Explaining a Trans relationship to an 11 year old
Grannybags · 27/09/2019 15:08
After some advice. A good friend of mine has recently told me that she is in a relationship with a trans woman. She would like to bring her to a social event at the weekend and asked for my support.
I’m delighted for her - if she is happy and in love then I don’t care who it is with. She has asked me to speak to my husband and our son. This girl and my son are good friends, almost like siblings.
I just wondered if anyone has experience of talking about a trans relationship or what it means to be transgender to a child? I’m guessing he is probably way more worldly wise than I was at his age! Any help appreciated
PuffHuffle5 · 27/09/2019 15:30
‘So and so used to live as a man but is now a woman... so and so is now said friend’s girlfriend.’ I think that’s simple enough for an 11 year old to understand - although I don’t really know why is needs explaining. If you’re friends girlfriend is now living as a woman does the fact that she used to live as a man need a mention at this point, before they’ve actually met? I don’t really think transgender people should need to explain themselves and their transition every time they meet a new person - like there’s something deceitful in not doing so?
SpoonBlender · 27/09/2019 15:46
Yeah, it won't need explaining to the kid - it's almost certainly just normal to him. Presumably DH is enlightened enough to cope with the idea without major briefing too?
Sounds like your friend is a bit panicky though. Work with her on keeping it cool, don't worry about your lads.
Grannybags · 27/09/2019 16:21
Thanks. My friend is panicky as there will be some other people there who will not be at all ok with the situation. I think she wanted me to tell my son as as her partner is not a long way into her transition and still looks quite masculine (friend’s words not mine). I think you are right though, son probably won’t bat an eyelid. I’m just not very knowledgeable about the whole process and he may have questions about LBGT issues in general.
Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 00:58
If your friend has asked you to tell your dh and son then I would tell them. If the trans person is not long into transition and looks masculine then it would help your dh and son to know to use female pronouns etc. I doubt your son will have any questions for you but at least if he did, he could ask you.
Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 00:59
...sorry trans woman is not long into transition....
Grannybags · 29/09/2019 16:14
Friend and partner attended the social event I mentioned today. DS took to her straight away - she is a gamer so they had a lot in common. To be fair to the older members of the group (who my friend was worried about) also did fine. A couple of raised eyebrows but nothing said. Maybe society is more tolerant than myself and my friend thought.
Italiangreyhound · 29/09/2019 17:01
Grannybags that's good news. Lots of aspects of society are much more tolerant than they used to be, IMHO.
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