Transgender teen now determined to get testosterone

[Whatinfucksnamedoidonow]

My child is a teenager.

Has presented as transgender since they were small. I allowed a name change and pronoun change at around 7.

Things were ok. Got some counselling. Were offered and refused blockers. I got some private counselling and things seemed to be so much better.

My child didn't want to change name but began being more comfortable with their body and seemed to be questioning whether they would transition in future. This got my hopes up that maybe this was all coming to an end.

Now things have gone back downhill.

My child doesn't want surgery or operations but wishes to have testosterone to deepen their voice and so they grow hair etc.

I have explained the side effects, I have said that my child cannot do this until 18 anyway, I have asked how they see themselves in the future.

My child sees themselves in a female body but with all the effects testosterone gives.

Not transgender, but not 'not transgender' either.

How the fuck do I even begin to contend with this?

I have no idea what to do. If the choices were fully trans or not then that would be so much easier, my child wants to live in some sort of half way phase forever and I'm terrified.

Not even sure what help I'm asking for, I just need help/support to deal with this as I don't have any irl.

My partner was nonbinary. Just go with the flow. Why get hung up on it?
I'm bisexual, I don't have to pick straight or gay, I can be both.

My partner used neutral pronouns and dressed neutral too, they were born female but grew facial hair. Sometimes wore dresses. Mostly shirts.
It worked for them and they had a perfectly normal life, kids, good job etc

Just support your child :)

Google non binary or gender fluid x

Thanks for the input but I can't really go with the flow when my child wants to take body altering, irreversible hormones that will cause infertility, incontinence and god knows what else and they aren't sure what they want to be.

I 100% support my child at all times but this isn't anything like being bisexual or gender fluid, they can't stop taking hormones and everything returns to normal, my child is a teenager and this has irreversable effects.

They are gender fluid. Just with a desire to alter their voice.
If they can't take the drugs till 18 what's the issue? They won't be taking any altering drugs until adult hood.

If it was me I would simply say 'I support you and will support your decisions when you become an adult, until then you can't have testosterone'

Do you live near Manchester?
They have voice training classes for transmen/genderfluid folk to learn how to naturally train their voices to be deeper to help with dysphoria without drugs x

This is a really great website and they have a phone number for people dealing with LGBTQ issues, maybe pass that info your child?

I have supported my child and will continue to do so, but I cannot support talk of testosterone and blockers until I'm fully sure my child is mentally capable of these decisions, which I'm not.

I worry about my child buying drugs from the internet, and about being so fixated on this path that the minute they turn 18 they will start or obtaining them some other way.

It's utterly terrifying. My child already self harms occasionally, this is just another extension of that I feel.

I'm not near Manchester but I will have a look at that site. Thanks.

Have a look at this website and seek the support of other parents.

www.transgendertrend.com/

I think that the only thing you can and should do is be respectful of your child’s own mind and body autonomy while keeping the conversations and debate open with them. They will go underground if you try to fight them on it. I know you just desperately want to protect them but sometimes the best way to stay in that role is to let them go. It’s easier to say to your teen ‘I respect you and your choices for yourself but the hormone blockers are only from 18 so let’s plan for then and in the meantime let’s do whatever we can to make you feel as comfortable as possible in yourself’ than to fight them and make them feel desperately trapped and pressured by you.

You want the best for your child but it’s not easy to always figure out what the best is. Regardless of that one thing I am sure of is that you can never give another human too much respect. We don’t own our kids and when they are little we often are given the false belief that we control them. I try to step back from that natural desire to control them and change my approach to a role of teaching them so they can control themselves. It involves letting go and respecting their decisions and understanding that they are not an extension of me. I think you are struggling with this, it’s NOT a criticism. We all struggle with it. But your child must find their own way on this. Hopefully with you walking alongside them to catch them if they fall. Not to stop them walking.