I have a transgender teenage elephant in my room

[starfishsunrise]

It's nearly 2 years since I posted that I don't believe my son is transgender. I can't do a link but if someone else can add one please feel free.

I got a fair bit of moaning last time. I want to remind anyone reading that I love him and I like him. I just don't believe him. If he became part of a religious cult or similar I'd feel the same.

I'm grateful for all the PMs I got. There was one from a young transgender person which was especially lovely. If you are out there, thanks.

So far in the 2 years since I little has changed. He hasn't had an hair cut in a few years.
He's wearing mostly the same clothes. Shirt and jeans, sometimes leggings.
Although he has a padded bra he wears under some jumpers and thinks we can't tell. Occasionally he puts women's underwear in the washing basket.
It makes me feel sad. Sad for him more than me. He's a boy. I cannot come to terms with it. Be gay, be straight, dress how you want but don't pretend to be a girl.
Don't take hormone and chop your body up. Please don't. He's know how I feel. He's not concerned with any consequences. He sees no pitfalls physically.
In my head the compromise would be Eddie Izzard when he first became famous 20 odd years ago. A bloke who liked wearing women's clothes. Although I think he's different now.

I can see no signs in him of why he feels like this. I have asked, he can't explain.
In my mind I think I could be more accepting if I recognised anything. For lack of any better expressions, he is not 'camp' We don't live in a ' macho' environment. There is nothing 'feminine ' about him.

My son doesn't speak about his 'situation ' He just says I'm transphobic. And shuts down.
I ALWAYS emphasise how much I love him even if I disagree with him.

We don't get to see any of his social media etc. I assume he's on transgender forums who are feeding him this crap. He's says he is fully researched and he is going to have all the operations and treatments he can get hold of. He's off to uni this time next year and is likely to get a place on an traditionally fairly male subject. I think he wants to go as a girl with a new name. I hope they accept him and his choices don't harm him.

It's coming up to his 18th birthday. I wonder if that's when it's going to all happen? It makes my heart sink to think he is making life difficult for himself.

If it's a phase, as I'd hoped, it's a long one.
If it's real then he's keeping a lot bottled up.

Brain studies show only learnt differences are identifiable between male and female

Specifically experience of trauma is more likely in females and that show up in the brain

There is no genuine brain difference other than brain volume ( which scale with body size ) between males and females

Op would be best supporting their child by working out what triggers the belief that there is something wrong with their body

One thing that has changed in the last 3 years is the fact we are hearing more and more about detransitioners. Quite a lot of transpeople are also making themselves heard saying they don’t agree with TRA and sex is sex. It can’t be changed.

Im wondering if gently nudging your dc is listen to those people too could help. These are people that are or were trans and are openly talking about their experience, issues coming with it and how what they thought was their issue (the wrong gender) actually wasn’t (for those who have detransitioned).

The thing is, he is his own person. Whatever he will do will be his own choice and you can’t make that one for him (very hard as a parent!).
The best you can do is to be sure he has all the information, including the pov of those who found they weren’t trans actually. Those who said their issue was. Completely different (MH, being gay etc etc). Not just what the TRA are telling him. But after that, you need to let it go.