition every time they meet a new person - like there’s something deceitful in not doing so?

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SpoonBlender · 27/09/2019 15:46

Yeah, it won't need explaining to the kid - it's almost certainly just normal to him. Presumably DH is enlightened enough to cope with the idea without major briefing too?

Sounds like your friend is a bit panicky though. Work with her on keeping it cool, don't worry about your lads.

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Grannybags · 27/09/2019 16:21

Thanks. My friend is panicky as there will be some other people there who will not be at all ok with the situation. I think she wanted me to tell my son as as her partner is not a long way into her transition and still looks quite masculine (friend’s words not mine). I think you are right though, son probably won’t bat an eyelid. I’m just not very knowledgeable about the whole process and he may have questions about LBGT issues in general.

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Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 00:58

If your friend has asked you to tell your dh and son then I would tell them. If the trans person is not long into transition and looks masculine then it would help your dh and son to know to use female pronouns etc. I doubt your son will have any questions for you but at least if he did, he could ask you.

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Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 00:59

...sorry trans woman is not long into transition....

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Grannybags · 29/09/2019 16:14

Friend and partner attended the social event I mentioned today. DS took to her straight away - she is a gamer so they had a lot in common. To be fair to the older members of the group (who my friend was worried about) also did fine. A couple of raised eyebrows but nothing said. Maybe society is more tolerant than myself and my friend thought.

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Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 17:01

Grannybags that's good news. Lots of aspects of society are much more tolerant than they used to be, IMHO.

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