Dd11 told me (in secret) she is Omnisexual

[AnythingConsidered]

Just that, 11 year old daughter has revealed she is Omnisexual.

However, rather embarrassingly, I did not know what this is. So I asked her to tell me what that meant and she said she is attracted to both boys, girls and non-genders.

Told her I didn't care who she is attracted too (truly don't), that it makes no difference about my love or pride for her (truly doesn't) and thanked her for telling me (confirmed I was not to talk to anyone, which I haven't)

Having looked it up on Google since, i am still not 100% sure i understand (though I now know Pansexual is often the used term).

I genuinely don't care who or what she is - but I would like to understand more so that I can offer support. Anyone help me out/make it clearer for me?

Also, any pan/Omnisexual people out there, what age did you know? How can i support her best? What do you wish your parents had known but didn't?

TIA.

I had wondered about it passing, but don't want to assume!

isn't it the same as bisexual?

I have an 11 year old daughter. She is not aware of her sexuality at all yet and has never heard the terms "pansexual" or "omnisexual". Where is she getting all this from?

So she has interacted with males, females, trans men, transwomen, non gender people and been attracted to at least one person from all gender groups?

Genuine question. How would an 11 year have met and fancied enough people from all groups to know they were omni?

Honestly you have done the right thing. Accept her and dont make fuss. If its a phase, a dramatic reaction will fuel it. If its not a phase, she will appreaciate your reaction.

Also will this impact how you feel about gee going on sleep overs?

I don't think I've ever met someone who is non gender- v surprised that at 11 she has.

She is a huge anime, manga and J-pop and K-pop fan. Sheis active in a number of artist groups and the culture of this type of art is very andronogous.

She is an only child and very grown up. I have a strong circle of gay and bi-friends, and am very open about sex, attraction and love, so she has a greater understanding of than most children.

But I take your point... how does she truly know? Is it just a phase? Is it fashionable?

However, I have also read many stories about people who knew their sexuality from a young age, so I am trying to get the balance between being dismissive of something that could be real & something that could be an 11-year old hearing something which sounds cool.

My problem is that I had never heard the term before &, even with a little research, don't really understand it. Bit like Orgy, to me it is the same as Bi.

Hadn't even thought about sleepovers - still trying to understand what it actually is and if it is something I need to consider!

Start by limiting her internet access possibly? What sites has she been on to hear these terms discussed?
Check her internet history.

To be open to falling in love with anyone sounds like a postive thing for an 11 year old (who probably isn't attracted to anyone much yet) to express. I wouldn't think you need to do anything about it.

My dd is into k pop. Yes its androgynous.

Are you checking the groups she is active in? Do you monitor her use.

I would be worried about her being active in these groups.

I asked dd about omni. She hasnt heard of it and kpop is a big thing for her. She is 13. Any chance she is on other sites that you dont know about?

Ds2 recently told me about his friend (also11) who had told ds2 he thinks he's sexually confused.. he thinks he fancies males more than females but not entirely sure.
Ds2 took it all in his stride and told me as I have a friend who recently left his wife.. met a man but then went back to his wife (ds2 is friends with their dc too) Ds thought my friend was like his friend (sexually confused).. we do have a fairly wide circle of gay friends which my dc have brought up with so is not phased by this (as it should be)
Anyway my point is that at this age they do talk about these things between their friends, and was recently covered in their yr 6 sex education.
I'm just glad that ds2's friend was comfortable to talk to him about it and ds2 happy to talk to me about it too.

I bet you a pound to a penny that Tumbler figures in this somewhere.

I'd wonder about tumblr or similar influences too, and I really wouldn't be embarrassed as new terms are being invented all the time, and whilst it is quite likely that your dd isn't straight she'll probably identify as some other new term soon enough.

My dd first said she thought she liked both boys and girls at a younger age and we just said that that was fine but that nothing was set in stone and she might not want to tell the world quite yet. The only real change we made was that we stopped assuming she'd be into guys and talked (when relevant) about how when she grew up she might be with either a man or woman.

Now at 16 it's pretty obvious that she likes both. We did have conversations about pansexuality but I said that until she actually met a transexual she couldn't really decide one way or the other (people on TV not really counting). Subsequently I've become rather more clued up and would probably say that bisexuality was about being attracted to male and female bodies not masculine or feminine genders and so 'pan/omni' etc weren't very relevant as bodies really only come in two varieties. Might be more relevant if she was talking about romantic rather than sexual attraction.

Oh God!! So many labels!! There's really no need. If she were my granddaughter I'd be telling her that when the time comes for relationships, to fall in love with somebody who makes her happy regardless of gender and stop worrying about folding herself neatly into a little sexuality box!
But, she's 11 so for the minute she really doesn't need to worry about it.

I'm surprised that lots of people think an 11 year old wouldn't know about their sexuality. I wouldn't have understood the term at that age (child of the 70s here) but I definitely knew I "fancied" boys. I was aware of what a lesbian was, and I knew I wasn't one.

That said, it does sound as though she is possibly accessing groups on the Internet that she's not ready for emotionally. 11 is very young to be in those sorts of online conversations about sexuality and I would definitely check Internet settings and history.

Depends on the child, some have sexual thoughts quite early, others not until much later. If you don't really fancy anyone you are not going to know for sure if you are gay, straight or bisexual.

My dd is into the same types of things op and she thinks she is pan sexual.
She is 12. She also has add and asd. I have told her that she can love whoever she wants as long as she is happy. I am trying not to make a big song and a dance about it as I can't help thinking she wants a reaction and I'm not going to give it to her.

But Paxmanfan, an 11 year old SHOULDN'T be sexual yet, should they? They're still children.
Yes 11 and 12 year olds have crushes and might be aware of a stronger preference for one gender over another however I'm quite horrified at the idea of an 11 year old calling them self xxxxxsexual because that says to me that they think they are ready to explore sexual acts, which they're not.
Surely at 11 and 12 all they need is to be reassured that strong feelings towards any gender are fine and when the time comes they can fall in love with whoever they want.
Please don't let your 11 and 12 year old's describe themselves as xxxxxsexual, this leaves them open to abuse especially online!!

I think that's really more about your perception. A child who knows they are gay (for example) isn't necessarily ready or particularly interested in any sexual acts. They still might know that they have no attraction to opposite sex people and feel it important to say so as the default assumption of the world is so very much that girls will have boyfriends and vice versa.

But at 11 they have no attraction to the opposite fact YET surely? Because 11 year olds brains and emotions are still developing. I'm not saying that 11 year olds should be discouraged from being open about their feelings. I believe all children should be able to express strong feelings and feel comfortable with them, they also should be able to express the fact that they don't feel they are going to fit the heterosexual mould as an adult. I'm very much in favour of keeping the lines of communication open with children about sexuality.
It just scares me that 11 and 12 year olds have already settled on a sexual definition for themselves.... Because this surely indicates that they are seeing themselves as sexual.

I am biased admittedly because I'm 39 and have yet to "pick a label"
I just think love is love and have no need to neatly package myself up with a label for the convenience of others.

Opposite sex!

The things I learn here always amaze me.

Ps, I wouldn't care either as long as she is happy

of course 11/12 year olds can have feelings of attraction? I definitely did have boys i 'fancied' at that age. my eldest dd is almost 14 and has had a couple of boyfriends, nothing of any sexual nature has happened, but she likes them as more than a friend. I think thats perfectly natural.
Ive always known I liked boys. I don't see why someone of that age cant know they like boys and girls. She's probably not quite old enough to understand the nuances of being pansexual, but shes certainly old enough to be developing her understanding of herself.
OP, I wouldn't make an issue of it, just say 'ok' and as a PP said, not limit talk of the future to having a boyfriend when it comes up, but otherwise, just watch and wait.

I think at 11 you can no you like a certain sex.like girls liking boy bands etc.so I can see how she might.i like boyzone and fancied them.i never fancied the girls in bewitched. doesn't mean I wanted to be secual with them you just fancy in the young fancy way and I can say I deff didn't do so with girls.
let her no she can talk to you.
don't dismiss as phase but don't make a huge deal
if she knows the name does that suggest she has been worried so looked it up to try find what is "wrong,happening" to her.
not knowing much about liking other people I know if I at that age fancied other girls id be very confused and want to no if I was "wrong" somehow.so be there for her.
did she say it comfortably like she wasn't bothered or more like she was upset and confused.

I think a lot of 11YO feel like this and their preferences settle and take form over time. I would be wary of encouraging labels. The current generation seems obsessed with them.

Of course some kids will know who they are and aren't attracted to by 11. I'm boring straight and definitely did know that by the time I started school. Playground crushes and all (though I had no desire to engage sexually or even awareness that such a desire could be an option at the time). The same is true for my lesbian childhood friend.

Having said that, do look into Tumblr etc. OP. I'm studying these kinds of places for a work related endeavour at present and there is a distinct trendiness about some of the stuff that goes on to a degree that I wonder if I'd be feeling pressured into being something more 'interesting' than just a woman identifying as a woman consciously aware of being a woman and fancying men if I were 15 instead of 35.

The general level of acceptance of non-conforming gender expressions and patterns of sexual attraction is definitely a good thing IMO, but I do wonder if the current zeitgeist is possibly pushing kids beyond what they'd otherwise be comfortable with.

It's a complex one.