Is my adult son gay and why wont he come out the closet?

[Mum70]

I have a ds of 26 years and have for sometime suspected he was gay.
Though he may not act 'camp', there have been multiple incidents were i have found hes been watching gay porn. When i questioned him he was adamant he wasn't gay.
Im just not sure how to get him to open up. He has never had a serious relationship with a woman and doesn't seem to be interested in them either. Even just last week i was helping him clear out his bedroom and under his bed was a book titled: 'joys of gay sex'. I questioned him about it and he just went very red and said it wasn't his.
I would be fully okay with him being gay , and i have told him this. But just he is still holding back All i want him is to be happy, but i just dont know how to get him to open up to me

He’s probably just embarrassed in himself and feels different, not because of what you think. It’s great that he knows you’re ok with it though but he probably just isn’t ready to say or maybe can’t find a boyfriend or imagine finding one so for now it’s more theory.

Thanks for your reply, yes i can see where your coming from. Just cant help but feel helpless.
I have a few gay single guy friends and am considering setting him up with one of them. I know he may not be like that, but just to show him how much i surpport him what ever his sexuality.

He won't be happy by being forced to come out, which is effectively what you're doing. You seem to love him and only want the best for him, which is great, but for the love of God don't set him up with someone!

He might not be gay. He might be bi, or even straight but just curious.

Duly noted, on 2nd thought yes setting him up would be too forceful
Just wish there was a way he could be more open with me
Feel as his mother he should comfortable talking to me about it.
Yes he may not be gay, but I doubt that considering the amount of interest he show with women

You can't force him to come out nor set him up with friends.

If he feels like you're all sitting waiting for him to come out then he won't out of sheer stubborness. This is about him- not you- so he gets to do it on his own terms.

Just because you're his mum you're not entitled to have access to his 'inner being'.

Leave him alone, he's fine.

Back off and leave him be.

Just let him know you're around if he needs to talk. Some people are really private.

Please back off! He doesn't feel ready to tell you clearly, tell him once that you love him regardless and you'll support and defend his right to love who he chooses then leave him alone.
If you find something like that book again just say something like "bad secret santa gift much?" Laugh it off and leave it.
Ffs don't put him on a date either!

Had he always lived with you? It may be good for him to get his own place so that he has space to explore his sexuality.

Hes house shared since he was 18, but had to move back in with us briefly recently, but he has since moved out again and moved in with a friend.
You're right, ill just let him be.

Leave him alone, it's not your business. He'll discuss it when he's ready.

I have a few gay single guy friends and am considering setting him up with one of them

I'm inaging the conversation where you invite your son who claims to be heterosexual on to a date with a gay friend and how that's all meant to work out.

He probably is gay but as you can see there really isn't anything you can do. I do think it's a bit weird you've caught him looking at porn multiple times. He should have a bit more respect to keep that to himself whatevrr the sex of the participants.

Agree that you need to leave him alone. Your adult child’s sex life is really none of your business. Can’t believe you quiz him about books and porn. I get that you want to be supportive but there’s a safe distance.

My own mother decided I was a lesbian when I was a teenager. She gave me a serious talk (which I guess was sweet in hindsight but was insanely annoying at the time). Apparently my relationships with my female friends were too intense and I didn’t show enough interest in men. Fact is, all the males I’d ever met were awful and nothing like what I dreamed of. Maybe your DS just hasn’t met the right woman yet? Or maybe he is gay or bi, but he will tell you if he wants to. Until then just let it go.

Yes, thanks for the advice,
i ll just keep my distance and let him be about it

I have such similar concerns mum70 but I'm thinking this isn't about us, this is about them and a very private part of them coming to terms with whatever their sexuality is. They got to be able to understand and be happy with it and feel strong enough to share it or worries about it?I am wondering how old your gay 'friends' are that you would potentially set him up with? Your friends are your DSs age?! Or your gay friends are your age that you were considering setting him up with?

I agree with you sugercoatedthorns, which is why ive let it rest with him, and let him come out when hes ready.
My gay friends, which i would no longer try and set him up with, are slightly older than him.
Though since starting this thread he has moved out and lives with a friend, which is a good thing.

I know its been a while, but have just heard that my ds is openly gay to friends and is currently seeing a guy.
He hasn't come out any family member
Im planing a family holiday, and am unsure as how/if i should ask him to bring this guy hes been seeing
Not sure how to broach it?

You don’t. That’s how

Noted, I’ll let it lye
Though have asked if he’d like to bring a friend along