Is it cool to be lgbt now a days? 12 year old says her and her friends are bi.

[aligee24]

A few months ago when my daughter was 11 I found lgbt memes on her phone. I also checked her search history and she had been searching what different sexualalities meant. When I asked her about it she told me that she was bi. I was quite shocked, more because of how matter of fact she was about it. She said that her and her two best friends are also bi. I told her that I am happy as long as she is happy but I couldn't help but wonder if it's genuine or whether her and her friends have been talking about it and she has just decided it's cool and wants to join in or something. She seems to be obsessed about everything lgbt and wanted rainbow badges to wear to school. She has just turned 12 this month and has went into high school. I tried to tell her that when she goes into high school that she should let people get to know her for who she is and not by a label (in the hope she could avoid/ postpone any bullying) but she's been at school one week and has been asking for lgbt books in the library and asked her guidance teacher to join the lgbt group infront of her class. I'm torn between supporting her in being 'out and proud' and trying to protect her from bullies by telling her to keep it more private. Especially when I don't know if it's genuine or if she fully understands what she's saying. Once it's out there you can't take it back if you change your mind. She seems to have no understanding of how much grief kids get at school for it, she's completely oblivious.

DD3 announced she was bi at 12 - I said fine if she was she was but not to worry about being bi, gay or straight at her age because hormones can be all over the place and it's a confusing time.

DS said he was gay, no problem but even though we knew he was gay we still had a chat about hormones.

DD2 announced she was Pan Sexual - DO NOT ASK YOUR CHILD DOES THIS MEAN THEY'RE INTO FURRIES. The conversation, at the dinner table with everyone there, rapidly descended into absolute chaos and much hilarity. Not a good idea when your child is trying to impart personal information.

My mum talked me out of my first (sensible) career choice and that still really pisses me off!

Good advice, @mikeyssister, think I'll have a chat to dd about hormones etc.

We do generally have a good, open relationship (so far). It's amazing how many mums I know still who hate discussing periods and hormones and stuff with their girls.

Just an update if it helps anyone. I spoke to my daughter about holding off on the lgbt group at School until she was a bit older. She told me that the new group of friends she's made at school are thinking of joining the drawing club and she might go to that instead. She still thinks she's bi but I'm just pleased she wants to go to a club that's age appropriate.

@izzybobsmum DS had the brass neck to say Ewww last I mentioned periods. I don't care if he is gay he still needs to know all about it. He has female sisters and female friends. Likewise girls need to know about erections, wet dreams, mornings etc etc.

I used to say I was bisexual at about 15/16 and it was most certainly because I started to hang out with some other girls who I thought were very cool; who were doing the same. I just wanted to copy and fit in. The friendships drifted as they usually do after a couple of years and the whole lot was forgotten. I know I was a bit older but things have changed now, technology, access to information, openness and acceptance... it doesn’t surprise me that children are facing these questions at a younger age. I think she’ll be fine :)

Definitely they are all talking about it. My 12 year old has not said anything to me but I have seen stuff she's written down or text to friends where she says she is bisexual. She then told me some of her friends are gay and one is 'pansexual'. When I asked her what the difference was between that and bisexuality she wasn't sure.

I think they are all looking at all these options with excitement and little understanding. In some ways it's great that they are so accepting of different sexualties. I suspect it's at least 90% talk and hardly any sexual activity of any sort, even snogging.

I just said to her that at this age people are still figuring out who they are and what their sexuality will be as they become young adults, and there is no reason or need to label yourself as anything. I think the only danger is of them taking themselves too seriously. I think we as parents shouldn't take it too seriously.

I knew I was bi by 11 that’s the age I started having attractions to the same sex, puberty is prime time for realisations like that. Yes some people may be saying they’re lgbt as a stage but the majority won’t be, please do not discount people who tell you there are lgbt simply because they are young. If you know you’re heterosexual from a young age you can surely know you are not.

Thank chuff for mumsnet reading this is a relief by sons just announced he is bi a few days ago he is 11. I thought it was trendy and have heard him talk about his new friends being bi so wasn’t sure if it was a fitting in thing. I don’t mind either way but did worry that he’s a little young to be identifying as anything really he’s never shown any interest in having a girlfriend or a boyf! I took the ‘thats Nice dear’ approach but as a filler to buy me some time to make sure my responses were appropriate. We’ve chatted and I’ve been supportive and explored he whys and what fors a bit more. He’s sworn me to secrecy and I’m a single mum so haven’t had anyone to discuss it with. Glad I saw this post 🙂

bonbon Bisexuality is an attraction to two genders, and pansexuality is an attraction to all genders, I think. not an attraction to pans which to be fair was my initial thought

@Yawning801 yes that is what I read on the subject. But I still don't understand, as far as I was aware there are only two genders so 'all' genders is the same as 'both' genders.

it's a fad like being a Goth or emo.

and sexuality refers to sex, not gender.

Bi usually means you are attracted to people presenting as conventionally male and people presenting as conventionally female. Pan tends to mean you feel you can be attracted to anyone including trans and gender fluid people. Bit of a subtle distinction.

Don't shoot me, I'm just giving you the more -or-less popular view.

My 12 year old and all her friends claim to be "bi" and wear a rainbow badge. It's trendy. "That's nice dear" til further notice I reckon.

Zack no, homosexuality is being sexually attracted to people of the same sex as yourself, heterosexuality is being sexually attracted to people of the opposite sex to yourself and bisexuality is being attracted to both sexes. Gender has nothing to do with it - butch lesbians are still women who are attracted to women, regardless of the fact that they do not adhere to conventional expressions of femininity.

Pan is just bullshit.

Dds is in yr 8.

Lots of her year group have 'come out' as pan sexual, bisexual, gay.... DD just says shes 12...

I didn't say those were the objective correct definitions of sexualities, @RiverTam. I said that was how people who used them, especially people of about 12 right now, tend to understand them. (Insofar as a 12 year old understands sexuality at all.)

oh yes, I see what you mean. But in the current climate I think it's really important to hammer home, as it were, what sexuality actually is. And that's fuck all to do with a gazillion and one genders.

It really is a thing for 12yos, isn't it! Mine asked if I knew anyone that was bi, as her way in. She got a "standing right here, love, yes, I had girlfriends before I met your dad" and the coolness factor kind of wore off a bit She did decide she was going out with a female friend for a bit but we had a chat about how complicated dating your best friend of either sex is, and that fizzled out a few days later. I still think it's all worth keeping an eye on; as RiverTam says, there's a lot of nonsense and downright misinformation out there, some of which is potentially harmful.

I'd have a look at www.transgendertrend.com They offer a more balanced view to the issue.
Unfortunately, there are more dubious organisations like Mermaids, who push a much more aggressive agenda towards very young people, who can't possibly be mature enough to really know what they are yet. Even if they think they know, we all know that feelings can change radically through the teenage years and what you think at 12 isn't necessarily what you'll be feeling by 24.

Statistically it is very unlikely that a group of school friends would all coincidentally happen to be bi. Also, if you're at an age where you don't really understand your sexuality yet, but want to identify as LGBT, then bi (or pan if you're particularly trendy) is the 'safe' option to go for because you're leaving your options open for the future.

I would treat it as a bit of a fad for now. Once she starts showing an actual romantic interest in boys/girls things will become a bit clearer.

When I was young it was fashionable to self harm.

Had a few people who claimed to be bisexual (mainly girls actually), years down the line and they are not.

It really is just a fad. I didn't even consider my sexuality at that age.

Definitely fashionable atm. All my dd1's friends have their own sexuality label and yy to having rainbow everything. I rather suspect a lot of them currently identify as gay or bi because it's a 'cool' way of ducking out of dealing with boys before they're ready for it.

But, meh, whatever. Maybe they are gay, maybe they're not, they'll figure it out eventually.

Yes it's fashionable at the moment. Which is a good thing really because those children that are genuinely gay/bi won't be the odd ones out at that age and everyone is much more accepting.