Daughter came out at gay but wanted relationship with her teacher

[yelena1234]

Long story - My lovely shy child had an affinity with her teacher at school which was not a bad thing - teachers are there to encourage their pupils. Fast forward - the married 30 year old teacher then pursued my daughter outside of school (whilst she was doing Alevels) until she came to me and told me they were in love. I said the gay part doesn't alarm me at all but the fact that the teacher had abused her position to gain my daughters trust, sent her perfume, flowers, money etc was I felt wrong... the teacher was also stringing her along as she wanted to keep my daughter as a mistress so not to upset her wife. Things went down hill from here police involvement via the school etc no action taken as my daughter refused to give a statement - the problem I have now is that she left home and won't talk to me - the teacher has told her its because I can't accept she gay - this is simply not true, I can't accept that she's been groomed - gender has nothing to do with it. I miss my child and don't know how to re-build the relationship and its tearing me apart.

That sounds very tough. How old is your daughter? Who is she staying with now? Is she still seeing the teacher? Did the school take any action against the teacher?

I believe she is still seeing her, but won't speak to me and if she does soften towards me one day she will very quickly change the following time to ignoring me. The teacher was manipulative - she would say the right things to my daughter but then go cold on her if she didn't get the desired outcome - I have watched her become more and more isolated from her friends and family over this last year.

blimey that is crap.
I am amazed the police won't do anything

Is she still teaching? This should be a massive safeguarding issue. I would have thought that it was common for groomed kids to not want to admit to what is happening, it is all part of the grooming.

No advice, just lots of sympathy.

Age of consent when one partner is in a position of responsibility such as a teacher is 18.

What you describe is wrong, and if consummated, illegal.

Hi thank you for the comments she was her teacher from when she was 17 to 19 we don't know when it started just that it did. Police could only work on it if she made a statement and she refused - the teacher left to work in a different school and pursue my daughter. She continues to work in a 6th form college with more 16-19 year olds. I just want my daughter back even if it means accepting the teacher and hoping that if it's out in the open and no manipulation can continue she will get bored and leave my daughter and we can rebuild her life - I don't care about her sexual orientation she's my baby.

She was also her teacher on and off from year 8-10 so from age 13 upwards too

Even if the police can't do anything there should still be a professional body for teachers that she can be reported to.

Do you know if there are any groups for LGB young people in your area? Maybe you could find details and suggest that your daughter goes along - both demonstrating that you support her being gay/don't have a problem with that while at the same time it might get her slightly out of the clutches of the teacher and mixing with people her own age.

Thanks rumandraison1 - at the minute I can't get near her to talk to her - she is living with relatives but if I go there she won't come out of her room, she has blocked me on all forms of communication too. If I could then yes I would try to get her to groups etc that's a really good idea the ongoing issue is that her dad and other family members have sat back and let me deal with it whilst advising me on the quiet so when the whole thing came to light I was in the firing line whilst everyone else kept quiet. Her father actually pointed out that the teacher had effectively groomed me too when the police came to interview us. We're divorced. So now no-one else will say anything to her about the situation. In a way as long as she's secure and settled I'm happy even if our relationship has broken down. I guess it could be a lot worse.

Surely the teacher when your dd gets too old will be on the look out for another girl.

Atm your dd is the other woman and whether it is a heterosexual relationship or a lesbian one, it can't end well. Does the teachers wife know about your dd

Have you informed the head teacher? She ought to be sacked. My feeling is your daughter will come round and see sense in time. Give her space and be there for her when she needs you. one day she will wake up and realise what a completely fucked up situation this is.

I think the teachers wife may know and may have now left her this year some time - I discovered it this time last year. When I eventually spoke to the old headteacher, as teacher left old school to pursue her, they closed rank and actually told me to look at the complaints policy. I reminded them it was safeguarding etc and eventually they agreed to investigate it. But closed rank and I believe covered up something they suspected. Eventually they came back and said we as parents could call the police - I knew that if I did she had said she would never talk to me again so waited and then the school called them without telling me and she left. I hope she comes round and will give her space - I just miss her so much - we were so close before this. Thank you so much for the comments x

As police are aware if she does do this to another vulnerable teenager then it has been recorded now so at least in some way I've done my duty to protect others.