How do you know?

[sugarcoatedthorns]

I'm really struggling with the fact one of my dc is so closed. I worry that they'll think I have big issues with whatever they ID as. I don't care. Maybe I've given off some vibes of being anti one thing or another, but they have big issue with me ever sayi g anything at all about the friends that theyentiin in passing, so and so seeing same sex partner or opposite sex. I keep saying that it's not a big deal, just thought said girl was gay, but praps is not or still working things out.

I'm more concerned that they don't say because I'm a shit mum, that they feel they can't speak. Said tonight that I hate that doesnt feel able to talk to me.

So upset about it.

*mention. Friends that they mention...

How old are they? I think they all go through stages where they don't feel able to talk to us or feel embarrassed about this sort of subject.
All I can say is do your best to keep communication open, don't push or force the issue. They will come to you in their own time.

I went through similar with my DS about a year ago, I had done a random phone check and found in his google search history "how to come out" plus a few other things. I tried to talk to him about it but he clammed up and wouldn't respond Cos he wasn't ready to have that conversation. I just stayed "normal" kept mentioning he could talk to me and a year later we are perving over Chris Pratt together while I do his nails 😂. It will come in time I'm sure x

Thanks for replying cricketmum don't want to be age specific, and had never really thought anything about any of it more than in passing really, so have been surprised at the amount of reaction any time there is talk of 'if' or 'is so and so', or 'thought they were homosexual' etc... But I do get that anyone has their time that they can talk and time of not being able to talk, verbalise it; was just so shocked at the heat of reaction and hated that they didn't feel able to talk to me about it. It might not be that, like you say, but just that they not ready to talk about sexuality, although certainly passed puberty...It's very quiet over here isn' t it?

@sugarcoatedthorns haha yes it is a little!!
I know you aren't being age specific but teens especially aren't great at talking about their feelings with their uncool old mums lol. Reverse psychology works great, the more you ignore it the more inclined they may be to talk about it. Just keep your speech as neutral and inclusive as possible, don't raise it as a subject but still mention you are there if they want to talk.
Above all don't worry, what will be will be! This stage will pass in time, just have patience x

P.s by this stage I mean the not talking!! Not the sexuality

Ha ha! But the sexuality too potentially ! These things can move in different directions at different ages, for some. For others they know without a doubt whichever way they are and will always be.

My older son is gay. I kind of knew from when he was little but didn't want to make any assumptions. He told me when he was 16 or so but I don't think he needed to. My younger son is whatever he wants. He hasn't said he is gay. He hasn't said he is straight or any other thing. I have no idea. And its none of my business. Love em just the same.

Haha very true too!!

I've known since he was little, I used to say to my husband and sister that I wouldn't be at all shocked.
He had an issue with a spot of bullying when he was 9 where a boy kept calling him Gay. I said if that was the worst insult he had to hand then that said more about him! He turned round and said "but mum, what if I was gay?" My response was well then you would be even more fabulous than me, we could go shopping and throw glitter around in the house". He just laughed. I knew for sure then.
I have a couple of gay friends and a gay sister and they all tell me they knew from a very young age.
I remember in year 7 he went through a stage of having a different girlfriend every week and he would dump them for the most ridiculous reasons!! Wrong colour bag, didn't like her hair, nose was too small etc... I asked him when he came out if the "crazy girlfriend year" was his way of convincing himself he was actually gay and not Bi. He laughed and said yup got it right there mum!!

There have been early teen bf's, and something happened with one which she alluded to saying about being alone with him in his bedroom, I think he was cruel, but I'm not sure what happened spefically in the bedroom. They didn't see each other again, she's never spoken of it. I do hate that sense of carrying things, not being able to share. Some don't feel the need but she is one to suffer dreadfully in silence, and experienced some stuff in her little life. So I don't want her feeling alone in this. We are very close and she will need my company at lot at times and then not at other times, and I guess all I can do is be here, open to anything that comes.