Sorry this is epically long.
I found out last month that my DD 13 is gay. I saw it on her bio on a social media website. I asked her about it and she said that she had felt like that for a while. We had a chat and I told her that regardless of what path she chose in life, that both DH and I loved her and we're proud of her and wanted her to be happy.
During the discussion I said that I thought she was a bit young to put labels on herself, and I didn't think it was a good idea for her to have it on social
media. She agreed to amend it. We also talked about homophobia, especially in the part of the UK we live in (she had raised this in the conversation).
I have to admit it came as a bit of a shock to me, I suppose because like many parents, I had always envisaged a path of grow up, try lots of relationships, meet your life partner (had never considered anything other than male) and settle down and possibly have DC. But I recognise it is her life and she needs to live it as she wants.
Dd knows that a condition of having her mobile phone is that I check it periodically. I looked at it the other day, and she has sent a WhatsApp message to her whole class saying she is setting up a school LGBT WhatsApp community and does anyone want to join. She goes to an all girls school. I also saw the LGBT WhatsApp group which has a few girls on it, and is full of a lot of gay memes.
I spoke to her and told her I didn't think she should have done that. I'm worried about homophobic bullying, about girls or parents saying that don't want their dds getting changed in front of her at PE, about advances during school time either to or by DD (one of her texts suggested something may have already gone on during school) and that DD is too young to start labelling herself as gay as she might well change her feelings in the future and it would be hard for her to come back from that if she is so out and proud.
She has form for completely over sharing on WhatsApp, and we have had many many conversations about it (hence the condition of her having the phone is that I check it). When we talked about her sharing this with her whole class she became upset and said she didn't think it was anything to be ashamed of, and I had to try to explain that it's not, but that she still shouldn't be sharing her personal business with all and sundry. I drew a comparison with a chronic neck problem I have. I have only discussed it and the impact it has on me with colleagues I like and trust. There are other colleagues who dislike me and would try to twist it against me to say I'm not up to the job. I tried to get her to see that although my neck issue isn't anything to be ashamed of, it's still my personal business that I don't share widely.
I suppose I could do with a bit of advice. I'm still adjusting, I want to support my DD, but am worried about the repercussions if she is shouting out and proud.